My Three-Year Hiatus from Working: Why I Was Forced to Step Away from My Business and How I’m Finding My Way Back

I never imagined that after spending more than 10 years growing a business, hiring employees, training a team of coaches, creating multiple products and services, and serving large groups of clients in a signature program, I’d be forced to shut it all down.

But that’s what happened in 2021. My health took a steep decline, and I no longer had the capacity to maintain the incredible business I created (let alone get through the day without a nap; more on this in a moment).

Thankfully, the story seems to be headed toward a happier ending. I’m writing this in late 2024 as I’m slowly returning to work after a three-year hiatus. Things definitely aren’t “back to business as usual,” but as with all things in life, I know nothing remains the same forever.

Below I’m sharing what happened in the last three years, the steps I’ve taken to navigate my way back to work, and my vision of where I’m headed next.

Why I Had to Stop Working

In 2009, I quit my corporate engineering career to work for myself, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m fortunate that my business grew far beyond a hobby; it became a support-my-household-as-the-sole-breadwinner kind of business, and I’ve always been grateful for that.

But after a long period of things going well, something almost unimaginable happened.

In early 2020, business was humming along. I loved my team (me + three employees + a crew of coaches + a handful of contractors). And I was expecting a baby.

That spring, early in the pandemic, my son was born, happy and healthy. As planned, the team ran the business while I took a five-month maternity leave.

I returned to work in the fall of 2020, and everything was going along just as we had hoped …

Until, inexplicably, it wasn’t.

Less than a year after returning to work, I became literally unable to do my job.

I was overcome by a deep exhaustion that wasn’t remedied with 2-hour daily naps and 10+ hours in bed each night. My brain was so foggy that I couldn’t think critically, make strategic plans, or learn new businessy things.

It was confusing, exhausting, and overwhelming. I had no idea what was happening or why.

The most logical guess was burnout from being an older, new mom in a pandemic without any support, managing a sizable business, and dealing with pre-pregnancy health issues.

As I later learned, I was very wrong.

(It was nearly two years into my leave before I discovered the real reason I couldn’t work. It was far from a case of burnout. The specifics are still unraveling and aren’t at a share-worthy place right now; maybe someday.)

Given that I couldn’t do the work required to sustain my business, I had only one option: pause my business, lay off my team, and figure out what was going on.

And that pause took three years longer than I expected.

The good news is that with the right diagnosis comes the right course of treatment. In August 2024, I found myself with some capacity to work again, and that was a huge relief.

My next step? Figuring out how to return to working without regressing in symptoms.

Unfortunately, “getting back to it” was far more complicated than I imagined it would be.

First, I Had to Face My Fears

I knew that I wanted to start my return to work by simply emailing my list. I wanted to share what happened in the last three years, why I had to step away from work, and take readers along for the journey as I restarted my business.

But before I could even write (let alone send) a single email, I had to contend with an onslaught of fears—many of which I thought I’d dealt with years ago when I first started my business.

On top of that, I felt massive overwhelm about technology, logistics, and finances.

It was like I was back in 2009 again, starting my business for the first time with no website and no clue … but a heart full of hope.

After 15 years of being fruitfully self-employed, I was surprised to watch the fears, technology overwhelm, and financial concerns return with a vengeance. Hadn’t I dealt with these already?

I started questioning if what I had to say even mattered anymore. After more than three years away, would anyone want to listen? Did I have something valuable to offer? And if so, what was it?

Even more challenging, I was frozen at the thought of updating my business systems. My backend was set up for a business running a million in revenue, but because of my inability to work these last three years, I never had the energy or mental capacity to downsize any of it.

And then there’s the websites (yes, plural) …

Custom built, expensive to maintain, and perfect for the business I had been running. But now, not so much. All in need of a massive tech overhaul—plus a new design and new photos (a pandemic + four years of motherhood + some massive health issues have aged me a bit).

But without knowing where I was heading with my business, I had no idea what I’d do for the overhaul if I even had the capacity to do it (which I didn’t and still don’t).

And of course, there are the financial fears. I’ve learned a lot about how to manage them since I started working for myself. But as the sole breadwinner, I eventually need to get back to a household-supporting income after operating at a sizable loss for more than three years.

So yeah, as I was inching closer to writing that first “I’m back” email, I was feeling terror, overwhelm, and confusion.

In an earlier incarnation of my business, I had a few drops of extra energy to plow ahead when I had a problem to solve. But since my body put up its big protest in 2021, it simply won’t permit any oppressive tactics.

That said, even though I’m taking a gentler approach to life and work, I haven’t yet found my new formula for meeting my physical and mental health needs while also bringing in the necessary income.

All I can do is trust that I’ll get there, take one small step at a time, and move forward in partnership with my body.

Which brings me to how it’s been unfolding so far.

It Took 5 Months to Send One Email

In March 2024, I had a spark of energy and inspiration—both of which had been absent for nearly three years.

Over the course of two weeks, I sketched out some emails to my list. When I was done, I felt excited to finalize and send the first one, declaring I’m officially working again.

Except my body gave me a clear NO.

With all that’s gone sideways these last several years, I won’t bypass a NO. I was confused and a bit annoyed, but I trusted.

A week later, the reasoning was clear: Things took a nosedive for about six weeks, and I wouldn’t’ve had capacity to respond to folks and engage like I wanted to after the first email went out.

