All my internal STOP signals were flashing.
The message was clear:
Don’t take another step!
Wait!
Not now!
Stop, Jenny, stop
I just didn’t want to hear it.
Why?
Well, for one thing, I’m stubborn.
I also just didn’t think stepping back was an option for me. Whatever was going on that my body wanted to STOP, I thought it had to take a backseat. I’d sort it out when I had more time.
I was terrified that if I stopped going, going, going, everything I’d worked so hard to build would come crashing down around me.
Do you know this feeling?
The whole “slow n’ steady” thing might work great for some, but when it comes to grownup things like income and success, “swift n’ savvy” tended to be my motto.
I know it’s a terrible idea to ignore my inner wisdom, no matter how much I don’t like what it has to say. And the STOP sign was undeniable, so I begrudgingly listened.
I worked very little for 4 months, doing only 2 things: serving my clients and doing the bare minimum to keep my business running. I felt like I was crawling along much too slowly to reach my big goals for the year.
Fast-forward to the end of the four month efforting strike.
My body had its much-needed rest. My mind reached a new level of clarity.
I also had a renewed enthusiasm for my business and was ready to finally get my program, Get Your First 1000 Subscribers, out into the world. After it released in November, I sighed in deep relief and proceeded to resume my “minimal effort” plan in December. I was tapped out and had to “listen” again.
Then something unexpected happened.
You know how I said that there was no way I could reach my goals by barely working for 4 months?
Well, I ended up breezing right past them. I even exceeding them.
It was a real exercise in the way life takes care of us when we take care of ourselves. Checkmate, universe. Lesson learned. Tweet that!
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by work or life, or a completely tangled combination of both, please hear this: it’s going to be okay. There are steps you can take that will empower you to reclaim the reins, and put your honest needs in the front seat.
Here’s how.
Allow for Ebb and Flow
At times, your personal life requires more attention. Other times, your business is the one needing the extra love. This is completely normal, and part of the natural ebb and flow of all things in life.
The key is to keep your heart, ears, and eyes open, and notice when one area is crying out (or sometimes whispering) for your attention. Pinpoint exactly what’s missing and what you need to do, then act immediately. Hesitation and resistance will create more of a mess and draw out the whole ordeal much longer than necessary.
Don’t Let Your Thoughts Get the Best of You
Ever let more than just the situation irritate you? When we find ourselves in a rut, we tend dramatize it. From there, it gets blown completely out of proportion in our minds. (Oh, our pesky minds!)
For example, it’s never just our personal lives getting in the way of business – it’s that we worry our spark has vanished forever! That all our clients will leave us! That we’re going to be so broke at the end of the quarter we’ll be back to our ramen diet! (The horror!)
On the flip side, when business gets in the way of life, it’s not just that we work a little too much – it’s that we’re workaholics who neglect absolutely everything and everyone else all the time! Our friends and family will leave us! We’ll gain 15 pounds and miss the latest episodes of The Good Wife! If we don’t work our butts off, the cash will stop rolling in, right? (Or not.)
It’s easy to see the absurdity when it’s right here in front of you. It’s another deal altogether when it’s in our own heads. Because when it’s in our own heads, we believe it. (Even though it’s most likely wrong.)
Step back. Notice. When life and business aren’t blending perfectly, what are you thinking?
Push the unhelpful thoughts aside and tune in to your intuition instead. (Hint: That’s the calm, centered voice or knowing that doesn’t speak in panicky, fearful tones. Instead, it just knows what you should do.)
What is needed of you right now?
Practical Tips for Fitting It All In
And because this is me telling you this – systematized, organized, efficient, practical me – I’m also going to share a few how-to tips for fitting it all in. Because some days, you really do have to balance more than you think you can handle.
After you’ve allowed for ebb and flow and checked your thinking, try these ideas support you as well.
