Here’s some great news:
You can get an ROI (return on investment) from everything you invest in, and it’s easier than you think.
Before I explain how, there’s one thing you must first understand.
And even though it’s easy to understand, it’s hard to live by. But you can’t get far in life or business (at least not with your mental and emotional well-being intact) without it.
We’re talking about 100% personal responsibility.
100% personal responsibility for…
- Your actions
- Your non-actions
- Your thoughts
- Your feelings
- Your reactions to circumstances
- Your reactions to your thoughts
- Your reactions to your feelings
This is the ultimate form of adulting—showing up and fully owning ALL of which you have control.
Let’s break it down even further, so we’re on exactly the same page.
Then I’ll show you how to use this skill (yes, I believe it’s a skill you can learn and master) to get an ROI from every investment. I realize it might seem far-fetched and unrelated, but I promise you they’re so tightly connected that you won’t be able to separate them.
What exactly is 100% personal responsibility?
It means owning EVERYTHING over which you have control and not expecting anyone or anything to be the way you want in order to be okay.
The truth is, we can’t control our circumstances (the “facts” of the world, like whether or not it’s raining, the driver in front of you, or how someone else dresses), and we can’t control the past.
We can, however, control how we deal with all of these things.
We can control our thoughts about them, our feelings about them, and how we choose to respond.
In two bullets:
- We cannot control circumstances or the past.
- We can take full control of how we deal with those things.
Let’s look at a real life (my life) example of facing the issue of 100% personal responsibility in a situation I didn’t like being in. It’s a simple one but illustrates this perfectly.
A few weeks ago, the music at the end of a yoga class was louder than I liked.
As a HSP and someone with misophonia, it’s very uncomfortable for me to be around loud noises (unless I’m the one choosing to blast the music in the car for a sing-a-long).
The first step in taking 100% personal responsibility is to acknowledge the plethora of choices on how to handle this circumstance that I didn’t like.
Here are my choices and how they stack up with personal responsibility:
Choice 1: Quietly be pissed off and passive aggressively shoot the teacher mean looks but never say or do anything else.
I’m not taking responsibility for anything, not my feelings, my thoughts, or my actions. I’m just seething, and this does nothing besides build up unnecessary frustration inside.
My initial reaction was to do this. After all, the discomfort of the music was painful!
Choice 2: “Call her out” after class for being so inconsiderate of people with sensitive ears.
“Calling her out” is a way of projecting my anger and discomfort on her because I don’t want to deal with the internal discomfort. I’m asking both her and the circumstances to be different in order for me to be okay.
This is NOT taking personal responsibility, though a lot of people incorrectly think this is.
The shy girl in me doesn’t do this, though I often fantasize about it or simply do it inside my head.
Choice 3: Talk to her after class and ask if she could play the final song a little quieter.
This can be taking 100% personal responsibility but ONLY IF (1) it’s done respectfully and (2) I’m okay with her saying NO to my request.
Making a request isn’t about getting what we want; it’s about respectfully asking for what we’d prefer. If she were to follow up with a NO, I then would be called upon to take personal responsibility for my reaction to her NO.
I considered this option but decided to make another choice.
Choice 4: Bring earplugs to class.
This is taking 100% personal responsibility, as long as I’m not a drama queen (in my mind or out loud) when using them.
The following week, I brought earplugs to her class and used them during savasana. (I carry earplugs everywhere.)
Choice 5: Go to a different class with a different teacher.
This is taking 100% personal responsibility, as long as I’m not making a stink about having to change my class time because this teacher’s music is too loud or making drama about it (in my mind or out loud).
I liked the teacher’s style and the class time was ideal, so I decided against this option.
Choice 6: Knowing that the volume isn’t actually damaging my ears—it’s simply uncomfortable—continue to go to class and learn to make peace with the discomfort and use it as a personal growth opportunity.
This is also taking 100% personal responsibility, and it’s the most powerful of all of these choices but the most difficult follow through on.
After using earplugs the following week, I select this option the week after. It’s exhausting being run by my misophonia and hypersensitivity, and I’ve been doing a lot of work recently to let some of this pain go.
I recently decided to apply the ABCs to my misophonia, and it seems to be slowly helping. (Score!)
And really, I can’t expect the whole world to know about or accommodate my every quirky need. On my quest for taking greater and greater personal responsibility in my own life, this is a relatively easy one to start with.
Make sense so far?
Great.
