The email began, “I am offended by what you wrote.”
My breathing stopped. My heart pounded. I froze, then I started trembling.
A stream of uncomfortable thoughts appeared in my mind.
I knew I shouldn’t have written that.
How many other people did I piss off?
Maybe I should send an apology to everyone.
I had put off sending that email for over a month. I finally sent it because it felt right. I know to trust that feeling of rightness, because it tells me when I’m on track.
How could this have felt so right, when the first response was so critical?
I was having dinner with my in-laws in 10 minutes. I didn’t have time to send an apology to everyone right now.
I shuffled to the car. Paul drove to the restaurant. I sat silently, overwhelmed by fear and self-doubt.
I was distracted throughout the entire meal, and the food sat like a lead weight in my stomach.
Perspective
I’m glad I had dinner plans immediately after receiving that email. It forced me to pause and not react. If it hadn’t been for that dinner, I would have sent a big apology to everyone.
I’m sorry I was so thoughtless.
Please don’t hate me.
I won’t do it again, I promise.
For 2 hours, there was nothing I could do about that email. Instead, I had to wait until dinner was over.
The waiting created space.
Emails quietly poured into my inbox while I was having dinner.
Once we returned to the car, I grabbed Paul’s iPhone and checked my email.
I saw lots of new messages. People were thanking me for what I wrote. They shared stories that made me smile, laugh, and cry.
A stream of new thoughts passed though my mind.
That was just one person.
I can’t please everybody.
Maybe I don’t have to apologize to everyone.
Seeing these new emails gave me some perspective.
Sending my original email had felt right, because it was right for me. It was what I needed to say.
The first and only
The first email I received was the only one like it.
Reading it make me want to recoil and return to playing small. Playing small is easier.
The other emails made me realize that for every person who doesn’t like what I have to say, there are many more who do.
Not everyone will like me, what I do, and what I have to say. It’s the way life is.
I’m glad I pissed you off
As our businesses get bigger, more people see who we are and what we offer. With more people watching us, we’re likely to receive more criticism. Most people stay small to avoid being criticized. They use fear to stop themselves from making a difference in a big way.
That’s not the road I want to take.
Thank you, surly reader, for telling me I pissed you off. Thank you, offended one, for stating your opinion.
You taught me that I can not please everyone. You told me that my way is not your way. I am okay with this, because I want to make a difference in the world. And I can’t make a difference if I put all my effort into not offending anyone.
Honoring myself
Email replies continue to appear in my inbox weekly. I still smile, laugh, and cry.
I will always remember the offended one’s email and how it taught me a beautiful lesson in getting bigger.
I want to inspire, uplift, encourage, and assist soulful entrepreneurs. In doing that I will honor myself, my beliefs, and my way of doing business. Pleasing everyone isn’t part of my agenda, and I don’t care if you agree with me.
I’m going to change the world anyway.
Jenny, my inbox has lost a ton of weight lately. What’s left is you and about five other similarly wonderful writers. I loved this post – thank you!
I’m honored, Max! That means a lot. I’m like you–very few things allowed in my inbox, and each one has something special for me.
I’m glad this post resonated with you. I was nervous to write it!
Fabulous points Jenny! You can’t make everyone happy – in business or in life. We have to keep this in mind and keep checking our direction with our heart as a guide and not other individuals.
Thanks for being here, Kat. We can’t make everyone happy, though I used to make a go at trying. Talk about a rock and a hard place–between my disease to please and my soul’s desire…
Jenny, Yea!! You are changing the world. Thank you for staying true. Your strength, in turn, gives me strength.
Thanks, Nan! You’re changing the world, too–I know it.
Awesome post Jenny! Thank you for showing me that regardless of what others think, as long as you stay true to yourself. It’s the best. We need to expand, in order to learn.
Right on, Andrea. Regardless of what others think, you can stay true to yourself. Not always easy, but it is the path to happiness.
Jenny,
I remembered something I read recently that I loved. It said: “If everybody likes me, I haven’t gone far enough.” Isn’t that great?!!
Love that, Nan!
Jenny, thank you so much for posting this. It’s funny because the same fear gripped me as I started my blog a bit over a year ago. In a year I’ve had plenty of readers and good comments- and not a single bad one. However that fear is still there as I desire to play bigger. Thanks to you, I almost look forward to my first critical response- because I’ll know it means I am going bigger. But I’ll keep this post handy for when that time comes!
That’s what Byron Katie would say, Lesley, when you can “look forward” to something negative happening, you’ve really made the right mental shift. Sounds like you’re on track!
