There’s an ugly rumor floating around in the entrepreneurship blogosphere that, if you buy into, can really damage your chance at success in your business.
And yet I see so many brilliant, ambitious women struggle with it.
This thing hangs like a heavy, dark cloud over everything we business owners are trying to accomplish, and it can destroy us at any moment. And I’m sick of it!
Confronting all this in my own mind has led me to confess something in today’s post that I’ve been keeping inside for a long time, and it turns out I’m relieved to put my truth out there.
It’s time we talk about this issue honestly and openly, so that we can support each other in moving past it. Only then can our businesses and professional selves thrive.
Are you with me?
Self-Shaming, Comparisonitis, and the Curse of the Imposters
A lot of women business owners feel like they don’t fit the ideal entrepreneurial model. If you’ve ever hesitated to introduce yourself to strangers as an entrepreneur, or have ever said “Oh, I’m not really an entrepreneur,” you know exactly what I mean.
They have some set of traits, skills, experience, credentials, or even just a specific personality type in their mind that they think of as entrepreneurial, and they don’t see themselves fitting the bill.
This comes from the tendency of many women to compare themselves to others and be overly self-critical while doing so.
We all know how this goes…
- We set our peers (in this case, other women business owners) on a pedestal and assume everything they do comes naturally or easily to them.
- We compare ourselves to others endlessly and shame ourselves when we don’t measure up. (But then how can we, when we’ve set the bar so high?)
- We remember our failures with perfect clarity and gloss over the times we kicked ass and took names.
- When we do experience success, we downplay it or attribute it to luck or the contributions of others.
It doesn’t help that in this day and age, we’re bombarded by social media showing us 24/7 how amazingly brilliant and creative and unstoppable and successful all the people around us are. (I feel exhausted just typing that sentence!)
It seems the expectations around what we can and should accomplish in our careers and businesses comes as much from outside as within.
All of this pressure and self-shaming can build up until we start to feel like total frauds. Almost every high-achieving woman I can think of has felt this way at some point.
When your self-doubt builds up to the point that you start to feel like a phony, you’re experiencing what’s known as imposter syndrome. This is a very real psychological phenomenon (though not a diagnosis or illness) that especially affects women and minorities, people who take on new challenges, those who differ in some way from their peers, and perfectionists.
Sound like someone you know?
Click to TweetBelieving there is some mold of the ideal entrepreneur, and that if you don’t fit that mold you’re somehow doomed to failure, is not a good long-term plan for your business.Don’t let yourself buy into it!
I Don’t Fit The Entrepreneurial Mold Either (And I’m Okay with That)
You’re not what you consider to be the “model entrepreneur”?
Well, guess what. I’m not either! Far from it, in fact.
I’m incredibly, horrifically slow to make decisions. It took me one and a half years to finally offer Make It Work Online, which is now my most successful program, and two years to put Make $10k out into the world.
It’s even worse in my personal life. It took me two years to buy a car and seven years to commit to remodeling my house (a project which STILL has made very little progress, by the way!).
I’m not especially imaginative, either. I’m most certainly not an idea factory, and I enjoy being an organizer and boss more than focusing on creative stuff.
I’m also not “multi-passionate,” I don’t have the desire or stamina to work endless hours, and I don’t really like all of the day-to-day tasks I have to do to make my business work.
Not exactly the model entrepreneur we constantly hear about online.
Click to TweetBut I don’t tell myself that I’m not meant to be an entrepreneur because I don’t possess all of the skills and traits I’m told are required to be one.Instead, I recognize the skills I do have and leverage them. For the areas where I may not be so strong but have some aptitude, I commit to learning and trying my best.
As my business grows, I’m learning which parts of running it that I don’t really like all that much or would rather not spend time on. In these cases, I hire the best help I can afford.
Click to TweetI don’t expect myself to be the “perfect entrepreneur,” and neither should you!Only You Can Convince Yourself You’re in the Right Place
If you think you might not have what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur, think again! You may not fit the exact model people like to talk about online, but who cares?
Believe that you have everything that you, your business, and your clients need, and just roll with it. You’ll be surprised by how much power this can have!
Recognize your own skills and achievements. Write them down, paint them on your office walls, or even order yourself a trophy if you’re the competitive type! Can’t think of any? Go check out some of your positive feedback from clients and folks on social media.
