When I was a new coach, I heard lots of things about the way building a business should be. Things like:
If you coach, they will come.
Do what you love and the money will follow.
If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it.
Although those who shared these rules with me had the best intentions, these statements had me living in happy-unicorn-hopeful-ville for a few years before reality hit.
And reality finally hit hard.
No money in the bank. Very few paying clients. No idea what to do next. You’ve probably heard me tell this story before.
Of course, if I hadn’t believed those ridiculous rules, I probably wouldn’t have quit my job to chase after my coaching dream. So in some respect, believing in unicorns and leprechauns was a good thing… for awhile.
It was after reality bashed me over the head that I learned these “shoulds” weren’t always true. Mostly, they were a load of crap.
Sure, it’s nice to simply coach and suddenly, magically have people show up and fill your coaching practice. And I’d love it if my life were only filled with things that were easy and felt good.
But if you’re interested in growing in any way, personally or professionally, it’s not always going to be easy, simple, and feel-good.
Think about a baby learning to walk. He falls over and over and over and over before he ever puts one foot in front of the other.
Or when you learned to ride your bike. I still remember the terror I felt while learning and the scrapes that covered both knees.
Or when you were 9 and your bones hurt because they were literally growing.
To get somewhere new, to do something new, we often have to experience discomfort before the new thing is comfortable.
Whether you’re learning to market your business online, trying to sell out your first retreat, or working on guest posts to build your list, it will probably be uncomfortable when you’re first starting. That’s NORMAL!
Even When Things Usually Come Easy for You
I was talking with a client earlier this month. She’s trying to do something new in her business, and she’s finding it challenging. Although it might just look like another class she’s trying to sell, on the inside, she’s raising the bar for herself on how she’s running this class. And it’s been difficult.
She told me how she’s used to things coming easily to her. That she hasn’t had to struggle much in her life, especially in her spiritually-based business.
She isn’t used to feeling this much discomfort, and she was thinking that something was wrong because she’s feeling so incredibly challenged.
This is where we had a breakthrough moment in her coaching session.
To bust through her current upper limit, she realized that she needs to be uncomfortable, push herself in ways she hasn’t before, and simultaneously know that it’s all okay.
I could hear her deep sigh when she realized this. The audible, “Oh, it’s okay that it’s uncomfortable. Nothing’s wrong,” was acknowledgment from the depths of her being that everything was okay even though it was hard.
Truthfully, this isn’t an easy thing for anyone to admit. I was impressed with her realization and her willingness to keep pushing forward. (Many people just give up.)
It’s this willingness that allowed her to refocus her efforts on marketing her latest class and doing what she needs to do to fill it… instead of wasting her time worrying that it should be easier.
We’ve Been Dealt a Load of Hogwash
Let’s face it, we’ve all been dealt a load of hogwash about online business.
Make money while you sleep!
Change the lives of millions and make millions!
All you need is a website and a dream!
Although most days this hogwash gives me hives, I’m also grateful for it. The optimism and the outlandish potential keeps me pushing myself to be better at what I do and to make a bigger impact with my work. (And make enough for a little vacation now and then.)
It’s the happy-unicorn-hopeful-ville that got me excited about what I could create. Along the way I realized I could create it. And now I am.
Do yourself a favor and see that although you can reach this exalted place you dream about, you’ll probably get bumps, bruises, and knee scraps getting there. And that’s normal!
Click to TweetGrowing isn’t always comfortable, but it’s so worth it!Do You Believe in Unicorns?
I’m curious about you!
Did you hear the happy-unicorn-hopeful-ville stories like I did? What stories were you told?
When did you realize that it takes hard work to run an online business?
Are you willing to get some scrapes and bumps and be uncomfortable along the journey? Or would you rather quit and take a safer, more comfortable route?
I look forward to reading your stories and experiences in the comments below!
This may sound incredibly pompous, and I’ll likely want to take back this comment later, BUT–I think I started a business because the outcome was uncertain, and there was a huge potential for me to fail.
Here’s the thing–I knew I’d graduate high school. There was no surprise or celebration when it happened. It was a given. Likewise, I knew I’d get into college and graduate, no problem. I even knew with enough time and effort I could climb a career ladder, make six figures, and live on easy street.