Jenny this is great! thanks for sharing this story. I have had that experience of the one email that kicks me in the gut and I worry and worry over. That fear of criticism is SO HUGE!
I always find it amazing that no matter how much positive feedback someone gets, the power of one negative one can send them into a tail spin of despair. Fear of criticism is huge, and getting past it, little by little, is huge, too.
This should be required reading for anyone who wants to change the world. Love it.
You’re so sweet, Amy! Glad you found it so helpful.
Jenny,
Thank you for your post. It’s a great reminder to keep doing what is right for ourselves and our businesses, and that the more we do that, the more we find the people we’re meant to help, work with, be with…
Much love,
S
You’re welcome, Stormy. I deeply believe that doing what is right for ourselves and our businesses is an important part to claiming our superheroness and changing the world. It can be damn scary, but worth it 100%.
What a great lesson to share! Thanks!
Thanks for being here, Lori!
Thank you for writing this. It’s so hard to live your life to please everybody. There are always going to be people who don’t like what you do or how you do it – but usually the people who like you will out number the others. And thank goodness!
You’re totally right, Jessica – the good ones will outnumber the others, especially when we have ambitious plans to change the world 🙂
What a worthwhile topic!
Now I think of those having been attacked with public ridicule, and what inner strength and peace it truly took to face the bullies. When one is too strong and at peace, and changing the world, the establishment assassinates them; Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jesus Christ, the Egyptians, Libyans, Chinese inTianemen Square, …to name a few…The dirtier the expulsion/reaction the more threatening that person was to the respondents.
Your detractor made you stronger, and also gave insight into herself…
Now, you might gain understanding of behaviors in the corporate world when facing bullies; my behaviors towards bullies have been trained and planned for years in advance; like you, my training started as a child. That is one of the injustices that drives my belly…
Thanks for allowing thoughts back to you and your following…
Thanks for being here, Victoria. I know the road hasn’t always been easy for you, as it is with many soulful people. Yet continuing to do your work every day, face the world, raise thoughtful children… you are doing what the world needs, in spite of the few that try to stop you from being your best. I know you persevere.
Lots of love to you, my friend.
Honestly Jenny I am very thankful that you pissed that person off also. I got so tired of not pleasing everyone to a point where the only comment I could hear was the negative one. That behavior and self-sabotaging on my part sent me into stopping my dream and also sent me into four years of isolation. Those several few negative comments overshadowed all of the beautiful comments and that is so sad. This post really touches a part in me that is healing and I am learning along this path that I will never please everyone and how important it is to just be honestly myself. Thank you so much for this message Jenny, you are such an inspiration.
Haha, Rasz! I’m glad you’re glad I pissed that person off. That makes me laugh.
It is SO exhausting trying to please everyone. You’re totally right–we become unable to hera the wonderful things people say when we focus so much on the negative.
Wonderful to hear this touched you and that you’re healing in this arena. I think many people are–we are all afflicted with the disease to please, to some extent.
Thanks for being here!
Amazing how a little bit of space changed everything. It is true, you can’t honor yourself or anyone else really if you are just worried about pleasing them. If you do that you are really bringing a false person to the table and you can’t connect properly from there.
With so many original people in the world it would be near impossible to please them all anyway so your point is so perfect. It’s much better to connect and help those who want your message than those who do not. No point in wasting time and energy right?
I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing your experinece.
It was amazing how the space of dinner allowed me to step out of reaction mode. I’m so grateful, even though I felt so awful.
You’re right–there are so many people in the world–we can not please everyone. Not even close. We try, though!
Yes, it’s totally not worth wasting time and energy.
Glad you like the post. Thanks for being her, Bonnie.
It wasn’t your intent to piss someone off, but when it does happen, that’s when you know you did the right thing. You pushed someone into a place of discomfort, and their reaction was to let you know rather than focus on what change they could make in themselves possibly. One of my favorite fortune cookies is “If you and I are alike, then one of is unnecessary.” When you rub someone the wrong way, it can often mean you did the right thing. And that’s how to change the world. You can’t change anyone – if they already think and believe the same thing as you.
Good point, Amy! It wasn’t my intention, which should have been a quicker reminder to me that I really was listening to that rightness I felt.
What a great fortune cookie quote. I have never seen that one before.
Thanks for being her and reminding us all that rubbing someone the wrong way doesn’t mean we didn’t do the right thing for us. Superheroes need those reminders, too!