Say NO more often
Are you constantly doing favors for clients and colleagues? Does 10 pm find you in front of your laptop answering emergency emails? Are you going to skip your godson’s birthday party again because a blogger got in touch with you about a potential interview?
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in business: you can’t say yes to everything, no matter how hard you try. Nor should you! Not every opportunity is the right one for you, and saying NO creates more space in your life for you to seize those golden opportunities when they do come along.
Get comfortable with lovingly saying that two letter word – sometimes to life and sometimes to business. You’ll be glad you did.
Set up systems
Systems are series of steps you repeat the same way over and over. They’re reliable methods you trust to get the job done consistently and seamlessly. When we’ve got good systems in place, we don’t have to think twice about whether that particular job will or won’t happen. We can trust it to work, stress-free. Perfecting the systems in your business takes the focus off those annoying day-to-day tasks by automating them. This leaves you with more time, space, and energy to tackle everything else that’s going on.
Systems were a big part of what help me work minimally for 4 months. I didn’t have to think any more than absolutely necessary, which was exactly what made my brain break so effective.
Want to learn more about systems? I give you the nitty gritty right here and here.
Schedule everything that’s really, truly important
It’s okay to make space in your day to handle whatever is needed on both ends; whether it’s personal challenges, relationships, healing, etc. Don’t be afraid to plan non-negotiable personal items on your calendar, just like you do for your business. When I go through a rough patch, I often block out two half-days during the week to take care of me.
Yes, it’s okay to put you on your calendar, right next to those deadlines and client meeting lists, pencil in meditation, or dinner with your partner. If they’re all important, make time for them.
For my approach to creating a successful schedule that includes you, check this out.
Where to Go from Here
It’s alright if you feel a little life-work struggle sometimes. Life is a constant journey of exploration and learning. We’re constantly reassessing ourselves, our lives, and where we’re headed. Give yourself room to be in that space, and be flexible enough to move wherever your needs go.
Your turn now. Tell me…
What is taking first priority for you right now: your business or your life? What is it usually?
How do you work through the ebbs and flows of the demands of your life and your business? Do you have any strategies to share?
I can’t wait to hear your stories and experiences in the comments below!
jenny,
permission from myself to slow down never works.. however, when i listen to “master shih” talk about how we all need to step back and slow down, it seems like the sensible thing to do in order to avoid burnout.. your advice is always on target
xo
Aw, you always know how to make me feel good, Danielle! And you definitely deserve to cut yourself some slack. You have some crazy work ethic, woman!
Oh Jenny – you are so speaking my language here! I suffer from chronic ‘busy’ syndrome and have a super hard time slowing down. And all of those fears you shared in this post about business are all the same ones I am beginning to experience. But I also hear those whispers inside that I am approaching burnout status. I’ve taken the first big step by choosing not to return to my day job as a teacher in the fall, and I’m going to try really hard to take time to reconnect with me and my family this summer. Your tips will certainly help and I’m bookmarking this post for the days when I need a reminder to chill! xo.
I know that syndrome, and I still suffer! But my body is telling me it can’t take it anymore, literally! Push push push just leads to bad things on all levels. I have a feeling I’m going to live until 115, so I better watch myself. I also use that as a reminder that I’ve got PLENTY of time to get stuff done.
Yay for you for making some big, difficult decisions and honoring yourself. Have a fabulous time with your family this summer. I bet they’re thrilled to have you!
As usual, this post has such Great timing! I’ve put my work first most of the time for the past 18 months and have been feeling pretty icky about that. My daughter’s babysitter recenty told us she would not be able to work over the summer. After a minor freak out (!!!) I realized this was the opportunity to work less I had been looking for. We have a new plan and I feel good knowing I’ll get to work a little and play a lot this summer!
Sorry to hear you’re losing your babysitter, and happy to hear you took it as an opportunity to look at what’s important to you! Excited for you, Sonia!
