You’ve told me time and time again: You want to be nice to your clients, make them feel supported, and help them get great results…
… but some of your clients are a little too needy. They’re doing things like:
- Emailing you at all hours
- Texting on weekends
- And wanting a little more of your time and energy than they paid for
But you don’t want to say no, piss them off, or shout “enough’s enough!” You care about them and you care about their results, but you can’t figure out the right balance between solid boundaries and stellar support.
I hear you. I’ve been there. And it’s totally, absolutely, completely fixable… without any stress, worry, or freaking out. In fact, it’s essential for you to fix (fast!) if you want to take your business to the next level without working so freaking hard.
I’ve learned to set solid, loving boundaries with clients, knowing when to hold firm and when to bend my own rules. I’m excited to share it all with you today.
Plus you’ll get a boundary-setting email script straight from my private vault (one you can steal!) to help you set and hold healthy boundaries with your clients, ensuring you can give them the stellar support you’re known for without damaging your mental and emotional well-being.
Let’s dive in.
First, Your Fears
The reasons most women business owners I know have shitty boundaries to begin with are:
A. They’re afraid of not being liked, or worse, being publicly badmouthed by their clients.
B. They’re afraid that if they don’t give their clients 24×7 access, their clients won’t get results.
Let me tell you this:
Business decisions rooted in fear will never create the results you want. In fact, it’ll hurt your business.
Not Being Liked
At some point or another, pretty much everyone worries about not being liked. (Truth be told, I fret over this almost daily. #recoveringapprovaladdict)
As you know, big problems arise when you try to bend every which way to ensure everyone likes you. And truthfully, even if you could bend to meet everyone’s needs, you’d still never make everyone like you.
Worrying About Your Clients’ Results
If you have a client who is constantly leeching your time and energy (and you’re letting her), it’s likely because you’re afraid she might not get great results or become a raving fan.
However, the worst thing a business owner can have is a client depending on you to meet their every single need. As coaches and other service providers, we know that our most successful clients are the ones who are willing to do their own work, experiment with the ideas we teach, and strive to become self-sufficient. Anyone who expects you to do it all isn’t the kind of client you want to work with!
Even the neediest of clients can learn, with the gentle boundaries you set, that they can work through their challenges between sessions, learn to depend on themselves, and become self-sufficient. This means that boundary-setting helps create more successful clients, which is what you want anyway!
Steal This! How to Set Boundaries with Clients
Now that I’ve called BS on your fears around establishing boundaries, it’s time to talk about how to set and hold them. I’m going to give you my step-by-step approach plus an actual script you can steal when anyone pushes past your limits.
Step 1: Determine Your Policies in Advance
Even if you haven’t set boundaries (or held them) so far, it’s never too late to put rules into place. The perfect time to start is right now!
The policies you need to establish depend a lot on your business and how you work with clients. However, here are some basic ones almost everyone will need to consider:
- refunds
- appointment rescheduling
- email access, including how much, how often, turn-around time on responses, etc. (FYI, I always tell my clients that “unlimited email access” is a terrible idea. Just don’t do it!)
- how long prepaid sessions are good for
- general response time and overall availability
Although we can identify several areas where we need policies, we can’t always pinpoint every single one in advance. This means that when a “situation” with a client triggers us, it’s a sign that we have somewhere new where a policy is needed. Your challenging clients are showing you, and this is perfect.
Step 2: Clearly Communicate (in Writing) Your Policies with All Clients
For the policies you have established before starting work with a new client, have them clearly laid out in your new client welcome packet. This ensures they have a reference guide to all of your policies and procedures, and it’s something you can easily reference in boundary-setting emails if needed.
Also, where possible, make the policies redundantly stated. In the case of refund policies, make your policy very clear before a client pays. (I have mine clearly stated on a pre-sale page plus in the Terms of Service section of my shopping cart.) This is a little CYA for clients who want to back out of their contracts.
In the case of appointment rescheduling policies, include the specifics in your online scheduler’s reminders emails. It’s easy to do this in most online schedulers. (I personally love Acuity which allows me to customize the email for each different appointment type.)
Sometimes you’ll realize mid-relationship with a client that a new policy needs to be created or changed. That’s okay! When it happens, simply review the new policies with your clients and be available to address questions. This may require a contract review or modification, and you may want to consult your attorney for that.
Step 3: Stick to Your Plan!
The tricky thing about being a service-based professional is, well, we like to be of service!
When a client is constantly complaining, threatening to quit, or going through an intense period with your work together, we often want to double down and be there every step of the way. That’s good…. as long as you remain mindful of your pre-established boundaries.
