Ever had one of those moments where you realized you’d been living a lie?
There’s an emotional cocktail of shame, anger, and panic that courses through your veins. You’re not sure whether to run and hide, play pretend, or blurt out the messy truth on Facebook.
I had one of those moments a few weeks ago. It certainly wasn’t my first, and I know it won’t be my last.
After coming to grips with the truth, it’s time to confess where I haven’t been running my business in full alignment. I also want to tell you what I’m committed to changing starting right now.
Can you handle this bare-all?
It Began with a Talk
I was honored when Brooke Castillo, Master Coach and Founder of The Life Coach School, invited me to speak at her school’s annual event (at the Four Seasons Biltmore in Santa Barbara, no less!). She asked me to teach her coaches how to start and grow their online coaching businesses.
The more time I spent planning my talk and the more I rehearsed what I was going to say, the more uncomfortable I got. I couldn’t put my finger on why… yet.
Then It Hit Me
While in Santa Barbara, I had the pleasure of discussing business strategy with the three other amazing speakers. The more we spoke about our own business challenges, I slowly began to realize why planning my talk had made me so uncomfortable.
There was one specific area where I wasn’t fully practicing what I teach.
Whether you’ve worked with me, read my blog, or attended any of my free trainings, you know that I insist that your business begin with YOU.
To be successful in these heart-centered businesses we run, you must focus on doing the work you love, serving the clients you love, and being who you really are in every area of your business.
I realized that this was the area where I had been falling short. I hadn’t been fully embracing, coaching, and teaching as 100% Jenny Shih.
Once fully formed, this realization dropped my stomach 10 feet under. Countless fears started racing through my head.
With my upcoming Make It Work Online program ready to begin and some VIP clients lined up for the spring, I began to panic. There’s no bigger turnoff for me than an inauthentic business woman. It sends up a field of red flags.
I had to figure out what I going to do to bring everything into authentic alignment. To do that, I had to figure out how I got off track in the first place.
How I Got Here
Previous to owning my own business, I worked for 10 years at a high-tech Fortune 500 company. I was an engineer at a 24×7 manufacturing facility, a job that required me to collaborate with equipment operators and technicians on a daily basis.
Whenever I had a lengthy experiment to run, I would choose one of the exceptional operators or technicians to run my experiment overnight so I could get the results in the morning instead of spending my whole work day completing the experiment myself.
This fast-tracked my efforts, helping me get a ton of work done in a short period of time (very efficient of me!). The operators and technicians I worked with loved having experiments to run because it added variety to their workday and often led to better performance evaluations from their supervisors.
As I was mastering the art of getting work done without actually doing it myself, one of the senior technicians, Sarah Jane, took me aside for a chat.
She told me that although the operators and technicians liked me and enjoyed working with me, I was always focused on business. She told me that I needed to soften my approach, have more chit-chat time, and care about them as people before I asked for their help.
As a 22 year-old newbie, I figured that this corporate veteran knew better than I did, so I heeded her advice.
Over the next 10 years, I honed my chit-chatty, social, softer side. I inquired more about people’s personal lives, easing into work topics.
For the most part, this served me well, especially when I became a manager at age 26. After all, most employees like to know their bosses care about them as human beings not just worker bees!
At the same time, in making this shift, I lost part of myself and strayed from who I really am: A get shit done, no BS, no fluff kind of woman.
I actually prefer to get right down to business (if we’re talking business) and tackle problems head on.
When it comes to work, I have little patience for bullshit, excuses, or whining. I don’t like to coddle, and I certainly don’t like to let my clients (or my friends) just talk and talk and talk about ideas without ever taking action.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about your kids or your spouse or what you did over the weekend. I do care. I just prefer to talk personal when we talk personal and talk business when we talk business, separating chit chat from getting shit done.
What Got Me Here Won’t Get Me There
Sarah Jane’s advice was helpful in my previous career. It helped me get more done by working with the operators and technicians which helped me accomplish more in my job. I also become one of the favored engineers to work with and then a pretty good boss whom employees and colleagues respected.
Cultivating these skills also have helped make me a strong business owner and leader today.
The problem is that spending all this energy caring about everyone’s feelings also results in a lot of extra work and energy expenditure from me, something I don’t have excess of.
Spending time babying clients, putting up with excuses, and listening to whining strains me, and more importantly, it doesn’t serve my clients!