But once I stabilized, I still didn’t get an all-clear signal for sending. I continued to focus on my physical and mental health and the daily tasks of being a human and a mom to a 4-year-old.

Fast forward to late July. Still no signal to start emailing. I remained trusting and curious.

And then one day, it clicked.

“Ohhhhhh,” I thought to myself as the light bulb came on. “I can send one email at a time and take one action at a time. Just because I start doesn’t mean I need to follow a preset schedule like I used to.”

Game changer.

I’d been unknowingly assuming that once I hit the restart button, I had to hum along at my consistent, pre-leave pace.

As a seasoned business owner, I’m versed in many business and marketing best practices. In a lot of ways, this is beneficial. But in others, it’s a hindrance.

Thank goodness I remembered that I’m restarting my business on my terms.

That’s when I got a green light to start emailing my list.

I Finally Hit Send

It was exciting to get a yes to emailing my list, but that’s all I had a yes to. No clients, no revenue-generation. Just emails.

So in August 2024, I began cautiously-optimistically-nervously sending emails, reintroducing myself to subscribers, and dipping my toes back into work again.

My first email explained why I hadn’t emailed for more than three years and what happened during that time. I offered an reintroduction to who I am, how subscribers likely found me, and what I had been writing about before my disappearance.

I also included a very prominent UNSUBSCRIBE button right near the top and offered folks a chance to unsubscribe at multiple points in the email.

It felt really good to send the email, but I had no idea what kind of response to expect from it.

Would lots of folks mark me as spam? Would I get large numbers of unsubscribes? Would I read scathing replies in my inbox? Would MailerLite shut down my account?

I took a deep breath, hit send, and waited.

The Surprising Response to My First Email

What happened after I sent that first email shocked me: I received hundreds of personal replies from subscribers.

The emails were full of kindness, curiosity, encouragement, and enthusiasm for my return. Readers shared stories of what they’ve learned from me over the years and how it’s supported them and their businesses.

What was even more surprising was that of all of the emails I received, every single message was supportive and kind. Every single one.

Here’s a snippet of the heartfelt messages I received that week. It was an inbox full of love.

I had no idea how much I needed that. Because in the back of my mind lingered the thought, “No one cares that you’ve been gone, and no one cares that you’re back.” (That’s certainly true for some people.)

But for a shocking number of folks, that wasn’t the case.

Having not maintained a connection with readers, I forgot how much I enjoy showing up to serve. But they reminded me how much I used to be filled up by work and how I’d undoubtedly feel the same again, as I find my way back to work.

I let folks know that I was taking my return super slowly, one email at a time. I didn’t promise that I’d send emails on a set schedule. Just that I intended to keep writing and hoped to find a way to do it sustainably.

I eventually replied to every single personal message I received, soaking in the encouragement, kindness, and reminders of how I served folks in the past.

I felt bolstered to keep going and began to share more of my journey.

That’s what I did next.

How I Proceeded, One Micro Step at a Time

Over the course of two months, I sent six emails sharing the journey from having to quit working to slowly finding my way back. I shared some of the challenges I faced and the folks who helped me heal and get back to work.

But the whole story didn’t come out all at once, just like I’m not restarting my business all at once. I’m taking things in a micro step by step fashion.

Here’s what it’s looked like in action so far:

• I knew I wanted to start my reemergence by sharing why I disappeared for so long. I outlined a series of emails.
• I waited for more than 5 months after outlining email ideas before I got an inner yes to finalizing and sending the first one.
• I sent the first email, and slowly, over the course of 2 weeks, replied to the hundreds of folks who wrote back.
• Then, I took a break. An inner exhale to make sure I had the capacity to write, send, and reply to another email.
• I waited for inspiration to write my second email, then I wrote it. I waited for the inner yes to send it, then I sent it and replied to each person who wrote back.
• Then I took a breather.
• I got the idea for and wrote my third email, waited for the inner yes to send it, sent it, replied to each person who wrote back, then I took a breather.

This was when I could start to feel that writing weekly might be sustainable again. My body was adjusting to the rhythm and trusting that it could pause at any time if my capacity changed.

• I took the same approach for the fourth email …
• Then the fifth email …

Finally, there was momentum. There was a flow. (Having my son back in preschool at this point helped, too.)

• Then the sixth email …

The thing about this approach is, it’s been slowwwwww. I started drafting that first email back in early March, and it wasn’t until mid-September that I sent my sixth email.

But by this point, it felt maintainable. I felt like I could keep going without needing a big break. (Though I’ll take one if I need to.)

I felt like I could keep going AND add more to my work plate. This was almost unbelievable (and quite relieving).

Where I’m Going from Here

I did not—and still do not—have a grand plan for my business. I don’t know how I’ll get back to a household-supporting income … while also supporting my physical and mental health and being a hands-on mom to my 4-year-old.

I’m clear on some things, like I don’t have the capacity for a big team and don’t want to recreate the programs and business structure I had before I stopped working.

I’m clear that I need a flexible schedule to care for my health and be very present for my son.

But exactly how it all looks and how I’ll make the income I need to earn … I have no idea.

What I know is this:

I created success on my terms before (based on my terms back then), and I’m committed to creating success on my terms again, based on my new terms.

I plan to get there by taking things slowly, experimenting, and learning along the way. In fact, it seems like the only possible way forward, and I’m curious to see where it takes me.