The only thing I’ve ever been uncertain about is whether or not I COULD hack it as a business owner myself. There were no sure outcomes when I took the leap, and there’s a DAILY potential for me to fail and get egg all over my face.
I’ve always been attracted to the business unicorn (6 figures, schedule on your own terms, all that), but I always knew that it would take unicorn-like circumstances to really “make it” too. And I’m okay with that 🙂
Fascinating, Leah!! I had no idea you went into business for the thrill of the risk. That says so much about you and I love it!!
Hi,
I loved your head line. I live in fear of being sold crap. I used to buy nothing… And now I don’t know what to buy anymore. A part of me is grateful for it. There is also a tonne of gems in the webminar. It feeds me new ideas.
I knew it was going to take a little elbow Greece, but I didn’t know it would be this hard. Seriously .. It challenges everything I know. Your post reminds me to take a breath and keep going. I’m learning… It also says to me get really uncomfortable. What am I avoiding? I was avoiding videos…I started last week. I don’t look great, but it’s so awesome. I’m also stalling on reaching out and giving talks. I’m not afraid of talks, but the rejection. It’s time!
Love&light!
Love how you’re willing to look at this, Nathalie! Shooting for uncomfortable is actually a great way to go. When it’s easy, we’re not growing. (Though we don’t need to always be growing. We can enjoy some ease sometimes!)
Pitch yourself for those talks. The worst that can happen is a NO, and I know you can handle it. You’ve made it this far!
Unlike Leah above my early years and earlier adulthood were filled with uncertainty. I lost my parents at an early age, bounced around from home to home afterwards, dropped out in 9th grade to work and sustain myself… no unicorns on the horizon. It was this start, however that led to my self-reliance, hard work and not so much the attitude that I had everything to gain, but that I had nothing to lose (because I didn’t).
I struggled against my circumstance and it was difficult. Yet, somehow I ended up the lowly scholarship kid as Dartmouth (lonely, but hey I had access to an education), living abroad for almost a decade (broke, but Italy can distract you from that), and with a wonderful family and life I truly love (two marriages, three businesses, five kids). So, now I have something to lose… and that realization has been something new and and a new kind of “difficult”.
Life is good, yes. But, still, no unicorns. And honestly, while I understand it can be a distraction, I sometimes envy those who catch glimpses of them on the horizon… and believe.
I can relate, Carmen. I’ve had a different set of circumstances, but I always settled for “just not wanting to be disappointed,” so I generally set very low expectations. I have learned that it doesn’t serve me to settle for that low of a bar, so I try to reach for bigger possibilities, knowing that the bigger I’m willing to dream, the more good things that could come my way. Yes, I may be disappointed along the way, but I might end up places I never imaged before…
What a TIMELY post, Jenny.
Just half an hour ago I was freaking out to my husband, not sure I knew what I’m doing, and what the heck I signed up for with all this have-my-own-business thing.
Yay morning validation!
I was used to having things come easy to me, or at least PREDICTABLE. Good grades, good high paying jobs, wonderful family. I knew that if I just work hard enough, I’ll be OK.
But now everything is so damn uncertain. No one can promise me X amount of clients or Y amount of dollars. And boy, it’s uncomfortable.
I’m trying to remind myself every day – the seed has to go through what looks like a complete destruction in order to grow. Destruction is not supposed to be comfortable.
So thank you. It’s inspiring to watch you having come all this way and actually *residing* in the happy-unicorn-ville.
I love when I hit the perfect moment for people. Thanks for saying so, Marina!
Oh I haven’t lived in unicornville. I just took the leap from my job thinking that I was headed into the happy place. Reality hit and showed me that it wasn’t all so easy!! But I kept hoping to find that happy place… so I kept slogging through the muck to find something better. And it does get better and better every day. It just is often uncomfortable as I go 🙂
You can do this! Keep it up. Make friends with the discomfort!
