I feel really lucky to do the work I do. To have created a business that lets me design my own schedule. To meet and work with incredible people. To have clients who inspire me to do a better job and to make a difference in the world.
And then tragedies like the one in Boston make my heart ache for all of the pain in the world. I question whether I’m doing work that’s important enough. I can tunnel into a pit of despair in 1.37 seconds. Often faster.
I stopped watching or listening to news the day after 9/11. I’ll even leave a room if it’s on. My empathic self can’t take in the pain of the world; I feel like I’d collapse and die. I give myself a very hard time for this.
I know that getting angry with myself or wallowing with the world’s darkest places doesn’t serve anyone or change anything. Yet I still go there when tragedies like the one in Boston strike.
Last year I found a glimmer of light in some words Cee Lo Green shared on an episode of The Voice (a reality TV show for vocalists, in case you haven’t heard of it). He said something like this to one of the contestants on stage:
“We are given the gift of singing. By sharing our gift, we touch people’s hearts, sometimes at their most darkest moments, in a way no one else can. Other times, our singing serves as a necessary distraction from the suffering they are feeling. It is an honor to do what we do.”
These words were a spotlight on a new perspective, one I hadn’t seen before. I saw what happens when each of us follows our heart and does what we’re meant to do.
Imagine if Michael Jackson decided that singing wasn’t noble enough? Or Madonna? Or Lady Gaga? How would our world be different without their influence?
I would not have survived college without Ani DiFranco. Her music helped me survive, day after day, during some of my darkest years. That was most certainly as noble as a therapist or a trauma nurse. Her gift met me exactly where I needed it, when I needed it, how I needed it, like nothing else or no one else could.
Cee Lo Green is meant to sing. Others cut hair, act, make fancy lattes, teach, design, create, inspire, coach…. We all play a role in this world. One job is not more noble than another. Not more important nor more essential. They are all needed.
We need people to pick up the weekly garbage, mow lawns, check us out at the grocery story, design computers, grow vegetables, clean hotel rooms, and teach history.
When I question my business and what I’m doing, I’m questioning the divine design of the world. I’m declaring my gifts to be “not enough.” When I do this, I stop sharing them with the world. When I stop sharing them with the world, the world suffers. You suffer, then your clients suffer. Then their families and friends suffer. And the ripple continues.
I must stop doing that. I must stop saying that my gifts and talents aren’t the right ones. Instead, I must own them and use them to the fullest extent possible.
At the same time, I do not ignore nor forget those who have the courage and strength to face difficulties, help others during their darkest moments, or travel to the poorest countries in the world to create change at ground level. They are most definitely needed, and the world is a better place because they do what they do.
My heart aches for Boston, a city full of memories from my younger years. I still have family and friends there. I know they are hurting from Monday’s tragedy, along with those who were directly impacted by the bombings.
I shed tears for them. I feel their pain. And I resolve to keep showing up every day to do my work in the world. I will not let circumstances like this one pull me off course, declare my work less than noble, or pull me into the pit of hopelessness.
In the mean time, I’ll keep doing what I do, serving the world in the one way I best know how. And I hope you will do the same.
Do I have this fully resolved in my mind? Of course not. Am I looking deeper at how I can make a lasting impact on the world? Yes, daily.
I want to know what the bombings in Boston stirred up for you.
Please share your reactions in the comments on the blog. I’m positive you have something to share that we all can learn from.
I really connected with this, Jenny. I often feel overly affected by the tragedies in the world. I’ve not really made any sense of the Boston marathon incident yet, but it’s a reminder to me that life is so desperately fragile. Our bodies are fragile, our time on this planet is short, there are absolutely no guarantees of any outcome ever–even while fulfilling your dreams (of running a marathon, etc.). For that, I just try to live fully in the moment. What else is there?
I’m with you. At this point, during times like this, I can just be here, now. As I continue my search for meaning and purpose in my life, I hope to understand what drives tragedies like this one. For now, I’m mostly at a loss. So I send as much love as I can to anyone who is suffering.
i love you and what you do more and more each day jenny.. you have such a big heart and so much knowledge to share.. the world is a better place with you in it..
xoxo
How did you know I needed that hug today? Thank you!
And I send all of that love right back your way, Danielle. I’m lucky to have you as a friend!
