I’d love to tell you that getting your subscribers to become clients was as easy as “subscribe n’ pay,” but the truth is that it takes a little more work than that.
And if you’re making the huge mistake I recently talked about—the one that’s likely keeping you from getting the clients and money you’re hoping for—it’s even harder.
[Missed the post? It’s a must-read if you haven’t yet hit your stride in business. Read it here.]
The good news is that there’s ONE simple strategy that makes it easy to connect to your audience and get them to hire you.
I teach it to all of my Make It Work Online clients, and I can’t emphasize enough what a huge difference it makes to their overall client-getting success.
Here’s a quick example of what a game-changer it is. When one client used this strategy, she began getting guest posting opportunities, received raving client testimonials, and created autoresponders to start nurturing her list. Quickly thereafter, she had clients lined up to work with her, and she was loving her business more than ever.
Sound like something you’d like, too? You’re in luck!
Today, I’m going to teach you the top reason prospects aren’t becoming paying clients and how you can turn it around immediately, so they eagerly hire you!
Let’s get to it!
What You’re Doing Wrong
Last week I told you about a mega mistake I made early on in my business.
As a quick refresher, on my website copy and in my blog, I often used terms that were vague and theoretical—words that meant something to me but left prospective clients scratching their heads as to what I actually meant.
Most visitors didn’t understand how I could help them, so I wasn’t getting clients as quickly as I would have liked.
After a lot of head-scratching months, the problem finally became clear: I had fallen into the “Jargon Trap.”
What’s the Jargon Trap?
The Jargon Trap is when you know what your client needs (you are an expert at what you do, after all!), and you write about it from your expert shoes. Meaning, you use your own “expert speak” or “industry slang” or “jargon” to talk about what you do—not words your clients understand.
In short, prospects and potential clients have no idea WTF you’re talking about or that you can help them because you’re using words they don’t understand.
Sure, you might know what your clients need and be a master at helping them get it, but your word choice leaves them stupefied instead of ready to buy.
Click to TweetClients not coming in? There’s a good chance you’ve fallen into the “Jargon Trap.”Every single client I have ever worked with gets stuck in this trap (until I teach them how to get out of it).
The good news is that once they get out of it, all of the business-building and client-getting work they do starts to pay off… and they fill their client rosters.
My Personal Recommendation for YouThe First Five Steps to Getting Clients My Personal Recommendation for YouThe Questions You Must Ask Yourself Before You’ll Get More ClientsHow to Get Out of the Jargon Trap
It’s actually much easier than you think (but only if you stick with me, keep reading, and make these shifts in your own business).
And if you read last week’s post, you already know the first step to solving this problem: Catch yourself in the act.
First, you must notice when you’re using “expert speak” so that you can start to make the shift into using everyday language.
But that’s just the first step.
Next, you have to ask one very important question.
This one question will help you determine if you’re using jargon or everyday language—and then you’ll immediately know if and how your copy needs to change.
The #1 Question to Ask to Shift This Today
What I’m going to share with you now is so simple that if you’re not careful, you’ll miss its power entirely. (So read closely!)
Keep in mind that just because what I’m about to tell you is simple doesn’t mean it’s not effective.
In fact, it’s THE most essential step to gaining more confidence, more clients, and more opportunities as you spread your message, and THE thing that creates the tipping point toward big success for my Make It Work Online clients.
Here’s what you need to do.
(I told you it was simple.)
Let’s see how this question works in action.
The #1 Question in Real Life
Since I’m not a coach who just likes to teach theory without application (I like to teach you the WHAT, the HOW, and make sure you get it RIGHT!), I’m going to do everything I can with this post to help you apply this concept correctly to your business.
Now that you know the question you need to ask, let’s see what happens next.
One of the concepts I teach all of my clients (in Make It Work Online and in Get Your First 1000 Subscribers) is the idea of creating a brief “what I do” summary. It’s just like it sounds, a simple explanation of what you do, who you work with, and what results you get for your clients.
It’s the perfect place to learn to get out of the Jargon Trap and start using everyday-person-speak instead.
Below you’ll see some examples from my clients of their first “what I do” summary, followed by their jargon-free summary. See what an amazing difference there is when they jump out of the Jargon Trap.
