Last week I shared a story of how quickly I doubted myself when another coach got frustrated that I didn’t like her solutions to a problem I was trying to solve.
That story is one example of a much larger (and unfortunate) pattern I’ve recently noticed, and I’m diving into the specifics today.
My time away from work—and now my return—has shown me how many ideas I’d absorbed about what a business should look like, what work I should be doing, and how I should operate in order to be effective and successful.
Not that these ideas were inherently wrong. The problem was that over my years of self-employment, I often mistook good ideas for universally applicable advice, leading myself and my business astray.
As one tiny example, consider the idea of “eat the frog.” If you haven’t heard this before, it means doing your most difficult or important task first in the day to overcome procrastination and build momentum.
Throughout my professional life, I’ve done the opposite. Whenever I sat down to work, I would tackle my inbox and small tasks first.
Oh, how I berated myself for this! What a bad, inefficient business owner I was!
As it turns out, just this past June, I finally realized I can’t eat the frog. I’m simply not wired that way.
Starting my day with email and small tasks helps bring my brain online and allows my nervous system to settle so I can actually do more demanding work. When my inbox is full and a list of unfinished tasks is looming, I can’t focus on complex or creative work. Taking care of smaller, easier things first creates the conditions I need to do more demanding work well.
I spent two and a half decades trying—unsuccessfully—to fix a pattern that had actually been setting me up for success all along.
Since then, I noticed the other places in my life where patterns like this were (or weren’t) supporting me.
I need certain parts of my life to feel tended to before I can fully turn toward work: groceries in the fridge, meals planned for later, pressing personal tasks completed. Once those things are addressed, my brain is much more available.
I also realized that I need a lot of what I call “alone-alone time”—not me simply behind a closed door, but no one else in the house.
Before my son was born, I had plenty of it. At the time, I thought I simply had a spacious life. I had no idea how much the spaciousness itself supported my well-being and fueled my ability to work. I only understood what it had been doing for me after a long time of not having it.
Now, as I return to work, I intentionally plan around the household schedule so I can get the alone-alone-time I need to recharge and ensure I have capacity to work.
I now know that these things I thought were quirks or bad habits were actually part of an invisible system that allowed me to do good work.
This has expanded how I think about success on your terms.
I’ve always said that success on your terms was success as you define it, on the terms you set for yourself. I still believe this.
Now I realize that the terms aren’t limited to things like how many hours we work or how much flexibility we want in our schedule.
They also include the conditions under which we’re able to create that success: how, when, and where we work and what needs to be true in the rest of our lives so we can do our best work. Plus the conditions inside our business, like how much responsibility we can handle, the pace we work, the actual work itself, and what the business requires from us day in and day out.
The more we understand what we need and are able to factor that into our businesses and our lives, the more we’re able to create success on our terms.
Because a truly successful business isn’t one that simply makes a profit and serves customers well. It’s one that also works for the person running it—and the rest of their life, too.
Which has me wondering …
Is your business still working for you and your life? What has changed? Or what needs to change?
I’d love to know if and how you relate to this. Fill me in, and I’ll personally respond.
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