If you vary from your policies even once, the client will notice and then expect exceptions all of the time, and that’s a predicament you don’t want to get into.
Keep in mind that if you’re feeling frustrated with your client because of their consistent invasions of your personal time, the quality of your work will start to decline. That’s why holding to your policies not only supports you, it also ensures your work is top notch!
When I first started implementing boundaries on my time, I would remind myself that most clients don’t want to be a pain in the ass. Most want to be good clients! So kindly and clearly telling them what the rules are will actually help them be a good client, which is good for both you and for them!
Your Steal This! Boundary-Setting Script
Use this template when a client needs a gentle boundary reset.
Click to TweetIs a client taking too much of your time? Use this template from Jenny Shih to set a gentle boundary.This is specifically for a coaching (or other service) client who is excessively emailing between sessions and needs a gentle reminder to ease off the between-session communication, though you can tweak it for your specific needs.
Here goes:
Hi NAME!
I hope you enjoyed a nice long weekend. [or other kind greeting]
Thanks so much for your last email about [topic]. It’s good to get a between-session update from you.
It looks like this one is a biggie and would be best saved for our session together.
If you’d like to move up your next session so we can talk sooner, feel free to reschedule your appointment. [Only use this option if it works for you as the business owner!] Otherwise, let’s save this for our session so we have enough time and attention to dive into it fully.
Talk soon,
YOUR NAME
Easy, right?!
More Steal This! Scripts
Of course, needy clients are just one boundary that you’ll need to set. This is why I created a bonus blog post with 5 total scripts you can steal for your business. (To include them here would make for a ridiculously long blog post.)
In this bonus blog post, you’ll get scripts on how to handle…
- a client who cancels a session without the required notice
- a past or current client who owes you money
- a former client who is looking for support after your work together is complete
- a non-client is excessively emailing you for free advice
You’ll quickly be setting kind, loving boundaries where they’re most needed.
My Personal Recommendation for YouSteal This! Boundary-Setting Email ScriptsLet’s Get Personal!
Of course the situations you may be facing probably have their nuances and variations, so I want to help and have some fun!
First, tell me what struggles and successes you’ve had with boundary-setting with clients.
Second, tell me where you still get tripped up around boundaries in your business (or in life!).
And third, if there’s an additional boundary-setting script you need for a specific scenario in your business, fill me in on the details, and I’ll help you finesse the perfect one for your situation… all in the comments below.
I can’t wait to dive into this with you! It’s going to be fun, helpful, and liberating!
Brava, Jenny! Love this. And you.
Thank you, Jennifer! Your comment here means the world 🙂
These are very helpful, Jenny! Thank you for your generous scripts. I will be using them 🙂 I am dealing with a couple of clients who have gone MIA after their payments declined for a group program, so I think I can modify your “client owes you money script” (I’m not sure if the tone in your script might be too casual since they’ve ignored my previous emails and one person is already 30 days past due).
Definitely give it a try. I’m guessing you’ve removed this person from your program…?
Fill me on the specifics here, and I’m happy to help.
Thanks, Jenny! I removed the woman who is 30 days past due that completely disappeared without a trace and I’m not interested in working with her again (all of her payments have been late). The second one is 3 weeks late and I suspended her access. She made all 5 of her payments on time the last one declined (the error code indicated a zip code mismatch) and she is active on Facebook, so I know she is okay. My contract states that they are responsible for paying even if they discontinue.
Correction: she made her previous payments on time *before* the most current payment declined.
First, sometimes people do disappear! I’ve had that happen, too, so don’t worry about that much. I usually just “cut the cord” and let them go.
With the second one, it does happen that “stuff happens” with people’s finances and I like to first give people the benefit of the doubt and work with them on a path forward to get back on track with payments. Have you done that?
Thanks, Jenny!
I love the idea of cutting the cord with energy drainers. Yes, when I reached out to her previously, I told her that I would be happy to work out another payment arrangement if she was having financial difficulties, but she didn’t respond. I have tried to reach her through every method (email, text message, phone and Facebook inbox) except for postal mail and it appears that she is ignoring my Facebook inbox. FYI – It’s been about 2 weeks since I reached out.
To help you write a script, I need to know a bit more about where you’re stuck or what you’re challenged with. What do you want to do or say that you’re not sure how to say?
Thanks, Jenny.
Do you already have a “closure” script or blog post about how to cut the cord or “fire” a client who has become unresponsive? I would prefer not to leave things hanging, but I don’t think I want to leave the door open if she wants to bring her account current in the future since she’s not taking her commitment to my program seriously. I guess I would want to let her know why she is being terminated and that I am releasing her from her agreement. FYI – She posted on Facebook that she had a baby yesterday, so I’m going to assume that she is busy with other priorities 🙂 In case your’e wondering, she’s been posting about other things since her late payment, so that’s not why she did not respond to me 🙂
Very timely as usual! Love you!
