I did it.
Two years ago today I left my corporate job. I said good-bye to my staff, my bosses, and my colleagues, people with whom I had spent much of my previous 10 years. It was all sweet, no bitter. I couldn’t stop smiling.
When I walked out of the office for the last time, I felt like I was taking the biggest risk of my life. I was leaving behind a 6-figure salary plus decent bonuses, stock options, a stock purchase plan, 401k matching, good health benefits, and other perks that only come with working for a Fortune 500 company. I was leaving all of those things for a business I started that wasn’t making a penny and had no guarantee that it would.
But staying behind would mean I was living a lie. And I was done living lies. I was done pleasing other people. I was done telling others what they wanted to hear. I was sick and tired of faking that I cared about high-tech office products. Faking that a career in engineering middle management was something that I longed for. That working there until I was 65 would be fulfilling. I chuckle at the thought.
My soul had been calling out to me for my entire life, but it wasn’t until 2007 that I heard it. Once I heard the call, I followed it, like a child playing Marco Polo in a backyard swimming pool. My eyes shut, unable to see where I was headed, but a faint whisper kept pointing me in a new direction.
Marco?
Polo!
Two years after I heard the initial call, I was making a leap of huge proportions, embarking on a journey of faith by leaving my so-called secure job.
Two years later, today, I have absolutely, without a doubt, not a single, solitary regret. None. It is the damn best thing I have ever done for myself. Ever.
And, it was scary.
It was terrifying.
It was healing.
It was empowering.
It taught me what I’m capable of.
It showed me that I can be fearful and hopeful at the same time.
It showed me that people love me for who I really am, and if they don’t, then I don’t need them in my life.
It led me to find some of the most cherished people I have in my life today.
It taught me more about love.
And compassion.
And patience.
And trust.
I learned that security isn’t found in a large company, but in a deep faith in myself.
I learned that I have the ability to heal intense emotional pain from my past, moving beyond it and coming out on the other side better than ever.
I learned to overcome some of the things that scare me the most.
I learned that when I show up as myself, other people love it. And if they don’t love it, it’s not about me–that’s their own problem.
Some people have fallen out of my life. That’s okay. It’s part of the process. So many more people have moved into my life, and they are loving and generous and genuine and caring and compassionate, and they love me, warts and all, without wanting anything in return but me, just as I am in any given moment.
Starting a business is one of the most profound, smack-you-in-the-face, personal development opportunities that you can choose. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s not for those who don’t like to face their demons. Yes, you can start a business without facing your demons. But to start a soul-driven business, one that represents your purpose in life (and I couldn’t imagine starting one that wasn’t my purpose in life), you’re going to run head-on into some of the scariest shit you’ve ever faced. It’s going to bring up your whole life’s worth of pain like you’d never believe.
You will be challenged to believe in your worth.
You will be encouraged to dive deeper into your own darkness.
You will be summoned to the light.
You will be surrounded by a love that is beyond human measure.
You will be supported the entire way even if it feels like you are alone and failing.
Two years of this soul journey has showed me that I am not in charge. And if I want to be or think I can be, I am fooling myself.
My business has taken many turns in two years and now I’ve found my home. I am in love with what I do in a way I could have never believed possible.
I still have demons to face (don’t we all, forever?). The difference is that now I know this game. I know how it’s played. I know how to honor myself, appreciate the healing that has happened and that which has yet to come, and give space for whatever comes to pass, either in my business or personal life.
I offer tears of joy and appreciation as these words leave my fingers and join this blank page. Appreciation for my husband’s patience as I have gone through all of this. Joy for the life I chose to create. Gratefulness for my friends and clients and all of the people who send me emails of love reminding me why I do what I do.
The road ahead is uncertain. I do not have a steady corporate paycheck and fat bonuses from The Man, but I have something better. I have my life. It’s mine. I can do what I want with my day. When I feel lost, I can shout, “Marco?” Then I can follow my soul’s call when it whispers, “Polo!” Because the soul always responds if we’re open to listening.
I do not know where this journey of entrepreneurship will take me. Today, I don’t need to know. I know that if I’ve made it this far, and I can go so much further. I have love, talents, ideas, passion, and compassion to share with the world. That is my plan. The details, they’re not up to me. So I will wake up each day and follow the instructions I am given. I will shout, “Marco?” when I need to, and wait for the return call.
I am grateful beyond measure to have my life as my own. I claimed it, and I continue to claim it every day. You, too, can claim yours. You don’t need anyone’s permission. You don’t even need to quit your job. You do, however, need to stand up for yourself and take what’s yours. It’s yours, my dear. You deserve it. Take it by the reigns and let it lead you. Root yourself down, sit up tall, and trust. The world is a loving place if you believe it is. Even when it’s scary.
Claim what’s yours. Own it. Dive into the darkness, then seek out the light. You will be supported, with love, the whole time. Forever.
Wow, what an inspiration you are I am much older than you and just now I am also so very tired of people pleasing and have walked away from all the the things that had to do with it. I am laughing more and finding others that like me for me. Freedom it’s great. Sometimes I slip but it doesn’t take long to realize no more. Many do not understand but that is ok. It’s their problem not mind. Thank you for sharing
Betty, People pleasing is exhausting. And yes, you will find more people like you the more you step away from what does not serve you. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Jenny your message moved me to my core. I’m exactly where you were two years ago. I dislike (no make that hate) my job and feel as if I now have permission to leave. Never mind that I don’t know how, have no savings or a contingency plan. All I know is that I cried tears I haven’t cried in years and I want out now!
Thanks for sharing your story and giving me the courage to face mine and finally do something about it. You’re a life saver girl!
Your new best friend.