Life coach example
Before: I’m a life coach for women who have lost themselves because they’ve been absorbed into the identities of their husband and kids. They’re full of self-doubt and don’t know how to move forward. I help them feel empowered as women and start living boldly again.
Let’s apply the #1 question (Would my target client use those exact words?) to this phrase in her summary: “They’ve been absorbed into the identities of their husband and kids.”
Does anyone actually use those exact words to describe their situation? Do they say to their friends, “I’ve been absorbed into the identities of my husband and kids”? Of course not!
Applying that question to every single word of her summary, check out her everyday-person-speak, updated summary.
After: I’m a life coach for women who have lost themselves in the demands of everyday life. They are stuck and don’t know how to move forward. I help them take bold steps toward new dreams so they can finally feel happy.
Wow! What a difference! Now, you actually know what it is she does!
Health coach example
Before: I work with women who are frustrated with sugar and their digestion and looking to resolve the cycle of cravings and bloat for good. By bringing clarity to what the cravings and symptoms mean, I get to the root of the problem, find simple changes and get my clients to finally feel good again.
Again, when you apply the #1 question to every word in her summary, you get the everyday-person-speak version that you actually understand!
After: I help women who have lost their energy and just don’t feel like themselves anymore. They want a holistic approach with a practitioner who will really listen, do the digging and find solutions tailored to their needs. Together we get to the root of the problem, find answers and get them feeling normal again.
Homeschooling coach example
Before: I work with overwhelmed parents whose children are miserable in school or who struggle with making homeschooling work. I help them understand what they need so they can be confident in their educational choices and create a home life with children enthusiastic about learning.
After: I am a homeschooling coach and an unschooling mentor who works with parents who are frustrated with their current educational approach. I provide the information they are looking for and help them create a homeschooling plan that will actually work.
Do you see the difference in the language? It’s sometimes very subtle, but it makes all the difference to your potential clients.
Although these examples are from coaches (they were the first of my clients to say, “Share mine!” and truly, coaches are the worst when it comes to jargon!), this applies to all service-based business owners.
This #1 question has been used by all of my clients, including copywriters, designers, social media experts, dietitians, accountants, yoga teachers, therapists, acupuncturists, naturopathic physicians, consultants, intuitive healers, PR experts, commissioned artists… you name it!
All service-providers easily fall into the Jargon Trap!
This Changes EVERYTHING
Sure, your “what I do” summary is a great place to start when it comes to leaping out of the Jargon Trap, but it’s not the only place where you risk falling into the trap.
You must apply the #1 question to all of your messaging: your website pages, package offerings, sales pages, squeeze pages, opt-in offers, autoresponders, blog posts, guest blogs, consultation calls, follow-up emails… the list goes on!
At the same time, there’s a lot more that goes into making money in your online business than just mastering this question.
That’s why I do everything I can here on the blog (for free!) to show you how to build a profitable business doing work you love.
Plus I’m offering a brand new, totally free training on how to master this one question AND everything else that’s required to build your business.
If you’re ready to discover exactly how to get your business to take off, be sure to join this brand-new, totally free workshop. You get a step-by-step plan to fill your roster with perfect clients and make a consistent income doing what you love.
Let’s Clean Up Your Jargon (Free Coaching!)
Not sure if you’re using jargon? Worried you might be caught in expert speak?
I want to help!
The right words can have such a huge impact on your ability to sell your services and grow your business, so I want to help you right here in the comments.
In the comments below, share up to three paragraphs of your copy (copy and paste from your website) and tell me specifically where you’re uncertain. Then I’ll coach you, ask questions, and get you closer to using everyday language (language that sells!).
I can’t wait. I’ll be watching for your copy below!
UPDATE: Now that the Make It Work Online is underway, feedback here is closed.
Hi Jenny! This is such a great topic, perspective and very relevant right now for me. Here’s the “blurb” I’m currently using to describe what I do. After reading your posts, I think I’m guilty of the coach/expert speak you mentioned and I’m not sure how to make it clearer:
I’m a Self-fulfillment Mentor and fierce ally for women who’ve lost touch with their dreams, desires and inner wisdom. I help them learn to navigate the complexities of modern life with more joy and less stress by anchoring themselves in self-awareness, deep self-trust, and exquisite self-care.
