You’re ready for another great day of saving the world, but you’ve got this nagging frustration that won’t leave you alone. You try to ignore it, but it’s still there. No matter what you do to distract yourself from it, it lingers.
How are you supposed to save the world if you’re quietly simmering inside?
What you’re doing wrong
Most of us were trained to be good boys and girls by buttoning up our emotions.
You’re not supposed to be angry, sad, or frustrated. You’re supposed to slap a smile on you face and keep your mouth shut if you don’t have anything nice to say.
The problem is that’s bullshit.
Denying your frustration doesn’t make it go away. Expressing it does.
How to do it right
Yes, you really should express your frustration.
No, you should not express your frustration to your coworker, your spouse, or the checker at the grocery story.
Karla McLaren, the author of The Language of Emotions, coined the phrase “conscious complaining.” It’s the process of venting your frustrations to the walls in your bedroom, the furniture in your home, or the trees in your yard.
It is the fastest way I know to move through frustration. Steam emanates from my ears and my face turns beet red.
Shortly after the venting begins, I’m done. When I complain uninhibitedly, I’m finished in under 3 minutes. I have nothing left to say. I feel complete.
For many women, speaking your mind in a non-blaming, honest way is not a practiced skill. The first time I tried this, I felt shy. I held back even though I was by myself!
Now when I notice I’m frustrated, I can complain (in private) and get it out in just a few minutes. It feels so good when it’s over!
The best part is I can focus when I’m done. I can return to my superhero duties.
When you’re having a bad day
Next time you have a rough day, whatever you’re feeling, don’t ignore it. Don’t slap a smile on your face if it doesn’t feel right.
In the privacy of your bedroom or wherever you feel safe, let the frustration out. Complain, yell, scream, stomp, and punch. Do what you need to do to get it out.
Not only will you get past it fast, you’ll feel better and return to your day with a clear head.
With a clear head, you can do anything, superhero, including saving the world.
Jenny-
thanks so much for the reminder that it’s “okay” to have the frustration but we really do need to get it out so we can move on. I usually cry and that helps me.
And thank you so much for the Flight Systems E-book. An awesome addition to help keep me organized.
Hugs- Susan 🙂
A good cry and a good yell can be so good for us, and yes–it’s totally okay!
Glad you are enjoying the ebook!
Just had the chance to check out the new e-book on systems. Good stuff amiga. I’ve been leaning in the direction of getting more organized so once I sort through my paper piles I will sit with your workbook and work on my systems. I love how you’re so encouraging in it! I know it will make me smile to work through it with ‘you’.
Happy to hear you liked the book, Ali! Can’t wait to hear what you create as a result of it. Keep me posted!
Thank you for that! It’s refreshing to know that emotions can be expressed freely, but, how can I express my emotions in relationships? I would like to be able to express myself to my family and friends too. Otherwise how can I be myself?
I understand that this is not always an easy process, but, I trust that it is possible with patience.
Sometimes situations arise in social interactions, where I need to be able to assert myself? Otherwise issues will continue without being resolved and this is not healthy for me or that person.
Talking to the wall, a doll or a piece of paper cannot always erase the emotion.
There is nothing wrong with expressing your thoughts and feelings in a relationship or social situation. However, I think it’s important to have yourself “in check” before doing so.
Are you expressing yourself because you want to prove you’re right? Are you expressing yourself because someone has wronged you or violated a boundary and you want to set it straight? What are you looking to get out of expressing yourself?
If you want to express yourself without verbally vomiting on someone, I suggest getting “clean”–meaning you’ve checked your ego, checked your stories, gotten clear what you want to get out of the interaction. Otherwise, you’re doing what most people unconsciously do, which is spew their frustrations and anger onto someone else in an attempt to feel better fast (which doesn’t really work).
It’s not someone else’s job to fix our frustrations. If that is your goal in expressing yourself, you wont have much luck. In those situations, the walls work much better. However, if you’re looking to create a stronger connection with someone or rebuild a relationship, learning to express yourself “cleanly” is very effective.