To help my clients get better results and to build a stronger team and a more successful business, I need to heed the advice I gave at my talk to Brooke’s coaches: I need to be more of myself.
To Get Where I Want to Go
To be clear, I don’t intend to do a 180, turn into a full-on bitch or become a heartless, driven-at-all-cost kind of coach. That’s not who I am either.
To continue to provide best-in-class results and coach in my uncompromising fashion, I have to stop supporting the behaviors that don’t create results. I have to stop putting up with clients who prefer to whine, complain, or make excuses for not taking action.
I need to be the honest truth-teller that got me in trouble as a child and the get-down-to-business woman I was told to tame while I was in corporate.
Of course, I will continue to care about my clients as people (duh!) and support them in the decisions they need to make for themselves (even if that’s choosing not to take action — it really is up to them).
Most importantly, to continue to grow my business, serve more clients, and make the impact I know I’m here to make, I must strip back the layers that I’ve piled on to get back to who I am and how I work best.
Why I’m Not Beating Myself Up About This
Now I could spend hours and days or longer beating myself up about not doing what I teach my clients, but I’m not, and here’s why.
First, I wasn’t knowingly not being myself. I’m actually quite real with my clients, on my blog, in my videos, and when I coach. I don’t “fake it” well, ever. It wasn’t until I taught “start with YOU” for the 37th time that I realized there was a disconnect in my own business.
Second, whatever you teach in your business is something you, yourself, will learn and will be required to practice year after year in your business. Tweet that!
Weight loss coaches, business coaches, life coaches, nutritionists, healers, teachers… whatever you area your business is an area where you’ve committed to learning and growing.
For me, I teach people to create businesses they love by not working so hard and always starting with what they love most. This means I’m always going to be revisiting these topics for myself in my own business.
Being, Coaching, and Teaching as I Am
As I’ve come to realize my internal/external discrepancy, I’m looking more closely at who I am and what my natural MO really is.
It’s not just about stripping back to my 22-year-old self. I’ve grown, learned, and matured quite a bit in the past 14 years.
My job now is to find the authentic balance between caring about people and LOVING to get down to business, tell the truth, and and get things done.
Will my shift be always graceful? No. (But truthfully, things aren’t always graceful anyway, even without a conscious transition.)
Will I get it right every time? Absolutely not.
Is this a problem? No way.
I’ll be doing what I always do in my business and with my clients: focusing on providing best-in-class results and established expertise with uncompromising standards.
Why We Don’t Like to Do This (a.k.a. The Consequences of Bring True to Ourselves)
Even though I’m ready to strip back closer to my essence and be more of the woman I really am, and even though I’ve committed publicly to doing this, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t bring up fears, worries, and mental garbage.
What if you don’t like me?
What if people think I’m a heartless bitch?
What if I upset others?
The truth is it might happen.
The excuse-makers, whiners, complainers, and people who really don’t want to make their business work will not like me. They will unsubscribe, say nasty things about me on Facebook, and continue to NOT be successful in their businesses.
And I’m okay with that. It’s their choice.
The flip side is that I will attract more driven, focused, committed women. I will attract the women (and men) who want to take action, get real results, and commit to their own success.
In the end, I will impact more lives in greater ways. I will attract more of MY PEOPLE. And together, we will change the world.
Those that don’t want to really commit? They can hang out until they’re ready (or they can leave). In the mean time, I’ll be focusing on those who are ready to take action and make big things happen.
What This Means for You
You might be wondering if and how this change in how I approach business will impact you.
It’s pretty simple: you’ll continue to get the straight-up, no fluff advice I’m known for, so you can learn about business, marketing, productivity, and systems and move your business forward.
You’ll also get to watch me on my journey and see how you can learn from my mistakes and wins along the way.
Basically, you’ll keep getting great free business tips and trainings from me in my no-BS style that you already love.
Have You Been Telling the Truth?
Now that I’ve dished my truth, I’d love to hear from you.
I challenge you to tell the truth, whatever it is.
As you read my story, what comes up for you?
Are you wanting to unsubscribe and leave my readership? Or does it pull you closer?
What reflections do you have about yourself and your business?
Is there an area where you’ve been holding back part of yourself that you’re ready to reveal?
Let’s start some truth-telling and rabble-rousing, coaching, sharing, and supporting in the comments below. If you have questions for me about today’s post, please add those as well.