Would appreciate your keen eye and thoughts!
Nice job on the brevity of your summary, Christi!
Let’s step through it and use the one question.
As I do with all of my clients, I’m going to ask questions. These are genuine (not leading) questions. Only you can know if that’s what your target clients would say. I just take a guess that it might be off.
Do people know what “self-fulfillment mentor” is? Are they looking for one?
Do they say to themselves, “I’ve lost touch with my dreams, desires, and inner wisdom”?
Do they say, “I need help learning to navigate the complexities of modern life”?
Do they say, “I need to anchor myself in self-awareness, deep self-trust, and exquisite self-care”?
Dig deep and see what you uncover! Report back if you want to do another go-around!
Holy Shih, Jenny!
Thank you. That was amazing. I went through and the answer to your questions was ‘no’. So, digging back through intake forms and my copy bank, I came up with this version, still a little wordy, but I think closer to what you’re teaching here:
“I’m a mentor for women who are lacking energy, passion, and connection with their inner divinity and who rarely listen to their own needs, wants and desires. I help them find a way to stop procrastinating on their self-care, start connecting with their inner divinity, and find the freedom to honor themselves more by doing things that will fill them with energy and excitement about life. Without any associated guilt.”
How does this come across to you?
I’m so happy this helped, Christi!
Nice job looking at their language. You’ve made a huge improvement! Let’s dee if we can take it even further.
Do your people say, “I am lacking energy, passion, and connection with their inner divinity”?
The inner divinity part.. probably not.
Do they say, “I want to find a way to stop procrastinating on my self-care”?
Maybe?
What about, “I want to start connecting with their inner divinity”?
… that phrase again 🙂 … probably not what THEY say. So what DO THEY say?
What about, “I want to find the freedom to honor myself more by doing things that will fill me with energy and excitement about life”?
You’re getting closer, and there’s still some sticky words that are probably what you say but not what they say before they hire you. (This is hard work!)
Can you see how we pull it apart like this, piece by piece?
Thank you, Jenny! It’s such an odd thing to not think in my own mind and to go purely based on someone else’s words, but I can see how this strengthens the message. The above was based on client feedback, the “inner divinity” was from a client, but just one, not something that shows up again and again. I’ve gone back through it again and watched your excellent training video and this is the next evolution of that statement:
“I’m a mentor for women who say yes to others, but rarely listen to their own needs, wants and desires. They often lack energy, passion, and the ability to show their true colors. I help them think outside of the box for themselves, get to know themselves better and tell the truth about what they want. They feel free to honor themselves more by doing what fills them with energy, so that they can be more engaged, happy and full of unshakable joy and peace, without feeling guilty about it.”
I really appreciate your coaching here and I’ll keep working to refine and get this perspective firmly planted in my head. Is there a trick to condensing it once you have it 100% their words?
This is exactly why it’s so helpful to go through this with a pro helping you 🙂 It’s not easy to see where we are in the trap of using jargon — because it’s how we speak every day!
Yes:
“I’m a mentor for women who say yes to others, but rarely listen to their own needs, wants and desires. They often lack energy, passion, and…”
> Pretty close. Definitely in the “good enough” category. Only you can know for sure if you’ve nailed their exact words.
Eh:
“…the ability to show their true colors.”
> Do they say that, or do they say, “to be themselves.” What’s the “everyday person speak” they use?
This part needs to be what THEY want, not what YOU do:
“I help them think outside of the box for themselves, get to know themselves better and tell the truth about what they want. They feel free to honor themselves more by doing what fills them with energy, so that they can be more engaged, happy and full of unshakable joy and peace, without feeling guilty about it.”
What you have there is what YOU do in YOUR words — not what THEY want in THEIR words. And you need to use THEIR words.
This is hard work!
And yes, with practice and a ton of back-and-forth feedback, you can nail it (and condense it). I spend 2 full weeks on this with my Make It Work Online clients. It’s that hard and that important.
You’re definitely closer! Keep it up!
