As a business owner, you’re bound to get a little negative feedback from time to time. I’ve worked with a lot of people since I started my first business back in 2009 (which I completely eff’d up, btw), and even now I still get the occasional unhappy individual. After all, businesses just can’t please every single person every single time.
If you’re anything like me, getting criticized about your work can really send you off the deep end. You might start off a little upset, but that can quickly escalate to feeling pissed off, distraught, or like you might not be up to the challenge of having your own business at all. I promise you that every entrepreneur – or at least those who really care about their business and their customers – has been in the exact same position and felt the exact same way.
What successful women know is that all feedback is useful – even the worst reviews. In fact, I have an amazing strategy for turning any negativity you may feel in the wake of a bad review into something truly positive for yourself and your business.
A warning up front: these tools aren’t for the faint of heart. But they will help you become a more confident business owner, improve your business practices, and do right by your customers. Like anything worth doing, it might seem hard at first — but it will pay off big time in the end.
Are you ready to move through this thing like the conscientious business owner I know you to be? Great! Let’s get started…
A Foolproof Strategy for Getting the Most Out of Negative Feedback
My strategy for getting over negative feedback has five basic steps.
The secret to gracefully handling this unfortunate situation is following these steps in order.
1. Accept that it’s happened and may happen again.
The first step to take when you get a bad critique is to accept that it has happened, it will probably happen again as you continue to pursue your business, and it’s okay.
Honestly, there’s simply no point dwelling on the fact that you’ve received an unpleasant email or less-than-stellar feedback from a client or customer. The more you put yourself and your business out into the world (and you absolutely should be doing that!), the more likely it is you’ll come across an unhappy camper or two.
Owning your own business isn’t easy, and facing criticism from a client is one of the toughest things you’ll have to do. It can shake even the most confident and seasoned professional, so you’re not alone.
2. Feel what you need to feel, and don’t act (yet).
It’s vital at this stage, while you have emotions swirling inside, that you not take immediate action. Instead, take a breath. Allow the inevitable feelings of frustration, anger, or anything else to come up and flow through you. Be pissed. Be hurt. Be annoyed. Break a pencil. Sob on your bathroom floor.
Give yourself the time and space to experience your emotions; don’t force yourself to just “get over it.” But don’t get carried away, either — I would say that a day or two is probably enough wallowing.
And whatever you do, please, for the love of your business and all things holy, do not respond to the person during this time. Because let’s be honest: Nothing good has ever come from you spewing your emotions all over someone else, and this circumstance is no exception. Tweet that!
3. Think things through.
Now it’s time to get rational. Reflect carefully on the feedback and your own performance, and do some soul-searching.
I mean really get into the nitty-gritty of what was said, and try to understand where the client is coming from. This part might be painful, but it’s so important. Doing this will allow you to separate the nuggets of truth from the bullshit.
If you get really honest with yourself, I promise you’ll be able to identify some constructive little tidbits hiding in that terrible review. (Okay, within most terrible reviews. Every once in a while, we get one of pure ick where someone just needed to vent their shit on us.)
Maybe what you delivered didn’t fully match with your sales page? Maybe the grumble about your client management and organization was spot-on? Maybe her whole complaint boils down to poor communication on your part about one specific, tiny thing, and you sort of knew you should have addressed it earlier, but you also thought at the time that it wasn’t that big of a deal so why bother.
The point, my friend, is that there is always a reason people complain, and that reason is always valid to them. Whatever it is they are unhappy about is important in their world and affects how they make their purchasing decisions — or else they wouldn’t take the time to complain.
Understanding what makes your customers tick can only benefit you in the long run. Tweet that!
Embrace this opportunity, as crappy as it seems, to get real with yourself and your business practices.
Oh, and the bullshit? Disregard it completely.
4. Decide how this new knowledge can improve your business.
Once you have your little pearl(s) of wisdom, you can decide to act on it … or not. It’s entirely up to you.
Your takeaway from this process might be as game changing as a new workflow strategy or as simple as a sticky note on your monitor reminding you to smile when you speak on the phone with a client. Whatever it is, it will improve your business in some way. Even if it only means you’ll never hear the same complaint again.
5. Lastly, the philosophical question: To respond or not to respond?
This is up to you. My own past decisions to respond or not respond have depended entirely on the circumstance, the client, and the feedback.
If it’s a particularly rude or offensive comment, then there’s probably nothing to gain from responding.
On the other hand, if you’ve received a thoughtfully composed bit of feedback from an important or highly respected client, I believe it warrants a thoughtful, appreciative response.
The vast spectrum between these two poles is where you should exercise judgement. I promise that if you’ve followed the above steps, whatever you come up with will be grounded in reason and not emotion, and that’s more than half the battle.
The long and short of it is, negative feedback is an inevitable part of running a business, and it sucks. But it doesn’t have to end there. Just like other failures you encounter, you can learn from it, better your business, respond constructively, and move on with your life!
I’d Love To Hear From You
Now that you have my strategy for dealing with negative feedback, I’d love to hear about how you think you can use it for your business.
Are there any additional steps you think I may have left out?
Do you agree that all feedback can be valuable in some way?
What kind of lessons have you learned from past criticism?
Feel free to share your war stories as well — I’m all for catharsis!
I look forward to reading what you have for us in the comments below!
Love this Jenny!
Sometimes there’s a nugget of truth in negative feedback, sometimes it’s just someone who wants to be heard and acknowledged… but in either case, for the love of all things cute and fluffy DO NOT reply immediately… very very true!
Cool off, get some perspective, process what’s REALLY being said, deal with it and continue to spiral upwards.
Great post! Amy xxx
Well put, Amy. Sometimes people do just want to be heard. And agreed, perspective is essential when the comments sting! Great to have you here!