Bonus Points
Feeling like this stirred something within you? Like you’re ready to dive in deeper, be who you are, and really change the world?
Love it!
Please take a minute to spread the word about this mission I’m on. Please share this post with a friend, with a colleague, and in a Facebook group full of world-changers. We need more women showing up as themselves, building business, and taking charge of their lives.
Together, we can make big things happen.
To you being you and to you changing the world,
xo
Jenny
To answer your question: Pulls me closer! Did it stir something? Yes, to reflect on being more BOLD in showing up as me in my business.
Yay, Sundae! I definitely want women like you coming closer 🙂 I’m excited to see you be more BOLDLY you!!
I get it and know that your self-awareness will attract more of the clients you want, whether It’s because they’re kindred spirits or because they are very unlike you and need you to give them a supportive kick in the @$$. Personally, I’m going to remember this post for a long time and appreciate the honesty.
Happy to hear this resonated and will stick with you, Cherie! I love your take — people are pulled in as kindred spirits or because they need the opposite of what they are. That’s so true!
Love the honesty! Love the humanity (what if people don’t like me?)! But my fav part was “Why I’m Not Beating Myself Up About This”! We shouldn’t beat ourselves up, even if we get “haters”. When you know better, you do better. Live and Learn.
Thanks Jenny 🙂
“When you know better, you do better.” Absolutely, Leesa!
This definitely pulls me closer, Jenny. I’m also currently reflecting on how I can be more ME in my business and I really do trust that this authenticity is what will attract loyal clients and lifelong friends. Thank you!
I firmly believe it works!! Have fun playing with it seeing what unfolds, Stephanie.
Jenny,
It definitely pulls me closer! I appreciate that you know and own who you are, even when it feels scary and vulnerable.
And, you owning your truth helps me look inward and understand who I am more. The “start with ME” honest truth is that I prefer to work in the emotional realm (rather than the down-to-business action realm), and that helps me feel even better about my What I Do Summary! Thank you for that!
Love the extra clarity and confidence you have here, Kristin! That’s what this work is all about (and what we’re all about in Make It Work Online). Cheering you on!
Jenny, as a girl who fast-forwards past the fluff at the beginning of most videos and webinars to ‘just get to it’, you’re definitely pulling me in closer. Thanks for being authentic!
Fantastic! The women I love best are the ones who appreciate the straight-up, down-to-business approach that I like best.
I haven’t been putting my complete self out there. I haven’t shared when I mess up as a food intolerance and gluten free coach. I got cross contaminated about 2 months ago and it has impacts. I hide out. I have share all of me to get clients to come to me. They see I make mistakes and its nothing bad. Part of learning and that learning never stops. I haven’t been able to get clients since I got one. I think not putting me out there is holding me back and finding the people that need me. Trying things at events that I normally wouldn’t do and one thing I tell my clients and readers out there about too. If it could make you sick don’t eat it. This was perfect for me. Thanks
Authenticity and mistakes pull your clients closer. I see this a lot with weight loss coaches. They think they always have to have the perfect weight and body and never eat sugar or strew-eat to be a great coach. I argue that the opposite is true! When they admit that they struggle with these things, potential clients see them as human and relatable — and that’s always the kind of person we want to sign up with. This applies to everyone regardless of their business.
Fantastic, love this. I think it was really important to recognise this about yourself, act on it and own it.
Thank you!
Very well written! It’s taken me a while to get to this place in my business as well. I finally realized that I don’t want to work with people who don’t want to do their work. I’m not a babysitter or hand-holder. I think it’s possible to hold the space for someone’s growth and appreciate that there are always steps backwards, but if the intention to kick ass is there, that is what I love; maybe it’s compassionate tough love. 🙂
Thanks for sharing!
Love your clarity about yourself and your people. That will serve you and them well!
Jenny: great stuff! I’m happy to hear about your shift…as someone who is constantly labelled an “empath” I need to learn to be more direct and business like as I grow my business. So I look forward to learning more from you! And am still hopping to do one of your programs…best of luck with the new shifts. Kim
Great, Kim! It’s good to know what you bring to the table and where you need to strengthen your skills. I look forward to working with you in the future!
Thank goodness! I’m exactly this way too, and someone had that conversation with me when I was the same age. Good for you. Honestly this made me sit up and notice/connect with you in a way I never have before.