Thank you, Jenny! Taking another look at Make it Work Online. So grateful for your assist in getting me started, you’re definitely a pro!
Awesome! I’d love to see you apply. And if you have any questions, please reach out (or include them in your application). We’re here to make sure you get all the answers you need to make the best decision for you and your business.
Here’s my home page copy Jenny – would love your thoughts!
I work with lawyers and law students who feel overwhelmed, stressed-out, and anxious at the office – and find they can’t seem to leave those feelings behind at the end of the work or school day.
Through my trademark method, Redesign Your Lawyer Mind, I teach my clients practical tools and new ways of thinking that allow them to feel calm, confident, and capable no matter what comes their way.
You nailed that first sentence, Kara. Well done!
The second one needs work — but not because you’re using jargon — because you’re talking about your “process.” This isn’t something I talked about in this post, though, so I’ll explain more.
I generally tell my clients to not talk about their process. What do I mean by process? “My trademark method, Redesign Your Lawyer Mind.” Or “my seven-step process to overcoming overeating.”
Why not include the process? It’s actually jargon! You see, clients aren’t out there thinking, “I need a trademark method (or seven-step process) to solve my problem.” Instead, they’re thinking, “I want someone to help me stop _____ / or start _____ / or finally ______.” So we want to always only use the words they use.
For you, the summary might be something like this:
I work with lawyers and law students who feel overwhelmed, stressed-out, and anxious at the office – and find they can’t seem to leave those feelings behind at the end of the work or school day. They want to know how not be so stressed by work and feel calm, confident, and capable no matter what comes their way.
We’d have to talk more to nail it just right, but hopefully that gives you an idea of what it might be.
How does this sound to you?
Thanks Jenny! That’s helpful. I think I felt like because I’m using what (I hope) are the words to describe how they want to feel at the end that that is the operative part, but I see what you’re saying that talking about my “method” may be alienating or kind of distracting. Will think about taking that part out!
This is Awesome, Jenny! I’m a wellness and leadership coach and I’ve been struggling because I help women create inner balance and outer success but I wonder if spanning two worlds (health & business/leadership success) ends up weakening people’s trust in me. As a spiritual coach, I also wonder if my copy is too jargony – calling, aligned, congruent, etc. Here are my three paragraphs:
If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’re deeply called to serve others and make an impact.But you are lacking the clarity in your vision & mission, the confidence in yourself and life, and the connection to your own deeper center of truth, power, and purpose to be able to congruently and powerfully generate a future that is aligned with who you are and why you’re here.
You want to experience vibrant well-being and success in your life, but right now you just feel like you’re drowning in information and spinning your wheels. You might feel burnt out, out of balance, ungrounded, and depressed; or confused as to how your wounds are a doorway into one beautiful unique calling. And the more you struggle & hustle from a place of disconnection, confusion & overwhelm, the more burnt out you become and the more success eludes you.
I got you. I’m Jessie Kuehn and I help ambitious, soulful women get clear on their calling, transform the disempowering beliefs, health issues, and behaviors that stand in the way of true success, and cultivate soulful systems for visibility and impact.
Thank you!
Jessie,
I definitely think it’s possible for you to span both health and business (I have a past client who does this and does it well). The key is to hone in on the specific issues and words your clients use, not focus on the high-level descriptors you use. (You see how easily and quickly jargon can trip us up?!)
In describing what you do, I make my clients get it down to three SENTENCES 🙂 Yup, it’s hard to get that concise, but no one wants to listen long enough for us to spit out three paragraphs, so we’ve got to be brief and potent!
So my first suggestion is to shorten it to three sentences.
Next up, let’s apply the one question to your summary.
Do your people say, “I am lacking clarity in your vision & mission”?
Or “I’m lacking connection to my own deeper center of truth, power, and purpose”?
Or “I want to be able to congruently and powerfully generate a future that is aligned with who I am and why I’m here”?
The key to really connecting with our clients is to look at each and every word and phrase and ask ourselves, “Would my target client use this exact word/phrase?” And if the answer is no, then head back to the drawing board.
Play with these two ideas — getting it to three sentences and applying the one question to every word and phrase — and see if it gets you closer to expressing what you do in your clients’ language.