Okay, now what you really want to know is…
How to guarantee an ROI from every investment
(Just checking: Did you skip that last section with the examples to get here? Go back and read it all. It’s crucial that you understand this idea of 100% personal responsibility to be able to guarantee your ROI.)
So what the heck does the loud-music yoga class have to do with making an ROI from every business investment?
EVERYTHING.
When you fully, truly, 100% OWN your thoughts, emotions, reactions, and actions in every situation, you put all the power you can possibly have into your own hands.
Let’s illustrate this by looking at all the ways people don’t take personal responsibility with their business investments:
- Thinking that investing in a course or coach or product or whatever will be a silver bullet, no work required, just magical results.
- Being challenged or pushed by their coach or the course assignments in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Then because they don’t like that discomfort, they “call the coach out” or “offer a critique” instead of dealing with the discomfort and opening up to the growth that could come from it.
- Not fully showing up for the investment, whether that’s working through the modules, reading the materials, doing the homework, showing up for coaching calls, participating with the online group, or whatever is involved in the investment.
- Not willing to sit with the discomfort of a challenging exercise, being pushed by a coach, or not having things go exactly the way they think they should.
- Not asking questions or for help when they get stuck.
- Hiding, disengaging, or disconnecting when things are hard.
You get the idea. We’ve all seen people do all of these things. And if we’re being 100% responsible right now, we must admit that we’ve all done these things ourselves—myself most definitely included!
Now, as I said earlier, when you flip these things completely and take 100% responsibility, you put all the power you can possibly have into your own hands.
And when you put the power into your own hands, magic happens.
You have mental and emotional space to make a clear, level-headed decision.
You have the ability to choose the option that supports your growth, not stifles it.
You can see ALL the opportunities that could come from this situation, sort of like how I used the discomfort of the music to slowly work on desensitizing myself to sound.
You can even use a “bad investment” to show you how to better run your own business.
You can use it to help you face the wild discomfort of growth.
You can see the various layers of what can be learned from EVERYTHING about the investment and get more out of it than you ever imagined possible.
You can remind yourself to take responsibility and get what you came for.
Because EVERY moment, every opportunity, every failure, is one you can learn and grow from. ALWAYS.
It might not be instant money in the bank, but you better believe it’s a return on your investment—and a big one if you take advantage of every single opportunity offered to you (because they’re nearly infinite in number!).
I mean, think about all of the things you’ve done that didn’t work out over the course of your life and how much you learned from those things!
When you take 100% personal responsibility, you can’t not get an ROI—period.
So if you ever hear anyone say “that program / coach / course / product gave me no ROI,” there’s only one thing you can be sure of:
That person didn’t take 100% personal responsibility for their investment.
And that says so much more about them than the actual investment itself.
Now the good news is:
Since you’ve read this far (go, you!), you’re among the few who are ready to go to this next level in business and in life, taking 100% personal responsibility for everything you have control over.
When you do, you’re guaranteed an ROI from everything you invest in. Because you can’t not get one when you show up this way.
And I think that’s a pretty darn good way to do life and business.
Now, I’m dying to know:
- What’s one area of business and life where you are taking personal responsibility, and how are you approaching it?
- What’s one area where you’re not, and how do you want to shift it?
- What questions do you have about personal responsibility and how to apply it in tricky situations?
Leave a comment here, and let’s talk it out.
I can’t wait to hear from you!
I just wrote in my journal after my yoga practice this morning which might’ve looked from the outside world like a nap and while it was early and that maybe part true…the other part I just tried to consciously relax parts of my body that seemed to always be tense (that’s always a work in progress)—asked myself, “where do my many thoughts come from?” This doesn’t have a clear cut answer but at least I am asking it and with persistence and faith the answer may reveal itself. I think it has a lot to do with learning to be comfortable in the unfamiliar and in terms of this blog post, what thoughts are distracting me from showing up and getting the most from what I can control and utilize…?
Thank you for sharing your current thought process, Danielle. Which, funny enough, is about thinking! (I love seeing the irony of our minds!)
Although I won’t say I’m an expert on the matter, I seem to hear many great teachers speak of how thoughts are just made in the mind, as that is the mind’s job. Each of our body parts have a function, and this mind of ours generates thoughts. The thoughts come from the mind and often are based on our history, so our thoughts are unique to us. But still, I understand the thoughts themselves are just “garbage” – random stuff spewed out because that’s what minds do.
No idea if that resonates, but it’s how I’ve been thinking about it.