What, you don’t keep a positive feedback file? You totally should! Go make one right now. (Seriously, go do it!)
All set? Good. Now make sure to save all of the wonderful things people say about you in there for a rainy day.
Acknowledge that there are some things that just aren’t your bag. The adage is true: Nobody’s perfect. When you come face-to-face with something that you’re not all that great at, all you can do is give it your best shot.
Can you imagine how exhausting it would be to be amazing at everything, anyway? No, thank you!
Accept who you are right now, in this moment. You’ll be different next year, or even a few months from now. We all change and learn and grow as time goes by, so there’s no need to dwell on it.
And there’s absolutely no reason to set the bar so freaking high! I’m not saying to aim for mediocrity, but try not to set yourself up for failure either. Allow yourself time, patience, and grace.
You’re only human, and that’s plenty good enough.
Stop comparing. Seriously. You just have to stop, and that’s all there is to it. I was so much happier when I finally got this!
Remember that mistakes are inevitable, and it doesn’t mean you are a failure. In fact, failing doesn’t even mean you are a failure. It just means you tried something and it didn’t work out. It happens to even the most amazingly successful people.
All the brightest stars have been dimmed by failure at some point.
Celebrate your successes as they happen. Make them a big deal, and congratulate yourself on being the amazing, trailblazing, ass-kicking entrepreneur you are. Then in the darker moments, when you feel like a fraud or that you’re not measuring up in some way, call upon the memory of those successes.
Surround yourself with others who deeply believe in you. There is nothing shameful about asking other knowledgeable people for help or support, and nothing wrong with needing a few cheerleaders from time to time.
The best way to make sure you have access to both when you need them is to immerse yourself in a community of like-minded, kick-ass women who are on the same journey.
(In fact, being part of a group just like this – in addition to coaching with me – is the most powerful part of my Make 10K program!)
I Believe In You! Now It’s Your Turn!
I know you have what it takes to create the business of your dreams, make a great living, and have a beautiful life. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t!
But my belief in you isn’t enough. What matters most is that you believe in you.
Take the gifts you have, the skills you’ve developed, and your vision for the future – all the fabulous things that make you who you are – and build your business around that.
I’m putting this super empowering challenge out there today and I want to see ALL of my readers take it on for themselves. It will be a game changer in so many ways.
Tell me…
What are your greatest innate gifts? How do they play a part in what you do?
What are the skills you’re proudest to have developed?
What is your most recent business success? How did you celebrate it?
How will you strive to overcome self-doubt going forward?
Declare it in the comments below!
Brilliant! Posting this on my bulletin board that my taking a long time to get out there with my business was just me marinating and the wait is worth it!
Sometimes that’s true! Sending a nudge to keep moving… 🙂
Thanks for such a great post Jenny! I agree that the comparison trap is an awful thing and it’s so easy to fall into! I believe that each one of us was created uniquely and no one else can fill our shoes, only we can! One of my favorite quotes that helps me with this is:
“Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland
Here’s to being ourselves and embracing who we are!
Love that you have a touchstone quote to help remind you to get yourself out there, Judy! Keep it up!
You are so freaking brilliant when it comes to understanding what we are going through and giving actionable steps. So in response to your questions:
I am really good at breaking things down to small digestible steps and aligning them in a way that makes things easier. I am also good at helping people shift their perspective to around things so they stop procrastinating.
I’m most proud of developing the ability to manage my emotions with my thoughts and not food. And learning how to use Power Point and Camtasia!!!
My most recent success was finishing the manuscript to my book. I celebrated by going out with my business besties.
The best way for me to overcome self-doubt is to get into action. Period.
Your words mean the world, TaVona! Thank you! I do try to keep coming back to what each of you are going through and remembering what would have helped me when I was in that place.
Congratulations on all the things you’re doing to keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other, to get the word out about what you do and how you serve others. Keep it up!
Jenny,
This post really resonates with me. It reminded me of a story I heard yesterday on NPR: Why Are Women Less Likely to Become Entrepreneurs Than Men?
We could all do with a bit more over-confidence as we set about building our businesses.
Kathryn
Love that, Kathryn. I do agree that women could be a bit more over-confident now and then. I know I find myself jealous of my male colleagues who seem to have the superpower of just going for it — and it reminds me to practice doing the same!