Yes, this is hard! 🙂
This is hilarious only because I’m quite enjoying this exercise.
These are the first 3 paragraphs on my website:
—————————————————————————————————
I HELP you figure yourself out in a way that feels A LOT LIKE PLAY (AND LESS LIKE dogma or new agey obscurity), so that you can LIVE in a way that feels good to you.
Whether the ‘LIVING’ is realizing your dreams, figuring out what the heck your dreams even are, working through issues that continue to stress you out, or just improving upon an already ideal state – I’m right there with you.
See… we are constantly making decisions, but we make them in a very TOPSY-TURVY way. We use the OUTER world to inform our INNER world. I help people connect to their inner world to make outer world decisions. And I do this through coaching, dream analysis and visualizations.
Nice to see you here, Dilshad!
First, like with Jessie, we want to get you down to three easy sentences. (But sometimes my clients find it’s easier to start long and shorten later, so that’s okay for now.)
Next up, let’s apply the question to your summary.
Like I said with Christi, I’m asking genuine questions (not leading ones) based on hunches about what your people may or may not say. Only you can know for sure what their exact language is (because they’re your clients!).
Do your clients say, “I want help figuring out myself in a way that feels a lot like play”?
Do they say, “I want someone ‘right there with me’”? I’m thinking they want something more specific than just “with me.” What would that be?
Then in your last paragraph, you’re doing little “explaining” or teaching with this sentence: “See… we are constantly making decisions, but we make them in a very TOPSY-TURVY way. We use the OUTER world to inform our INNER world. “
When we speak to our ideal clients, we don’t need to teach or explain — because we’re already on the same page. So skip that explanation .
Lastly, do your people say, “I want someone to help me connect to my inner world to make outer world decisions”?
Keep playing with it and keep having fun. I’m so glad you’re enjoying this! It will pay huge dividends in your business when you nail it!
So fun to see my coaching summary used in your blogpost! I thought I was such a great writer before MIWO – well, not *great* but good! I’m an editor for an online homeschooling publication and I’ve written for several magazines over the years.
But writing this kind of copy for attracting clients is a completely different style! I wasn’t really communicating what I could DO for them in a way that would make sense to my potential clients. I’ve practically rewritten my entire website because of everything I learned in your course! I knew it needed help but I didn’t really know *what* it needed until MIWO.
Thanks so much, Jenny!!
Haha! It was fun to include your summary in the blog post, Sue!
You’re definitely not alone! most women who join MIWO think they’re great writers (and in general, they are!), but as you’ve discovered, being a good writer and knowing how to write to sell your services are two entirely different skill sets!
It’s been so fun to watch you get out there and build your business. Keep up the great work!!
Hi Jenny,
I’m putting together a new offering to evaluate websites & provide strategic consulting around improving sites. Here’s my copy so far:
How is your current website performing, and what can you do to make it more effective?
Together we’ll dig into your website analytics (and I’ll explain & make sense of all those scary phrases like bounce rate, conversion rate, content rankings, user flow) and compare what’s happening to where you want to go. I’ll suggest ways to streamline your process, make your clients do what you want them to do, and use your website to strategically grow your business.
The process starts with a brief questionnaire, and you’ll give me access to your website back-end and Google Analytics dashboard. We’ll have a 60-minute phone call to discuss what I’m seeing behind-the-scenes and talk about goals you want to pursue. After the call, you’ll receive a 7-10 page report filled with analysis & actionable steps you can take to move forward.
Happy to help, Meg!
First, off, I want to say that it’s easiest to give feedback on an entire offer copy than just part of it (because it’s the full copy that really sells), but I’m happy to look at what you have so far.
I talked a little bit about offer copy in last week’s blog post’s comments, so that might help as well.
https://jennyshih.com/2016/06/copy-mistake-thats-killing-sales/
Let’s start right at the beginning of what you wrote.
“How is your current website performing, and what can you do to make it more effective?”
What does that mean exactly? Performing could mean so many different things? Same with effective. It could be about speed, conversions, traffic, …
So you’ll definitely want to be more specific so people get what you mean right from the start.