Jenny,
What a beautiful story and example of shinning the light you were meant to shine in this world. Sending love and healing energy to the beautiful city where you grew up
Thank you, Kendrick!! xo
Hey Jenny – This is a great/inspiring story! What came up for me is “what is this world coming to and does anything we do matter anymore?” I know that we have to continue doing our best work and helping in anyway we can but it does feel counter-productive sometimes! Again thanks for the inspiration and for reminding us that whatever we are doing does matter and we should continue!
It is hard, Stephanie. And I certainly don’t have the upbeat attitude daily, or in the moments when I hear of these disasters. It can be frustrating!
I bet, though, that you’re the type of person who keeps looking for reasons and ways to look up and forward 🙂
Love this Jenny. Loved hearing you share about your empathic nature. I’ve been coaching people about this for the last couple of days. I think that for me the message is that life is short and horrible things can happen. It inspires me to use my gifts because we all have an expiry date. Own your original medicine (my new tagline :). What YOU do is worthwhile Jenny. Love you!
Bev, you always know how to cut right to the heart of the matter. I think I’ve been wanting to make peace with “bad things happening,” but I think acceptance is a better route. I see that in your words, “life is short and horrible things can happen.” It is and they do! So yes, let’s use our gifts because they do have an (unknown) expiration date!
Thank you for the heart felt letter as it helped to realize that I can’t stay in the moment of the Boston bombing or any other tragedy. My heart can break, and it does, but it can stay focused on what is happening in my world as well. There will come a day that I might have my own personal heartbreak, my own Boston bombing, but today is not that day, today it’s sunny outside and I am good and my loved ones safe. How unbelievable that we can have good things happening as we continue on in our world, and yet another soul is so hurt by anothers mean and cruel nature. I have to stay away from the overload of news as it will personally tear me to pieces and I need to be aware of all that I personally have to do to live my life. I need to be at peace even when there is no peace in this world. I absorb energy like a sponge, so I am careful with my ears, my eyes and my heart in times such as this. Do I forget? Never! I would never dare to forget every loved one lost or hurt in the marathon or the wars or any tragedy. But life is good for me right now, so I am going to live that life. Thank You for allowing a place to express ourselves.
Thanks for joining us here, Iesslee, and sharing your own struggles. As expressed by others here, we can definitely relate to what you’re experiencing.
So well said. Thank-you!
Such a great post Jenny. I also go through the same feelings after something like this happens. What am I doing? Is it important enough? Am I really helping people in a meaningful way? I let myself and my work feel very small.
But this week, I felt something different. The sadness I feel for the victims has turned to determination and a strong desire to honor them.
Doing my life’s work is part of making the most of the time we do have here. I am not doing my life’s work on a full time basis, but I am more motivated than ever to make that happen. I plan to honor the victims by not taking this time, and this life, for granted. In some odd way, I need to make them proud.
And you’re right, whatever it is you do, if it’s your life work, it’s important in this world and does have a ripple effect.
Thanks for what you do Jenny. Keep doing it.
Thanks, Susan. I love the shift that happened within you this time, wanting to honor the victims in Boston. Although we never want such things to happen, sometimes it’s the ugly parts of life that drive us to make changes. Bravo to you for moving in that direction!
Hi Jenny! great post! Boston stirred up my instinct to go to a numb place. Like I live in Canada and this can’t happen here. But it can. Your post gave me a new beautiful perspective. Thank you.
I can relate to the desire to numb; despair is my go-to default. It doesn’t serve. Being awake does. You are definitely waking up, and that serves everyone.
Jenny, you are such a beautiful soul. I think we needed to hear from you today. I know, I did. My heart is broken over the tragedy in Boston. This senseless, to us, disaster is another sign to me that the world is looking for people like YOU and your readers – we have heart and courage. We are the one of the many lights of possibility and making a difference in the world. Thank you for giving us a place to share, belong and hug.
Love,
Susan
Thank you for this, Susan. This was one of those “scary” posts for me to write. It’s not something I have “all figured out.” Then you’re here, lovingly reminding me that we all feel these things, face these challenges, and try to move through them. Of course! (that was a “Doh!” moment for me) I’m glad you are finding solace in connecting here with other heart-centered world changers. xo
I love this. I often get into the trap of “You should be doing work that’s more valuable – people are DYING, and you’re worried about helping people plan adventures!?”