After being a hairstylist for 2 decades and in business for myself for the majority of my adult life. I am taking on a calling where I am afraid (because I am introvert) of ‘putting myself out there’ online something that I am not used to or feel extremely excited about. I am taking personal responsibility to shift my perspective and taking baby steps to fulfill and answer my calling to serve the people that need to hear from me.
The shift that I need to make is being a little fearful of going live and being on camera. The shift I’m working on making is to come up with some creative ways to express myself that may be different from other peoples lives but will make me most comfortable to deliver the content that I am working on sharing with the Hairstyling Industry.
3 questions that I have about personal responsibility and how to apply it in tricky situations?
1. In such a crowded space “the internet” what are some creative ways to ‘not follow’ the crowd when you want to get yourself out there and staying focused on ME without the compare affair
2. I’ve always achieved most things that I want and desired in the business including my dream from a little girl in owning my own salon. I am starting a brand new shift at 50 to create something totally different which comes from a dream and goal to have a thriving and successful online business teaching something that I love. What shifts can I make in achieving this goal with it being new and a little more challenging for me based on my online experience?
3. I am a multifaceted entrepreneur: hairstylist, style coach, and accessory designer. It was challenging for me to let some of these go to begin to pursue my new coaching business. I had to be personally responsible for realizing that sometimes you need to just focus on one thing. Is this the best way to look at this shift?
Thanks always for the amazing content and sharing from your heart.
Wow, Sharron, what great questions you pose! Thank you!
You asked…
“1. In such a crowded space “the internet” what are some creative ways to ‘not follow’ the crowd when you want to get yourself out there and staying focused on ME without the compare affair.”
It’s less about finding creative ways and more about honoring yourself. For example, right now, “everyone needs to be on Instagram,” or so people say. Yet everything in my being—today, anyway—isn’t interested in playing. So I’m not following the crowd by listening to my inner self. And to be clear, this is me owning that here is some “I don’t like social media” internal BS happening AND ALSO that right not it’s also not for me.
When you can tune into what’s right for YOU, you’ll know when to do what others do and when to beat to your own drummer.
“2. What shifts can I make in achieving this goal with it being new and a little more challenging for me based on my online experience?”
The very first thing you can do is drop the story that “this will be more challenging” in any ways that it’s slowing you down or making it harder for you to do the work. Often we “set ourselves up” for things to be hard—and then so they are! So just notice if this story is serving your or hindering you, and respond accordingly.
Then, just start showing up to learn, knowing you’re smart, capable, driven, and have everything you need to learn and grow.
“3. I am a multifaceted entrepreneur: hairstylist, style coach, and accessory designer. It was challenging for me to let some of these go to begin to pursue my new coaching business. I had to be personally responsible for realizing that sometimes you need to just focus on one thing. Is this the best way to look at this shift?”
Ask yourself if that’s true. Is it sure that you have to focus on one thing? Maybe, maybe not.
Ask yourself what serves you most in this moment, and follow that.
Always look for the stories that are hindering you and find ones that support the future you wish to create.
I hope this helps!
Hi Jenny
I might be a little bit outlandish over here, both because I am a man (and it seems that you’re aimed at helping women) and because what I will share is not about business but about life. Nevertheless, I am on a quite life-changing journey which started approx. 15 months ago.
And the main theme of those 15 months?
Discovery of who I am, acceptance of who I am and taking responsibility for who I am.
Let me give you a little background on how I found you and why I am here, even if I am most probably not exactly your ideal client. At the same time I will tell a little about myself. Or maybe a lot. We’ll have to see…
I’ll start with admitting that 21 months ago, 2 months after breakup with my ex-girlfriend, I have been at the verge of suicide, actually just a couple of minutes from my death. It took supernatural intervention which stopped me. Now I am glad it did.
The following months were in no means bright and sunny, in spite of it being actually summer. But nevertheless I tried to pull myself together. I had ups and downs. Until, in October 2017, I started to think about suicide again. This time it got me thinking. And I decided to get help. I’ve got psychotherapy, pills for depression. It kept me in lifeless ‘whatever’ state. At the end of November I have been just a emotionally dead automatron – doing things because they had to be done, but no life at all.
To put it in perspective, I have been always all action, doing things at whim. Organizing everything, helping people, leading from the front.
The state before breakup and at that time was like brightest noon and a starless night.
And roughly 15 months ago, at the end of November 2017 one day I decided to take my life back.