Then you dive into what you do exactly (“dig into analytics”). My question for you is this: Is that what your people want? someone to help explain and make sense of things like “bounce rate, conversion rate, content rankings, user flow”? And are they saying, “I want someone to compare that to where I want to go”?
Although that might be what you are doing with them, it’s all about how you position it — and it should be positioned from the perspective of what they say they want.
So… what I’d have you do is start writing the copy using the format I have my clients follow for their offers.
Begin with a few paragraphs that capture the essence of what they’re struggling with. What — specifically in their words — are they saying they are having issues with and what (in their words) do they say they want. And when they get that result, what happens in their life or business? How are they better off.
The best offer copy says, “I understand you” (not literally, but descriptively) and then dives into how that’s accomplished. Eg, with a questionnaire, then a private session, etc.
Does this make sense?
Such good info! I think sometimes we get so caught into what we do (and WE understand it), that’s it’s hard to remember not everyone does. Here is my current coaching description:
Are you tired of being tired?
Have you found it harder and harder to lose those last 5 pounds?
Do you wake up in the middle of the night stressed about your crazy to do list?
Do you want to feed and nourish your family in a healthy and EASY way but just don’t know how to do it?
Ready to go from frazzled to fabulous?
Hi, I’m Pam, and as a Certified Health & Lifestyle Coach, I am thrilled to help busy professional moms create the happy, healthy life they deserve!
If you answered any of the above questions with a YES, I can help you! I work hard to create a supportive environment that will enable you to achieve all of your health and lifestyle goals. I have studied all the major dietary theories and have spent several years diving deep into life and health coaching techniques. I use practical and easy to implement tools and methods to guide you in discovering which approach works best for you.
When I work with my clients, we focus on what I consider the seven key areas of life, because if ANY of these is out of balance, you’ll soon find yourself start struggling with the others. The key areas include: career, family, physical, financial, personal development, spiritual and social.
Working together, we will find the lifestyle choices that best support you. You will be able to make gradual, lifelong changes that will enable you to reach your current and future goals.
Good start, Pam!
I think you’re using a lot of the right words in your copy — it’s not super jargon-heavy. But I would say that it’s a bit generic and disconnected.
Tired, 5 lbs, stressed at night, and nourishing your family are pretty different things.
The thing that would help you the most is to dive into what’s really going on with your most favorite clients. What’s their biggest pain point? What do they need most above all?
Because once you figure THAT out, the rest of the copy nearly takes care of it by itself.
(This is the first lesson in Make It Work Online; without this clarity and specificity, it’s hard to sell what we do!)
So first, narrow in on exactly what they want.
The next, like I mentioned to Meg above, is it needs to then explain how you help them. For example, ditch “the seven key areas” (that’s YOUR language, not theirs); and instead find what they want — and give them that. Even if you end up teaching them those 7 things… it’s done within the session and not within the copy.
Does this make sense?
Makes perfect sense Jenny – thank you!
Hi Jenny,
You are so very helpful. Thank you! Jargon is something I’ve been struggling with for a while…Here is what I have for my what-I-do statement right now:
I help women who struggle with dissatisfaction, high expectations, and resentment for not getting their needs met in relationship, who are always longing for something better, by helping them build a healthy vibrant relationship with their self, so they can have the exceptionally healthy relationship they dream of, and feel a deeply satisfying sense of belonging and peace, no matter what.
Hi Jenny! Heard you on the Storybrand podcast, and now I’m trying to digest all you helpful information!
Here’s my copy:
Most entrepreneurs struggle to keep up with the financial side of their business, I provide bookkeeping services so they can stop wasting time and start focusing on growing their business.
I know that you didn’t start your business so that you could spend tons of time doing admin activities, but as your business grows that’s exactly what’s happened.
Instead of creating content or serving clients you’re stuck dealing with paperwork, bookkeeping, and other admin activities.
Its a struggle to keep up.
And let’s be honest, you’re worried that you’re not doing it correctly.
It’s time to take something off your plate, it’s time to hire a bookkeeper.
Stop wasting your precious time doing your own bookkeeping, get back to the activities that actually MAKE YOU MONEY!
Your thriving business will thank you.
Welcome, Megan! So glad you found your way here. That was a fun mini interview on that podcast. I’m such a fan!