That’s so funny that someone said that same thing to you! I seriously thought it meant I was weird because she had to tell me that 🙂
Definitely not the only one! (and I thought I was the same one too…)
Wow – love the gutsy but self-compassionate way you gave voice this. “the talk” I got in my 20’s was the opposite: “toughen up!”. Which I did when it wasn’t really me. Now I can be the “business person” when I need to, but realize my open, sacred self is what feeds my soul.
How funny, Darlene! I can totally see that conversation happening (not because i know you to be that way but I can just imagine it). I love that you know now how to balance the softer, sacred you and the business person. It’s good to have both sides and know when to use them!
Love it! I for one am excited to see the next stage in your business growth. I think it’s fantastic you recognized this in yourself and that you have the guts to not only talk about it, but act on it.
As a people-pleaser by nature I totally resonate with “what if you don’t like me”. And one of the things I appreciate about you is that you give your clients and community permission to be themselves and bring more of that into their businesses. So I recognize that I can bring that people-pleasing side of Jenna into my business in a positive way – by setting up clear boundaries so I don’t get walked all over, but letting my empathy shine through as well.
It’s always a dance, and we’ll never get it perfect but at least we get to work in integrity when we try.
Yes, permission to be yourself is fully granted to each and every one of you all the time no exceptions!!
i love that you’re looking to bring the people-pleaser to your biz in a positive, constructive way. That’s such a great way to look at it. It’s also role-modeling great things for your clients, and that’s win-win!
Happy to see you here, Jenna!!
OHH I love this! And I love your no BS approach- its part of the reason I wanted to work with you. I hate small talk: lets skip to big dreams and to-dos and get shit done!
In my own life, people always assume I have CRAZY AMAZING sex all the time and my relationship is like omg totally perfect. Nope – the difference is I’m dedicated to making it work (see what I did there?!) and making it amazing more often than not and figuring out what works for us. My fears generally are around “this has already been done” and “what if people think I’m a fraud?”
Well my best clients do love the no-BS approach 🙂 Yes, let’s get shit done!
Just like my comment to Connie earlier, it actually serves you and your audience to show up in your truth and talk about challenges. If we think you have it all figured out already and are just picture perfect, we’re a little less interested in hiring you. We are most attracted to the people we can relate to — and mistakes and challenges make us relatable. Share YOUR truth and YOUR expertise because NO ONE has done that already — only you can!
Spot on Jennie! Your ability to get to business is exactly why I worked with you in starting my coaching business…back in the day.
I was just confronted with the same thing about being myself, when a potential new client interviewed me. I was merrily my self which is business first, personal second. She wrote and said that she was interviewing other coaches, and I was was number 1…bingo..or so I thought.
Two days later she happily announced via email that she found a coach who would gently nudge her to her next goal.
Nudge her? Certainly, not my approach…and for weeks, I have felt bad about my approach..maybe I should be more gentle and less—get it done.
Now, I am free of that negative thinking…Thank you Jenny. Your blog totally freed me up!
Onward! xo Susan
Love that, Susan! If you’re not a nudger, don’t try to be one. Be the best way you are with your clients and that will help them and make you love the work even more!
Great seeing you again!
Recently, i let go off a retainership in a 20 million dollar Herbal supplements company, because i realised the owner/chairman is not ready to change the work Culture/Structure , even by a bit. He has a web/coding team of 10 from year 2000, still publishing static pages.
online revenue is zero..naturally, when you don’t even have a provision to comment/interact.
like you , i started feeling that he’s not my Tribe, and i shouldn’t waste time in such places because i won’t be Fulfilled if can’t create a win-win.
you think i did right?.. or was it a hasty decision? or was there a better option at all to handle such.
What’s a right decision or not a right decision isn’t really that straightforward. We each have so many factors that effect us each personally, so as long as you feel like it’s the right move for you, it is!
Hi Jenny. Yes! to moving from your authenticity. It’s the real formula for success…so good on you, and …
it makes sense that some of your clients will whine and complain given that you are a business change-maker, and change often activates people’s deepest fears. Addressing and accomodating deepest fears can feel like babysitting, and for sure results in detours and derailments.
As a psychotherapist, I’ve often wondered how coaches deal with the deeper/darker layer of clients which can so disrupt and distract from the “business at hand.”
Anyway, I am so happy to hear you write about this, because the online business I’m currently incubating addresses just this tension and need.
Thanks for the call-out.
