Have you ever felt like you were ready to do something new but didn’t know exactly what it was? Maybe you knew you wanted to change careers or rebrand your business or try a new hobby, but the specifics eluded you.
It happens a lot. I saw it when I was a life coach, and I see it now with my business coaching clients.
There is a way to get around it.
Let me start by telling you about a client I once had.
When I started working as a life coach almost three years ago, I was helping professional women who hated their jobs. I thought that since I had been able to forge a new career path, I was primed to work with them.
The women I helped felt lost. They wanted to do something different with their lives, but they often didn’t know exactly what that was.
However, I occasionally had clients who did know what they wanted to do, but they were too afraid to admit it. In short, they were lying to themselves.
Knowing what you want
There was one client I remember well. I’ll call her Audrey. She said she was ready for something new. She was excited to work with a life coach, and I was excited to help her.
Here’s a snippet from our first session.
Audrey: I need to do something different with my career. My job pays well, but I really don’t like it. I want to make a change.
Me: Okay. What do you want to be doing?
Silence.
Audrey: I don’t know.
Me: What did you want to do when you were a child, before anyone told you what you should or shouldn’t do?
Silence again.
Audrey: Gasp! I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and live in a small house in the country. [She said this very quietly and hurriedly, like she was afraid someone might hear her.]
Me: Sounds good.
Audrey: But I can’t do that! We have a big mortgage! My kids to go private school! It’s expensive living in this city! We can’t change our lives just like that! And besides…
Audrey proceeded to tell me all of the reasons why she couldn’t do what she wanted. Her excuses were peppered with all the reasons why she longed to be a stay-at-home mom living in the country.
After that session, I never heard from her again.
Admitting what you want
Often we think we don’t know what we want. We think it’s a big mystery that requires lots of untangling. Sometimes that’s true.
Other times, it’s a big, fat lie. We know what we want, but we’re too afraid to admit it. If we admit what we want, we may have to go after it.
This happens in business, too.
Maybe you have a solid one-on-one coaching practice, but you really want to move to a group coaching model.
Maybe you have been offering web design services but want to move toward helping clients create an online marketing strategy.
It’s scary to drop the familiar, that which pays the bills, and jump to what calls to our heart.
Change may not be easy, but I think it’s far more painful to leave your dreams unrealized.
Heed the call
If a change is calling you, listen to it. Remember that you don’t have to immediately jump to making that change.
My client thought that just because she admitted that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom living in a small country home that she needed to do it right away. She didn’t have to. She did, however, need to own up to what she truly wanted.
How to go after what you want
The first step to getting what you want is to stop saying you don’t know what you want and start admitting what you do want.
Get comfortable with the idea of what you want. Try it on. Imagine your life that way.
The second step is to slowly move in this new direction. With each forward movement, take time to get comfortable with what’s shifted in your life.
Keep moving slowly toward the change you long for.
For my client, it may have taken her 5 years to transition to her stay-at-home dream. There’s no rush. You’re still honoring what calls to you.
If you’re a coach who wants to move from your one-on-one model to group coaching, start by raising your one-on-one rates.
Then limit your one-on-one coaching slots.
Next, offer some group coaching options to your list.
Slowly, you can transition fully to the business model you desire.
You deserve to have your dream
Even if it’s scary to imagine making a big change, remember that you deserve to have the life and the business you want.
Don’t do what my client did. Don’t lie to yourself, saying you don’t know what you want if you really do know. Don’t close the door on your dream just because it’s scary.
Honor your desires and move slowly toward making them happen. You deserve it, superhero.
Big happy sigh, great message to wake up to. Thanks!
My pleasure, my dear!
Wonderful way to start the morning and particularly germane. I was saying to myself this morning, “I don’t want to be X,” to see how it felt and then reversed it, and noted the difference. It feels so much better to own and honour what one wants to do and be. Slowly but surely, here I come. The best to you!
You’ve got me curious! What do you want to do and be?
A children’s author. I want to help give the next generation(s) and the Ever-Child or the “I’m still 10 inside” among us stories filled with hope, responsibility, and magic (as well as strong female characters who also happen to be cool :)). We need better dreams I believe if we are to make a better world.
For many reasons, I wound up with a degree in botany and ignoring writing. Now I’m on the cusp of running a lab and a part of me wants to run away but that’s not economically feasible but making a commitment to writing is. So here I go!
The first step is saying what you want. Bravo!
Keep focused on that. It doesn’t have to happen tomorrow, but it will happen.
I’m cheering you the whole way!
Thank you very much Jenny! I wish you all the best!
Taryn,
You should post your last name. However long it takes, I can’t wait to read your books…maybe to my grand daughters someday, when I have them.
Hello there Catherine,
Thank you very much for your kind words. As requested, my last name. When my books are a reality, I’ll sign your copies 🙂
The very best to you and yours!
This is SO true Jenny!
Great article Jenny, I think a lot of people want to do something different with their lives then they are currently doing. Stress, overwork and the responsibility of bringing in an income are sometimes overwhelming. Cause for a classic midlife crisis. Before we all quit our jobs and head to Fiji, however, I would suggest that we really take a cold hard look at our Expertise and Experience to see what we can salvage. To that end, I would suggest joining an Expert Network like Gerson Lehrman Group or Maven Research. They connect Experience professionals with Investors and Organization in search of information on a given industry, product or region. Engagement are via telephone and last 30 to 60 minutes. There is no better way to dissect your career and see the opportunities that lie within your Expertise. If you still aren’t passionate about your chosen career, you’ll feel more comfortable in leaving it behind.
I’ve come across this too Jenny. It’s funny/odd when a client tells me exactly what they want in terms of career, then proceeds to tell me the reasons why they should move in a completely different direction. Dreams can come true, but only if we honor them, believe in them, and work for them.
You said it perfectly, Ali:
“Dreams can come true, but only if we honor them, believe in them, and work for them.”
Thanks for being here and sharing your insights.
“Change may not be easy, but I think it’s far more painful to leave your dreams unrealized.”
I agree!! Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement! Loved the article! Heading to Facebook to become a Fan!
Thanks for being here and sharing your positivity, Catherine!
We are having summer holidays in Australia and I was relaxing in a spa when the thought popped into my head “I want to develop the new way of teaching I have been exploring into a training course for teachers” The idea made me both incredibly excited and incredibly frightened, but I am holding onto it and will start bringing it to life this year…
Nice job, Jennifer. The first step is always to admit it. Then, it does a fabulous job of hanging around in our minds until we move on it. Sounds like you’re on your way!