But I know that this is what my people need me for. My superpower isn’t helping the dying children, or the wounded victims, or the homeless. So I let someone else do that – someone who as put on this earth JUST to do that. And I stil to what I was put here to do – help the people who are fortunate enough to have relatively free ad easy lives make the MOST of that freedom.
And I know my work does justice to the world. I know it’s needed. Afterall – I give hope and energy to the people who DO want to quit their jobs and help the homeless, the victimized, the dying children. It’s a sweet sweet ripple effect, and I play a big part in it.
THANK YOU for the reminder that we are all valuable, and that saving the world doesn’t have to look like what we think it looks like.
xo
That’s a brutal trap, Becca! I know it really well and have been beating myself up about it since I was probably 6! No amount of volunteer, monetary donations, or community service ever makes me feel like I’m doing enough. I look at my business and think awful thoughts, which is a terrible thing to do! Because you are right — we serve people who serve people … and if we all do our job, every one gets taken care of. No one job is less than or more than. Like Bev said, all of our work is worthwhile. (Now we can let ourselves off the hook, for heaven’s sake!)
Jenny, Thank you so much for this post. I have one foot in a job I don’t want to do anymore and another in my passion. I e-mailed a young woman that I used to work with at job #1 as soon as I heard of the bombings. During our time together, I coached into her dream life which happened to be located in Boston. She opted to watch the race on television instead of being at the finish line which is very near her home. She said that she felt the explosion but she was okay. Then, she asked me how my coaching was going and my hands hovered over the computer keys. I didn’t want to tell her that I was still in job #1. In that moment, I minimized the work I’ve done, the people I’ve helped. I completely discounted that my gift was in some way responsible for her being in a life she loves.
Thank you Jenny for shaking me awake today to the truth that when I discount and question my gifts I keep the destruction going.
You are welcome, Debee. Thank you for being open to hear the truth for yourself. Shaking yourself awake is a gift for yourself and for all of us, because as you continue to see how you are contributing to the world, you open up to contribute even more…. and that is a beautiful thing!
Hey Jenny,
I just wanted to say how much I appreciated your post about Boston and the sentiment that you shared. I had just moved to New York a couple of weeks before 9/11, and I am a total running groupie, which means the people running and the Boston marathon itself hold a special meaning to me (as they do to many). I think it’s sometimes hard to gain perspective after events such as these but I also think it’s important to find that perspective in order to move forward in a positive way. The sentiment you shared in your blog post is, I feel, one of the strongest I’ve heard in terms of helping people gain perspective and process their role in something tragic regardless of whether it did or did not have directly touched their lives. Thanks for writing and sharing.
Jessie
Thank you so much, Jessie. I am honored that these words helped you find a useful perspective despite the circumstances, which is often the most challenging time to find it. The events in Boston affect us all, directly or in directly. We can turn away, or we can turn toward and see what are to learn from it. Sounds like you’re turning towards and I love that. Thanks for contributing here.
This was so lovely, Jenny. And so needed. So many of us feel helpless in situations like these. It’s important to remember that we help by sharing our gifts. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
We may be helpless in this particular scenario, but there are so many other scenarios where we are the one destined to help. Like with your coaching work, Andrea, you are perfect for helping people who are stuck or stalled in their life or career… whereas others would be helpless if faced with those folks. We each have our job. Thank you for showing up for yours!
Hi Jenny
Thank you for the heartfelt post. I love that you’re so real and share your struggles.
It’s refreshing to connect to genuine fears and self doubt as we all have these from
time to time.
Keep up the noble work, we need you! Best Dawn
Thank you, Dawn. As terrifying as it may be to show imperfections, areas we’re uncertain, or places we struggle, it’s those places that we all can connect with. Thanks for acknowledging the “realness,” as it was terrifying to post. (No wonder why I forgot to queue my newsletter to go out this morning on time!)
Oh you hit the nail on the head…I was spiraling into this same pit as I drove through Baltimore today, feeling so much guilt for not doing more.
THANK YOU.
Thank you Jenny! Very profound and much appreciated!
HI Jenny – this was a lovely post. I can’t such much more other than “thankyou”.
So beautiful, Jenny. I could not agree more.