I heard that negative feedback and folks asking for refunds are badges of honor that you’ve made it in your business 🙂 however can it be really as bad as to not respond? Wouldn’t we want to make it right for them? Or have you had situations where it’s pointless to even try?
I’ve heard that, too. I personally don’t think of them as badges (just my thinking), but I do think of them as milestones. It’s one we all must deal with on our path to building a successful business.
The decision to or not to respond depends entirely on the context of how the feedback was given. If it was a random comment among many in a feedback form for a digital product, maybe not necessary. If it was a email reply from a private client, absolutely. I bucket refund requests separately — that’s more customer service than feedback, so of course you can’t just ignore those.
Great post! I learned this lesson in my first business…which was in the hospitality industry, where there are SO MANY things that can go wrong! And even when things weren’t our fault, there was always someone who demanded a full refund on their seven night stay because “the waves were too loud in the sea” and they couldn’t sleep well at night!
That business was a crash course in customer service and dealing with complaints. To me, it was all about reading the complaint, feeling what I needed to feel, and then not taking action immediately…just as you suggest. And then trying really hard to not take it personally. That was the hard thing…in the beginning, I took everything personally even when I wasn’t the one who made the mistake. Complaints used to really hurt.
Today, I’ve had so much experience in dealing with reasonable and unreasonable complaints, that I feel really confident in responding to any that might come my way. I’ve found that apologizing profusely, even when it’s really not necessary, can go a long way in dousing the flames of a complainer’s anger.
Again…great post!
Love your experience and perspective on this. Your comment about the 7 night refund because the ocean was too loud cracked me up! And it’s so true that we get the gamut of reasonable and completely unreasonable complaints.
Thanks for sharing here!
I have found that the worse it stings, the more we believe that what they said is #1 true and #2 bad.
If someone were to say to me, “I hate your blue hair!” it wouldn’t phase me in the least because #1 I don’t have blue hair and #2 I don’t think having blue hair is a bad thing.
So when I find myself faced with negative feedback I ask myself if what they said is true and do I think it’s bad? That’s helps me own my reaction and from there I can decide how I want to handle it.
Several years ago I was looking at my Amazon page and noticed that my book had another review. Then I saw that it was a one-star review. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. I scrolled down and read it. Within the space of several seconds my thoughts/emotions went from:
Crushed and embarrassed. I KNEW IT! I AM A TOTAL FAILURE!
to
Angry and defensive! BITCH! Why doesn’t SHE write a book and put herself out there and see how it feels!
to
Defensive and contrite? FINE! I’ll refund her money if she hates it that much.
to
Realistic. Well, not everyone is going to like my book…and that’s okay. In fact, she makes some good points.
And then I was okay.
Now, if this had happened MANY years ago, my first reaction would have been to call my husband, my sister, my best friend, and cry and vent and worry. I would have wanted them to rebut this review, to come to my defense and flame the one-star reviewer. I would have felt the need to explain and defend.
In fact, I didn’t tell anyone about it for a very long while, and when I finally did, it was to illustrate my growth, not to seek out approval. Yay me. And thank you so very much, One-Star Reviewer. Sincerely.
So funny about the blue hair because I use that same example with clients — I just talk about blond hair (cuz that’s what mine is!).
I love what you learned from your one star reviewer. That takes some self-awareness and a willingness to stick with it and find the truth for you. Bravo, Karen!
What a great post Jenny!
The waiting to let the emotions bubble up before you respond is HUGE.
I find that especially with those of us who are very empathic, it’s extra important to take that time vs just responding to “make it all better” when sometimes, no response is best.
One extra tip I would add for anyone struggling with negative feedback is:
“How would the biggest, most authentic, fabulous version of myself show up right now?”
Visualize yourself as the coach you aspire to be and then choose to act or not act from there.
And remember, everyone is in their own reality. Sometimes that has NOTHING to do with what they say about you and it’s just a matter of peeling away the B.S to get to the golden take-away. Thanks Jenny!
Love,
Diana
I love that idea, Diana – seeing how the biggest, most authentic, fabulous version of myself show up right now. Fabulous! A friend of mine often refers to her 90-year-old self and asks what she would do. Just like yours, it’s about finding the wisest part of us to guide us through the challenge.
Thanks for sharing that here!
Most feedback deserves a response of some kind. Exception ==> If comment included a bunch of nasty name-calling and/or vulgarity I’d delete ad forget it.
Otherwise some sort of response, yes. I try and converse on difficult topics with questions rather that statements, something like “If you think X then I wonder how you’d feel if Y happened” …
Sometimes those can be worded in such a way to make very few answers easy AND they tend to diffuse hotheads because it sounds like you are asking for their opinion.
Yes on totally nasty emails — they can just be deleted. If someone can’t talk professionally and humanely (and prefer to act like a child), then they certainly don’t deserve a response or too much worry. Agreed!
I totally fall into the “I’m so awful, I can’t do this, I’m just terrible and no one should pay me” then spend the next afternoon wondering if I should just pack it all in completely, then slowly, painfully, picking through what I could learn.
It really hurts because no matter what your business is, essentially it’s YOU and so it feels personal.
Thanks Jenny, really timely as well – I’ve had a pack it all in and move to the mountains afternoon!
It totally does hurt, Tara. Abso-freaking-lutely! Especially when we pour our hearts and minds into our businesses to then have someone come and rip it apart (or even just poke at it) — not fun at all. You’re not alone. We all deal with the shame of negative feedback… and then we’ve all got to pick up the pieces and figure out the next steps. You can work through the emotional challenges and find your way back to your truth (which I’m guessing is that you’re still meant to do this business). Keep moving forward. You can do this!
Boy, great insights that take great strength. Thanks for sharing.