So glad, Diana!
You make it sound so simple! And, you of course, nailed my fears on the head. I am challenged with wanting to be a constant pleaser. This is starting to bite me in the rear more and I need to get brave and put down some more boundaries. Not my strong suit, but without boundaries this does become a chore and not a joy. And, that is not how I envision this business. Thank you for another great post!
Glad it helped, Kristi! Start by getting clear on what boundaries you want, then start to enforce them. You can do it, and having to do it is a good sign of a growing biz. Congrats on that!
Hi Jenny, I’ve just started following you and I have to say, your blogs and the launch and grow series has helped me a lot!! Thank you 🙂 Boundaries are so important, and I have just started incorporating them. I love the scripts – thank you – very helpful. I had a conversation with a person who said, “I want 5 new clients a week. Just give me the boring marketing stuff and I’ll take a look as I need more customers!” Oh boy, I knew immediately I didn’t want to work with this person! Marketing is not boring, it is a necessity if you want a successful, flourishing business. She wanted to barter, which I’m not interested in. My time and knowledge is valuable, and I really want to work with people that are interested in growing their business tapping into my marketing expertise. (the comment really got under my skin, which I found interesting! It really put me off!) Thanks again, Nicole 🙂
Happy to hear that L&G has helped you so much, Nicole! And I love that you’re getting clear on your target client — that’s always so good to know!
Carla –
(We can only do so many replies on this blog so I’ve got to hop to the bottom!)
I always try close with love and understanding whenever possible. Especially if she just had a baby, she’s definitely got her mind elsewhere. Try something like this.
Hi Name,
I saw on FB that you just had a baby. Congratulations! You must have your hands full, and she’s such a cutie!
I wanted to close the loop with you on the PROGRAM. Since your last payment hasn’t come through and I haven’t heard back (understandably – you just had a baby), I’m going to put your membership on hold and remove you from the FB group.
If this wasn’t your intention and you would like to continue, just email me, we’ll resume your payments, and we’ll get you back in the group. [If this is something you’re open to.]
It was great working with you [or other appropriate comment] and I with you well with [whatever the program was helping her with] and with your new little one.
All the best,
Carla
Important note for you: Always make sure you clear your own energy and money junk from your space before you do something like this. Sometimes coaches will jump to a conclusion about someone or wanting to fire them as a client from a not clean place. That can often cause later repercussions in your biz. Since I can’t know the full-full story on your end, you may have done this. I’m adding it as a caution and a check for you just in case.
Your response is super helpful and beautifully written, Jenny! Thanks for taking the time to help with this energy drain. I hope it helps someone else. I really appreciate you 🙂
After doing a mini-session with a dude, he won’t stop emailing or calling me to ask more questions. At first I thought he was slow but now I’m getting wicked creepy vibes. I used the last email template on the download, blocked him on google voice and my phone, and blacklisted his email address.
I gave him additional resources where he could find answers to his questions and my rates with the hope of discouraging him. I also compared my work to that of an accountant or masseuse – we don’t just do anything and everything for free!
I’m feeling very ICKY about all this – how do you suggest I respond to this email or should I just ignore it?
It sounds like you’ve sent him a final, clear “here’s where to get support, I’m unable to help you further” email, blocked him after the creepies happened, and have kept his energy out of your space. This is definitely an extreme situation (so sorry!!!), but you’ve done exactly what you need to do to set the right boundary for yourself.
Does that feel like you’ve got your bases covered, or is there something you’re thinking you might still need to do? It sounds like you’re set, but I’m happy to help further if you need it.
In the continuing saga…
I set up auto delete on my gmail (where my email gets forwarded) but noticed after sending my last email of “I can no longer offer you assistance. Here is an organization that gives free advice.” he STILL sent two more emails. I now have auto delete set up on both accounts. Thoughts on whether I should ignore that he still emailed me or send a “STOP EMAILING ME!” Email?
It’s on autodelete, so let it delete! 🙂 As long as you’re putting energy into the mere thought of him, he’ll keep hanging around. Fully disconnect from him. Cut the energetic cord in your mind and in the felt sense of your body. Don’t give him an ounce more of attention on any level. Don’t email him; don’t check to see if he’s replied. If you “drop it” he will eventually, too.
There are some great coaches and energy healers out there who can help you release and let go of this connection if that’s something that might interest you.