I remember once in high school – back when I wanted to be an actress – a guy in my class said, “Why don’t you be a doctor or something. You’re smart enough.”
“Sure. I replied. But I know that’s not what I’m meant to be.”
And while I may not be literally saving people’s lives in a hospital, I love my “job”. I get to help women boost their confidence so they can change the world with their businesses. Because we need them. We need their gifts. The world would be boring if we didn’t have different passions and different strengths.
Sending love to Boston. I have never been so grateful that my mom’s knees developed arthritis and she stopped running or else she (and probably my Dad) would have been there. My heart goes out to the Boston community and the families who’s lives will never be the same. xoxo
Sounds like you were wise in your early years, Jenna! Yes, we definitely all need to come together with our gifts and talents, strengths and passions, and do what we’re here to do, even when our minds tell us it’s not enough.
Glad to hear your parents are safe!
Jenny, thank YOU for sharing this very personal piece of your life and emotions. I needed to hear that I’m not alone in feeling so deeply and torn between how I want to help and how God intended to use me in the world.
I too am shaken to my core when I learn of tragedies like Boston happen here in the US or anywhere in the world… I feel others pains so deeply. And like you said, I try to focus on what I can do with what I have and where I’m at, but I admit I’ve been in a haze after learning the news.
What was just too strange for me is my boyfriend and I rented and started watching Zero Dark Thirty on Sunday night. After just 15-20 min of watching, we had to turn it off. It was far too painful for me to watch. Then, Monday the bombs went off in Boston.
Thank you for the inspiration and reminding me that I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be.
You are not along in feeling so much of what others feel and in feeling these pains deep within yourself. That awareness is important. During childhood, I was told that those feelings (of others’) that I felt were wrong, that I was wrong. In my late 20s I realized they weren’t wrong, and I started honoring them. It’s challenging to be so empathic, but it’s also a gift, as it allows us to connect with others in a way many can’t. Good for you for honoring what you can and can’t witness. Like you, I can’t do heavy TV or movie violence, so I don’t watch that stuff. We need to care for ourselves in that way, too.
What a beautiful, moving post Jenny. I feel exactly the same way about the news-I avoid listening to it or watchig it because it hits me so hard. That doens’t mean that I don’t think about the people affected and sincerely pray for them…I just can’t keep hearing it over and over.
Your post reminded me of a quote by Edmund Burke, ““The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
You are a good women Jenny. Keep moving forward and inspiring us all to do the same.
We absolutely can pray, care, and send love without having to watch the TV repeat the disasters over and over. In fact, it’s probably more effective than watching replays of the tragedy day after day…
Hi Jenny,
I’m just beginning to get to know you and your wonderful work. (I’ll be working with you after B-school.) But I gotta say, this post shows me your heart. Thank you. I don’t know why these things happen except to say if the person responsible felt/had love in his life…it wouldn’t have happened. So I think the best way to help is to give more love everywhere and to everyone we can. Who knows what tragedy never happened because someone, somewhere got the love they needed. Silvia
I don’t understand it, either, but I too believe that more love would definitely help all of us in bringing the consciousness of the planet up to the next level. And it’s clear that everyone here is doing their part to add more of that to the world.
I loved this post Jenny. I often feel similar to you.. Am I really making enough of a difference. I will sometimes think it was a “cop out” for me to leave elementary school teaching to do coaching. That somehow doing that job and often (suffering through it) would make more of a difference. But then I check in and remember how parts of me were so miserable and that I continue to “teach” but in a way that makes my heart sing makes and the first difference it makes is with me. I take for granted sometimes that just being happy and passionate makes a huge difference in the world because we give others permission to do what they love. Thank you so much for reminding me and giving me a renewed sense of pride and honor in what I do. Thank you!!
You are right on this one: “sometimes just being happy and passionate makes a huge difference in the world because we give others permission to do what they love.”
When I quit my corporate job, some people cheered, others got nervous. I was challenging the status quo that corporate jobs keep us safe and are the best way to make a living. But in doing so, I woke some people up! They had to look closer at their own lives to see if they were happy doing what they were doing. Not always easy, but definitely important.
When we do what we love, we inspire others to do the same. I just have to believe that the more we follow our hearts and our truths, the more others will, too. And that has to be better for the world!