This post is so timely – and so helpful. I’ve been struggling with the struggle, which has only magnified the discomfort. And, as a coach I can observe how I (and others) turn against ourselves and self-criticize, when we just need to go and allow the natural growth process, with all the bumps and bruises. And I have to say that the happy unicorn lovers annoy the crap out of me, which of course has been motivation in disguise!
Love that coach view, Valerie. It is always worse when we struggle with the struggle — in addition to whatever we’re struggling with!! Growth is necessary and uncomfortable. You can create what you want to, and I know you know that, too 🙂
Love this post Jenny 😉
I can safely say that I DO believe in Unicorns AND I believe they help us the most when we help ourselves 🙂
What that looks like:
*Doing shit we don’t feel like doing because it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient or could potentially embarrass us
*Picking ourselves up when things fall flat and not taking it as a sign of personal rejection but instead as a “Cool, that didn’t work. What else could I do?”
*Giving ourselves rewards for the small wins (like making a phone call when you don’t want to) vs. focusing on why we don’t yet have the big wins
Love you!!!
From my unicorns and me,
Diana 😉
Yes! Yes! Yes!! I love your attitude and your keep-going-ness, Diana!! Unicorns are out there, and bumps and bruises are, too!! xo
I’m guilty of believing in unicorns as well. When I was in school studying natural health, psychology and nutrition, the school administrators literally said, “When you put up your shingle, people will come flocking to your door.” As you can imagine, that WAS a load of crap and I’ve seen dozens of friends who graduated from the same school struggle to make ends meet for many years — including myself. Working on turning that around now! 🙂
Oh, we’re all sold that in coaching school (nutrition school, or whatever school), and it pisses me off! But I confess that the optimism gave me the kick in the rear to go all in with my biz — something I don’t have an iota of regret for!! Keep going. Keep learning. Keep challenging yourself in business, marketing, etc., because you can make money doing this work. You just have to love business and marketing as much as you love your work.
I sometimes wonder if my coach taking me through the right steps. I do realize I need clarity in areas because they werent but now things are starting to get clearer the more on what I want my lifestyle and how I can help people besides coaching. I know its one way I can do but there are tons other services or products. Its becoming clear what I want my life to look and I know out of that I will contribute to people. Its just getting up and getting clients and i am going to talk to my coach on my next session to break this down.. I think its the next step being on social media and all the other I know it can help get subscribers but I think there are other ways that are more productive for me . Maybe this is the next thing for me. I wil have to look it at more and what it will help me do.
Interesting questions, Connie. I’ll be curious to hear what you find out about what you discover around the right next steps for growing your biz!
Wow, this really hits home, Jenny.
I keep reminding myself that I have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable… in a bunch of different life areas.
And usually if it terrifies me it transforms me!! (Terrify in a good way) 🙂
Carla xo
You got it, Carla!!
This is so timely, you could have been writing it to me. For me, the discomfort also comes from not finding it easy (I work best at a fast, creative pace, so hitting a wall totally brings out my inner brat, kicking and screaming). Having said that, being so irritated by being behind, stuck (insert your own adjective here) has meant that the achieving big things that I thought would terrify me (actually charging for something) have slipped under the radar unnoticed. It’s like a hidden reward system 🙂
Love that insight, Rachel! I think it’s true for a lot of people. They don’t even realize they’re afraid. And knowing is half the battle!
We’ll go ahead and call me a slow learner! I can’t say I heard any direct stories but the idea of “O just make your art & sell it” was implied to me. The idea that one had to market, hone in on your target market, and be in the right places to find these people was..an anathema to me. When I started out in 09 I knew nothing about business or how to run it. I saw what my mother had done and not all the hard work or behind the scenes that went into it before.
I think it really dawned on me when I was staring at a virtual & literal mountain of paperwork. Things that hadn’t been filed, but long since processed. Records that revealed nothing about trends or success or failure because I just hadn’t kept them. The information was there but I had to sift through notes and random bits to find it. (This was before you taught me about systems!)
I feel like I’ve done my time and I’m getting better at it. I’ve learned to fix the old faux pas and recognize when I’m making (or about to make when I’m lucky) a mistake and course correct as needed.
It’s been fun watching you learn and take consistent action, Aradia. You just keep at it, and that’s how we make it. Keep it up!!