I started looking for ‘motivational’ videos, I read a lot of books, I downloaded all I could and I massaged my brain with messages of hope, positivity and possibilities. One day, not long after that, I quit the pills cold turkey.
When I started to ‘take my life back’ it was more like: ‘i will change, pay of debts, get rich, famous and you will be sorry that you left me’ think.
I suppose that for the start it might have been good motivation but it wasn’t sustainable.
It came to the point, where I knew that there is something more to my situation than I have been willing to admit.
I started to live again, but I’ve got lots of episodes when for some time I could not do anything and I sunk down in a cloud of depression. Other times I have been so fired up so eager and restless, bursting with ideas of all I could do. I had ups and downs and after a year I realized that while I moved a bit, it was like 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.
I moved, but painfully and with a lot of backtracking.
A year on from my start, in November last year, the depression came back. Severe depression. I went to doctors. This time I have been determined not to get just a patch for sore spot, but find out what is going on.
It turns out, that I have bipolar disorder. Manic depression.
You see, until that breakup, all my life I lived in a manic state – it lead to broken relationships, hypersexuality, irresponsible behaviour (including money problems – deep debt hole). Like – I totally get why she left me…
During first year I tried to get all info I could on becoming a millionaire, best of all overnight. The number of free seminars I saw and all the things and ideas I could do, it was insane. But whatever I came onto just didn’t feel right. I even tried to start few things, half-heartedly. I gave them up even before going public. Not because I was afraid or something like that. I know what I have done in past. I know I can pull off ANYTHING I put my mind to. But the problem was that I could not put my mind to anything anymore. My heart is still broken. Yes, it’s healing. But I still can’t commit it into nothing. Not fully.
And all of those, mostly male and few female coaches were about pushing, creating hype… it just doesn’t feel right. It’s not me.
And than, one day I saw somewhere something about Marie Forleo and her B-school. I checked her out. I’ve got hooked on her TV. I must admit that I really seriously considered to enroll on to B-school on monthly payment even being broke. That’s how I found about you.
This time I didn’t just jump on something, spending money I didn’t had. I did research. I looked for reviews. And someone somewhere recommended you as the best ever option. They praised you, how much value you add.
I didn’t sign for B-shool. I (probably for the first time in my life – I am nearly 50!) took responsibility for my actions and decided, that creating things step by step is going to be much more valuable. I don’t want to be millionaire and famous overnight anymore, and not to impress my ex at all. I am going to work on those 3 most important things in my life – getting to know myself better and better, accepting myself with all my perfect imperfections and respond to everything with concise action.
Because, as you say, I cannot control the conditions (both outside and inside). But I responsible to take control of my reactions.
PS: I said how I found you, but I didn’t actually say, why I am here. It’s simple. Because you Jenny, and Marie too; you are authentic, caring. You don’t push. You don’t create artificial hype. You are the exact archetype of a business owner I myself love to be.
Thank you.
Lubo, no, I’m not Jenny or affiliated with her (just one of her readers like you) but I loved that you shared that. This post reminded me a lot of a speaker I’ve been listening to lately, Dr Joe Dispenza. You can hear his talks on YouTube and read his books (Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself, Evolve Your Brain, Becoming Supernatural, etc) but I’d start with this one… https://youtu.be/xwizhm-iovQ along with one titled, Create Your Day, Evolve Your Brain. Along with Jenny has helped me shift out of negative emotions that keep me stuck to the past. I agree, Jenny is one that I want to keep reading from because she comes off as authentic and doesn’t try to nickel and dime you. Hope this helps!! I’m going to share that my dad was diagnosed bipolar over a decade ago and for awhile took so many pills yet it just seemed to make him addicted to pills rather than be of help in the situation. Sometime 2001/2002 he stopped cold turkey because he didn’t want to be known for taking them or addicted. He loves to walk now, that’s an understatement but is now writing his own book (himself; without pills). Take a listen to those talks I linked.. I think they may help with consistent practice like Jenny states, taking responsibility for yourself, 100%. This post was great!
What a powerful story, Lubos! And all genders are welcome here, even if it’s mostly women.
I appreciate you taking the time to post and share your story. It is one of the most self-empowered stories of personal responsibility I’ve ever heard, and it’s incredible.
Thank you for your kind words about why you’re here and what resonates. That means the world to me and am so grateful that my intentions come through clearly in what I create and post.
Thank you again for being here and sharing your story!
Thank you, Danielle, for bringing your big heart to these comments, seeing others in our community, and offering ideas and resources and encouragement on our journeys. So glad to have you here! <3