I’m personally fortunate to have a strong life coaching background and can bring that work to my clients when it’s needed. It’s not the focus of my work but a great go-to option when people get stuck. Because you’re totally right — big changes bring up big fears.
Best of luck with your incubation, Eva!
Kindred spirit!
The need to be “softer”, “not as abrasive”, and especially to accommodate entitled co-workers just because – that is probably the biggest factor that drew me out of corporate. Keep being you. God knows the world needs more frank, no-BS people.
Good to read you, as always.
Thank you, Marina!!
Closer, definitely. Deeply grateful for the distinctions, and the clarity, and the willingness to set a boundary around over-taking-care of others while loving to get down to the business of changing the world. Resonate completely. Thank you!
“Loving to get down to the business of changing the world” — you nailed it! 🙂
I had to sit with this one for a few days before I could respond. To be honest my first reaction was of surprise and a little disappointment. How could you, someone so good at this, have gotten derailed? How could that happen? But as I sat with it, I realized that in your gesture to share yourself so authentically, these questions challenged a notion I’ve held about “experts” (whether it’s me or someone else) that seems to be my own roadblock. Which is….why CAN’T we get derailed? We’re all human. We all are paving our paths, sometimes with our head down so far we haven’t looked up in a while to see where we’ve come and how we’ve gotten here. Sometimes we’re nudged off the path by some subtle and not so subtle messages about where we *should* be headed. It’s what we do once we’ve figured out we’ve gone off path that makes all the difference.
Your authenticity, genuineness and openness is what brought me to you in the first place and after this post, it has only strengthened my support and respect for the work that you do. Thank you Jenny for all that you do. Wishing you the best on your new journey back to the main road. 🙂
I love that you took the time to think about what you thought about this post!
Your reaction is one of the exact reasons why I wrote this and two similar posts like it in the past (among others).
https://jennyshih.com/2014/08/effd/
https://jennyshih.com/2014/08/many-failures-can-one-woman-survive-youd-surprised-aka-effd-part-2/
There are two coaches I worked with in the past who tried so hard to make it look like everything was working seamlessly for them (one as a life coach; the other as biz and life). I actually bought into the idea that they had it all together, to my own detriment. I kept using them as my measuring stick and always felt inadequate.
Then, with each one, I remember the moment where there was a crack in their armor and the truth that things weren’t perfect or seamless came shining brightly through. I was devastated and furious. Of course, that was all my baggage, and it was challenging to face. The thing I took away from that was to never perpetuate the lie that success = perfection or perfection leads to success.
No matter how much I’ve done right, I’ve done equally as many things wrong. No matter how much I’ve figured out, there’s more I still don’t understand.
I believe that any coach who wears the armor or perfection not only hurts their clients but does a disservice to the world. Perfection and having it all figured out is bullshit, unrealistic, and impossible.
Instead, I believe in showing you my cracks, my mistakes, and my imperfections (not all of them, of course, but the right ones that emphasize important points I want my readers to understand) so you can see that you don’t need to have it all figured out, to know it all, or to be perfect to be successful.
We love Oprah because she’s been so open with her struggles. She’s successful AND she’s human. We love real people more than models of perfection.
And the truth rings louder and deeper than anything else.
I’m here for the first time, and I find it very serendipitous that we’re writing about what is essentially the same thing: be you in your business, life, everything.
My post is a little wordy and reminiscent because well, that’s how *I* do stuff.
You’re right about this being both a lesson we teach, and a lesson we ourselves learn every day.
I’m now more adamant than ever on doing things my way, no matter what the popular opinion is, but I’m sure there will be opportunities to step into it more fully.
Love this post Jenny! It really resonates with me – as it has & will with so many others. Accepting my vulnerabilities & mistakes as lessons and courage-building strengths hasn’t always been easy, but what a weight is lifted when I do!
Our imperfections are what make us interesting (it’s at the core of what I offer!) and, you’re right, sharing them not only helps our followers / peeps / crew relate to us, but owning them helps us grow. Thank goodness you’re normal too – don’t ever go soft on us Jenny!! 😉
Love that we’re all flinging our masks away! Mine is a similar “practice what you preach” mask… here goes: Be kinder to yourself Jeda, your imperfections are your magic ingredients, so release your self-criticism and don’t ever compromise your creative integrity for what you think is expected of a businesswoman – you’re both and it works!
“Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas.” ~Shoseki