Sheryl
I’m glad you were moved. (I cried as I wrote parts of it.)
it is my pleasure to share this story. I want all women to know that they can make choices–that everything is a choice–and you can do something to honor yourself, even when it’s scary. But ignoring that pull can be even scarier.
Good luck on your journey, Sheryl. You deserve whatever it is your soul is calling out to you for.
Wow. I’m a wordsmith but can’t, at this moment, think of anything else but Wow. This post of yours arrived in my email to be read by me on this holy Sunday morning. I hear your strong brave words, and your Marco causes a Polo from deep inside the middle of my bones. I’m on a journey that parallels yours. I’m not yet at a place where I can proclaim publicly all that you say here, but I’m close. (even saying “I’m close” is an act of pure faith).
How am I changing the world? Well, I am fully committed to keeping my light lit. And if harsh wind blows it out, I am fearless in asking someone near me to allow me to relight my candle from their flame. I am learning to tend my light. And my hope is that MY light, lit, will be the beginning of the end of darkness for some other traveler, until they can light their own way.
Jenny, boundless thanks to you for the honesty in this post. For the encouragement. For the celebration.
“Close” is as good as it gets for all of us, Maureen. We’re never there. We’re never done. There’s always more journey to take. Even me, seeing where I’ve come… yes, I’ve “made it” but there’s so much for me to still reach for.
Good for you for reaching out and asking others to relight your candle as needed. We can never make it in this journey of life all alone. We need others to help us get there.
Namaste.
Jenny — you rock!
Jenny,
Your story is a shining example of “leap and the net will appear!” Thanks for sharing and reminding us of the risk and reward that can be found in living a barefoot dream!
It’s funny that you say “jump and the net will appear,” Lesa. Only because over the past two years I had a hard time believing there was a net. It took me those 2 years to actually see that the net is always there, even if it doesn’t look or feel like what we’d expect it to look like.
I love this post! I left a GREAT job with absolutely no plan for what I was going to do… but I knew in my heart that I had to leave and that it was time to do my own thing. Not once have I regretted it. I LOVE the freedom and flexibility that working for myself has brought me. Beautiful post! xo
Thanks, Stephanie! I agree, self-employment (though challenging) is wonderful. The freedom and flexibility are priceless!
Jenny,
Thank you so much for this post. It comes at a time when I am facing the reality of my decisions. I left my 401K job a year ago, just finished the MB training, and am now embarking on my new coaching adventure… and lot’s and lot’s of FEAR that I haven’t had to face in my 15 years as a ‘professional’ is now creeping in. Nice to know there is a ‘net’… as I haven’t had to rely on one in a good long while.
Houkje
Congrats on finishing up your training, Houjke. That’s a great feat in itself.
As you go forward in your coaching adventure, you’ll realize that you can face the scary stuff in life and survive. I know you will.
And it still amazes me that no matter how much responsibility I had in my previous career, no matter how many people or millions of dollars I was responsible for, it can’t hold a candle to going at it on my own. Solo entrepreneurship is way scarier, way more fun, way more meaningful, and way crazier for brining up “stuff” than my previous 10 years even came close to.
Can’t wait to see what you do!
French philosopher Guillaume Apollinaire writes: ‘Come to the edge,’ he said. They said, ‘We are afraid.’ ‘Come to the edge,’ he said. They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
Congrats on learning to fly and enjoying the view as you soar, Jenny!
This is a beautiful post. Thanks for capturing this so poetically and sharing it with the world. You rock!
It is amazing so many people feel the stress of working, doing things which don’t truly “work” for us..The fear of “flying solo” is just that…and when we discuss our dreams, and how we see ourselves, our feedback is mostly negative, “don’t quit your job, don’t sell your house, you can’t….” I am not sure I have felt much support on being true to thyself from anyone..
I want to thank you for writing alot of what so many are feeling…
I may just jump and feel my wings, and the wind, and know, that net will appear…
Laura, There are many people who don’t understand this pull that others of us feel to follow our soul’s calling (or they’re too afraid to admit that they want the same thing). It is a challenge to keep following the call despite the naysayers… but if you must do it, if you feel the pull so strongly, you can do it regardless of what others say. Even entertaining the idea means you are on the way.
Jenny, what a fantastic post. I hope it inspires many others to claim what’s theirs and do what they love
Beth
PS I have shared this on the Do What You Love facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/DoWhatYouLoveXx
Thanks for sharing it on your Facebook page, Beth!
Hi Jenny, I loved reading your story – very inspiring! I have a similar story in that I left a corporate job with a good salary & all the benefits to focus 100% of my energy on my business. Like you, I’m so glad that I took that leap of faith! Your words will help give others the confidence to do the same, when it’s the right time for them. Once a person knows they want to take a different path in life, they can begin setting the groundwork for their new venture, while still working their day job, and then begin a natural transition to doing what they love. Thanks for writing about your discovery & transition.
Anne, you’re absolutely right. Once we know we’re on a path to a new direction in life, things start to unfold. It doesn’t mean it happens automatically, but it does become a natural, part-of-the-process transition. Thanks for stopping by and commenting here.
Thank you for writing this and sharing it with us Jenny! I couldn’t agree more… it is taking a big leap of faith, but like you said here so beautifully: “I learned that security isn’t found in a large company, but in a deep faith in myself.”
That faith is what makes it happen. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, Nathalie. Yes, it was a big leap and it wasn’t at all 🙂 It took me 2 years to figure that out, though. It was soooo scary when I left, and it was the best dang thing I’ve ever done in my life, ever.
I continue to see, every day, that faith is what has made it happen and will continue to make it happen. Even though I have no crystal ball about what the future may bring, I know deeply that I’m on the right track.
Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.