Jenny – I started out the year working diligently on your list building program, determined to do it right and grow my list exponentially. As I got a couple of months into it, my inner wisdom rebelled. That approach of trying to force the outcome felt too much like my old way to doing my work life which left my body in a lot of pain. I sensed that in order to make the universal changes my soul yearns for, I need to approach my business in a new way. That meant slowing way down with the business building and blending the nuggets I’ve learned from the list building program into my business in the way that feels best for me, letting go of pressure for the outcome to look a certain way.
Your words above – “If you’re feeling overwhelmed by work or life, or a completely tangled combination of both, please hear this: it’s going to be okay. There are steps you can take that will empower you to reclaim the reins, and put your honest needs in the front seat.” really speak to me and give me the courage to keep trusting my inner wisdom without giving up on my business. Thank you.
I’m familiar with that diligent approach (I was voted “Most Diligent” in high school, OMG). It is totally a path to burnout. Sometimes it amazes me what we can accomplish with a focused, but relaxed approach. Here’s a reminder: https://jennyshih.com/2012/05/how-to-get-exactly-what-you-want-no-visualization-required/
I love that you’re honoring yourself, Gail. And I love that you trust and listen your body when it shouts STOP!
We build these businesses to support us in living lives we love. Why work so hard to hurt our bodies to not love our lives?! Just plain silly! (but a seductive trap nonetheless!)
Cheering you on in building your biz your own way!
Loved this Jenny, just the boost I needed.
All too often I beat myself up about not being there for every aspect in my life fully. I always have to remind myself that I AM NOT superwoman (even if I think I am most days!)
I’ve learnt to accept that tomorrow is another day, and what doesn’t get done today CAN (and usually will) get done tomorrow. Sometimes, it might even take a week – it could make a dent, but LIFE happens and it’s so important to be gentle on ourselves when it happens (I have to repeat this to myself often!)
Systems and help have been my saving grace’s recently. Awesome advice! Sharing!
I’m sure you are superwoman AND that doesn’t mean you can always do it all!
So glad this gave you the boost you needed, Ameena! I love perfect timing.
Tomorrow is another day and it’s okay if a few things have to wait. Most things wait pretty patiently. 🙂
Hi Jenny –
This article is spot on not only in terms of some upcoming life/work balance decisions I need to be making, but also in terms of my new focus on MINDFULNESS in my coaching practice.
As I read your article, I kept saying to myself “yup, mindfulness”, that’s what it’s all about. If we are connected to ourSELVES; if we are aware of our thoughts and what our bodies are telling us we are being mindful!
It is so great to see the concept and practice used in this way! (and by you!)
Cheers,
Alex
Absolutely, Alex! Mindfulness definitely helps sort out this life vs biz conundrum… and I know you know this well! 🙂
Amen! I’m all about the ebb and flow! Right now it’s flowing back into my business after I allowed it to ebb a bit as I prepped for the launch of my group coaching program. Now that the program is underway, I’m shifting that energy back into finishing up the details on my uber-awesome new opt-in (inspired by YOU and your Get your first 1000 subscribers program, of course!).
Love to hear you talking about listening to the intuition – and your spot on description of what that voice sounds like 🙂
Hi, Jenny!
This post truly resonated with me….my work is my life! I’m an artist and a freelance instructor (fitness & ESL), so I tend to suffer from what I’m calling “stressed caretaker syndrome”—chronic fatigue, insomnia, muscle & joint pain, erratic schedule, perfectionism, etc.
Thank you for sharing your insightful strategies for prioritizing self-care. As women entrepreneurs, we MUST remember that self-care is as much a priority as sales & marketing! Here’s the link to a post I wrote for Terra Bohlmann’s ‘The Working House’ blog about the work/life balancing act:
Have a great day & thanks again!
—Felicia
So true! If we don’t take care of ourselves, we’ll eventually be unable to take care of anyone else. June is lining up to be focused self-care month for me. I know it’s time, and I’m making it a priority — need to refill the well.
Thanks for sharing here!