“Believe that you have everything that you, your business, and your clients need, and just roll with it. You’ll be surprised by how much power this can have!”
There is so much talk about the ‘market’ and it is probably relevant for a large corporation; but as a solopreneur, every hurdle in my business turned out to be about my own self-talk and my own belief that I can do what I set out to do.
Belief is key – it is the very first item to check off my list when I start my day – otherwise, the doubts slowly begin to take over.
I agree, Deb, that “the market” can be an almost unnecessary thing for most of us small business owners. Yes, we have to be aware of what our clients think and need, but most importantly, we have to start what it is we are here to give and are excited to share with the world.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
(Often attributed to Teddy Roosevelt, but also sometimes to a writer named Dwight Edwards.)
Great points, Jenny. Let’s not also forget that the whole American culture is pushing women to do this kind of comparing (in order to sell us things), so it’s not all a personal habit or failing, and therefore we have to fight it pretty seriously not just in ourselves, but recognizing the societal pressure we’re unconsciously absorbing just by living with media and social media and history around us. 😉
Very true, Molly. Perhaps it’s a big part of capitalism? We are inundated with ways to be bigger, better, braver, skinnier, smarter, or whatever, and it is part of our everyday life. Learning to balance what everyone says we should want to have or be with what’s true for us is part of this wild journey of human life in the world we live in today.
I love this, Jenny! It really meant a lot that you even shared why you might not be an “ideal” entrepreneur. And “only you can decide if you’re meant to be an entrepreneur” feels like it should be my new mantra!
I have had so many moments of doubting myself and feeling like “oh, who am I to think I can do this,” but I’ve gradually been coming to the same conclusion — I have to trust that I can figure this out, on my own terms.
Honestly, I feel pretty proud of how far I’ve come in my business! I can get so down on myself, and I have a long way to go, but this time last year there was basically no business at all! (Well, there was a blog…but that’s it 🙂 I think that I can be tough on myself about the speed that I’m moving, but I have to keep reminding myself that even though I should keep working and making whatever progress I can, I don’t have to be an entrepreneur that makes $500K her first year or two or three (and that most don’t!).
Anyway, love these posts 🙂
Such a great attitude, Katie! Keep it up and good things will keep happening. Mindset AND action are necessary for success, and you’re nailing both!
Hey Jenny! Great post as always. I’ve learned from you that doing what I’m great at (and what I need to do) is imperative for a successful business. I’ve had some great launches for my online classes this year and I’m super proud of them, even though they are multiple 6-figure ones. I’m really enjoying business and showing up as me, 100%. …so much better than corporate, all those years ago, (and way better than consulting)!
You totally are on track and killing it, Maya! You should be super proud. Keep going because you’ve got so many more great things ahead of you. Woot!
Wow Jenny. What a beautiful ‘call to arms’. Everything you said is so true.
My innate gifts? Finding unique beauty and value in every person. Savvy problem-solving. Vision. And in a corporate test of skills, my profile said “one of her outstanding traits is economy of effort” … which is a fancy way of saying I strategize vs. working my arse off!
I’m most proud of my tenacity and determination and courage.
My most recent business success is that I launched my site today Woohoo! And I created an Opt In that’s going to help hundreds? thousands? …
And all under your tutelage. Thanks Jenny and congrats on a great blog post and your new Make10k program.
Way to own what you’re genius is and focus on that, Jenna. Fantastic, fabulous, and so necessary! I love that you’re thinking about the impact you’ll make. It’s going to be huge!
Another brilliant post Jenny! Thank you SO much for this pep talk. I really needed it.
1) I am a FANTASTIC love coach! I’m brilliant at helping women to stop getting in their own way and start creating the loving relationships they long for! I totally rock at this.
2) I’m proud to have developed the tenacity it takes to start and run a business. (I’m still developing this!)
3) My most recent success was making a great series of new videos, which I’ll be posting to my YouTube channel. I will celebrate this by treating myself to dinner out!
4) I will strive to overcome self-doubt by reaching out to my friends and mastermind group.
Thank you again for the work you do! LOVED MIWO. xoxo
What I love about you Renee is your determination and persistence — you have it in spades! Keep up the great work, reach out to your support network, and remember that you are a great coach. Let that keep pulling you forward. I’m cheering you on!
Thanks Jenny! 🙂