I think you’ve done a great job with your copy. There isn’t a lot of jargon, and you speak directly to your clients.
Since there’s always room for improvement in copy (it’s never “done”), the things I’d say to focus on as you work on your web copy is being certain of the #1 reason your clients hire you. You have a few different reasons in here, and they may all be true, or some might be true, or others might be their main motivation. As business owners, we’re always going to be looking for the biggest motivation as to why clients work with us specifically.
You don’t necessarily need to change anything today. Just keep an ear out for the reason clients hire you. In time, you’ll spot a trend, and you can adjust your copy based on what you learn.
Again, welcome, and I hope you find tons of helpful advice as you poke around. There’s so much here!
Hi Jenny! I’ve copied two paragraphs from my “about me” section. Thanks in advance for your feedback!
Jasmine Shiri is a versatile actress. She enjoys learning and creating, and she finds joy in teaching others what she knows. Her mission is to equip actors with the know-how to remain confident and diligent in their craft while feeling their best. She believes that feeling good promotes positive energy and allows one to tap into their creative space freely.
Jasmine Shiri works with actors on a one-on-one level, developing tailor made strategies to fit their needs. She offers a variety of consultation calls that caters to actors on many levels. If you’re struggling to find representation or struggling in the audition room…Jazzy is your girl! She also works with actors one-on-one to develop scene study techniques.
Nice to meet you, Jasmine!
A few tips for you…
I recommend that my clients write their about page in the first person. Use “I’m a …” and to someone who wants to hire you, talk to them as “you,” so it’s like you’re having a conversation. You can see that same format on my about page. https://jennyshih.com/about/
Then the next thing is to ask yourself if your words are words that your clients would use. For example, where you have “equip actors with the know-how to remain confident and diligent in their craft while feeling their best.” Do actors come to you and say “I want to be equipped with the know-how to remain confident and diligent in my craft while feeling my best”? Probably not 🙂
Go through your entire copy, asking that question with every word and phrase. (This is difficult, but so important!)
If you do those two things, I think it will really speak to your people.
Wow! I’d already started to get ideas about how to edit my “about me”(and my entire website) after reading the blog. I started not to post, and just edit how I saw fit. I’m so glad I did post because I wasn’t even thinking to change the things you pointed out. Ha! Thanks so much. I’ll get to it!
Awesome, Jasmine! I’m so glad you asked. That’s what I’m here for and a big part of what I do with clients. Cheering you on for your edits and a stronger about page!
Hi Jenny! So far, I’ve re-worked my home page.
Here’s what it says:
Are you OVERWHELMED with where to start? Does your acting career look like a HUGE MOUNTAIN to climb? Are you ready to be more CONFIDENT and PRODUCTIVE? Look no further. I’m Jasmine Shiri, and I provide actors with tailor-made action plans to help them prepare for agents, managers, and roles!
Am I getting there?
Btw, StoryBrand is what brought me here! You offer sooo many wonderful resources. I’m excited to see what’s is store when the courses open up!
I love that you keep at it!
I think you’re doing okay, but you’ll want to be more specific. For example, who in the world isn’t overwhelmed? Who doesn’t want to be more confident and productive?
Those are pretty generic and applicable to everyone, so how can you make this more applicable to your people?
Hi Jenny,
My mother language is not English, although I did go to high school in an English speaking environment. So I am double careful when I put English text on my website.
I am now struggling on how to describe what I do. As a business and leadership development coach, I have clients coming to me as private people, but working on these issues. I had my own company for 10 years, so I attract these kind of people. What I have discovered, is that their connection with their leader or brave selfs need to be strengthened, in order for them to get tangible results in their businesses, or in their leadership roles. So I actually develop connections. 🙂
I also can teach how to develop connections with other people, as this is one of my biggest strengths. So I might be niching towards developing connections. I would appreciate your thoughts on the next few lines:
“I am here to help you create inspiring connections, locally and globally. A connection with yourself, so that you can do great work that fits your own terms and rhythm, and which can also inspire others. And a connection with others, where through sharing experiences and supporting each other, you can create great and inspiring work together. We will achieve both through conversations. My job is to facilitate these inspiring conversations.”
Thank you
Eva
The main question you’ll want to ask yourself, Eva, is “Would my client use those exact words?”
For example, would your clients say:
* I am looking for someone to help me create inspiring connections, locally and globally?
* I want a connection with yourself, so I can do great work that fits my own terms and rhythm, and which can also inspire others?
* I want connection with others where…?
You get the idea.
My guess is your clients aren’t using those words, so you’ll want to revisit the specifics and think about what THEY would say in THEIR own words. This isn’t easy!
Hi Jenny. I definitely need help with my jargon! I just pasted this from my website for you to critique for me if you could?
“I provide Life & Wellness Coaching; as well as wellness care treatments for those who are looking to better themselves inside and out. I incorporate several methods into my treatments which aim to address the mind~body~spirit needs of every client. I focus on guiding individuals toward personal excellence along holistic pathways. I can also offer natural health tips for you to enjoy a healthy lifestyle. I look forward to helping you create an experience of optimal health, no matter which treatment or wellness consultation you will choose”. Yikes! When I ask myself the question ‘is this what my target client would say’? Wow, not!
I love that you’ve caught yourself, realizing that your words aren’t exactly your clients words. Good job!
Next up: Find those words 🙂
Hi Jenny ~ hoping this thread is still open! This is the language on my coaching page. I like it, and would love your thoughts. My niche is defined in the start. Just not sure about using the term ‘high impact leader’:
Coaching for Leaders
You want to live out a bigger dream, have more of an impact with your life. You know that you’re a high impact leader who’s capable of leaving a positive mark on the world. This calling, this sense of your own potential and power is a vital part of your identity. Perhaps you accessed it at one point in your life and then it got away from you. Or maybe you’ve always known it’s there but can’t quite seem to connect.
You know that your life won’t be complete if you don’t find a way to fulfill this potential. But you feel stuck and it’s taking a toll on your confidence, and belief in the possibility of what once felt so obvious.
~You’ve probably tried many different modalities, therapists and coaches to help you move forwards but you end up not feeling like they really ‘get’ you. Or maybe you’re new to this.
~You might feel like you’re repeating a pattern that’s been around as long as you have, and you can’t seem to move it out of the way.
~You’re probably sitting at a crossroads, feeling stuck and knowing that now is the time for something to change.
It’s probably impacting your effectiveness at work and at home.
~You crave change, clarity, confidence and a plan of action you can follow.
You’ve come to the right place.
SOME WAYS I’VE HELPED OTHERS
Identify meaningful work
Re-engage at work
Strengthen communication skills
Move and get hired abroad
Conflict resolution skill building
Lead powerfully so that others want to follow
Clarify business objectives in preparation for acquisition
Transition into business ownership
Freedom from well established inner critics, judges and other self-sabotaging parts
RESULTS YOU CAN EXPECT
Clear blocks and blind spots
Either re-engage where you are, or successfully move on
Clarify your professional roadmap
Rediscover courageous, confident, resourceful parts of yourself
Get where you want to go
WHAT YOU RECEIVE
I work closely with a small number of clients and customize the frequency and amount of consulting/coaching to the needs of each client and their professional goals. Coaching relationships typically last from 6-12 months.
Because of my deep commitment to my clients I choose people who are genuinely ready to do the inner work needed to move forwards. Most of my clients are tired of cookie-cutter solutions and want to work with someone who sees and understands them, plus has the business background to get strategic.
Reach out for an initial conversation to see if we’re a match.
Hi Clara! I love someone who dives in! Although personal feedback is closed, but we are having some fun together in Prep School, looking at niching, websites, and everything to help get cents. Come join us: http://makeitworkonline.com/prepschool
Hi Jenny,
I’m a product photographer that creates content for brands. I’ve been reading your information all day and I’m having difficultly finalizing the proper wording for my pitch in a way that shows my value and is easy for brands to understand WHY I do what I do. Would you mind helping me refine and think through this, please? I feel like my last sentence could be worded differently, but I’m stuck on how to explain it without getting technical. Thanks in advance!
I’m a photographer for brands who are ready to create content that inspire customers to invest in their products. I help them bring their creative visions to life by customizing each image to create a cohesive brand story.