So sorry you’re dealing with this. We all get a crazy now and then! (Just check the box on your business-building checklist: Had and dealt with a crazy!)
Thank you!
And I’d love recommendations on those coaches and energy healers.
xo
A few people to look at (and there are so many more!):
Jess Ryan – ourrealwork.com
Diana Dorell – dianadorell.com
Peggy Freeh – simpledailypractice.com
Anna Kunnecke – declaredominion.com (her Secret Mystics class)
I know there are more. Those are the first that come to mind. Ask around in some of the FB groups you’re in — I’m positive you’ll get some great recommendations. And when you choose, trust your gut over your head — it’s always right on matters like this!
Just received another one too!
Met this person at a workshop I did. We had a mini-session and I sent her my standard “thank you & here’s what we discussed” follow-up. She emailed with feedback on the advice I gave (it worked & she loved it!), feedback on the tips from the workshop she tried (loved those too!), an embedded question about the product she bought (it’s not really working and here’s what’s going on…no actual question but definitely reaching out for advice on how to make it work better), and a straight-up question about something else.
WHOA! She’s definitely an ideal client and I’d like to convert her but am not totally sure how to respond in a “hey i love how dedicated you are to having better sex and you’d be perfect for my program…”!
xo
Perfect one! These are a great chance to follow up and turn her into a fan or a client depending on what she needs. In the templates, use a very friendly version of email #4 in the download (for a past client keeps emailing for support after their work with you is complete).
As the template suggests, give her a quick answer to her question and let her know that you’d love to dive in deep with her and help with all of this and more if she’s interested in working with you as a client.
Try something like this:
Hi NAME!
I’m so glad to hear about how XYZ worked out so well. (be your super cheerful self!) Thank you for taking the time to send me an update.
You have a great question about ABC. My first thought (or quick tip, or whatever you’d say) is _____. However, to really troubleshoot this for your specific situation, it would best if we could have a more in-depth session together.
That is the exact reason I created (your bite-sized offer or coaching program), to help you _____. Based on our last conversation and our emails, you’d be a perfect fit to take full advantage of this kind of program. You know what you want, are willing to try new things, and ____. (Compliment her on what she’s done well.)
If you’re interested, you can learn more here: LINK to your offer.
Please let me know if I can answer questions for you or help in any other way.
Talk soon,
Kait
OH I LOVE this! Will let you know how it goes. 🙂
Jenny, this post is so helpful! What about a script for setting limits with clients on the phone, when a session time has come to a close? Either for when clients seem to come up with “one quick question!” once the time is up or just to clearly state that the time has ended and end the call gracefully? I was thinking about what is a “sign-off” phrase (aside from “our time is up”) I could use at the end of calls, to say goodbye and indicate the session is ended, that would be kind and yet boundaried, so once clients hear it they will start to know our time is concluded.
Great question, Amy! First, let’s think about how you plan and manage the end of your calls. Here’s something to consider. Maybe you’re doing this already, but let’s check on this first.
About 5-10 min before the end of a call (depending on the client), are you starting to wrap up? You can say something like, “To make sure we [get to this end goal] before our call is over today — because we’ve got 10 minutes left — let’s ….. [whatever that thing is you need to do to make sure you wrap up]….”
Sometimes preparing a client in advance for the fact that the call is ending will help them revisit their thoughts. (Not always, and not with everyone, but for most people!)
Or is this something you’re already doing and people are still not wanting to hang up?
Fill me in a bit more.
Hi Jenny! Thanks for your feedback. I typically do let clients know our time is almost up. In those last few minutes, we go over what actions/inquiries they’re taking & what kind of accountability they want around it, and possibly set dates for the next sessions. My sense is that after that, the level of connection in the call sometimes causes it to feel weird to end the call abruptly, both on my end and on clients’ end. I want to communicate a sense of warm closure. Sometimes I’ll acknowledge a client and sometimes say things like “talk soon!” (but that doesn’t feel quite right). It is in this space of setting accountability/scheduling and actually getting off the phone where sometimes clients pop in something extra. I especially notice this among clients who are asking for some level of mentoring in addition to the coaching (in the unstated form of, “okay we covered my big agenda for today, now I have a few questions!”) How do you typically end your calls, Jenny? I think it’s on me to have a firm but warm ending that says we’re done but in a championing way.
The first idea that comes to mind isn’t about how to end the session but is actually about how to begin it!
With high-level private clients I always begin the session by having them give me a check-in on a set of questions (they have these from me in advance). We begin the session with their update and their objectives for the call. Then we know that if there are niggling little questions we plan to cover them. Or, if they have a list that would take 2 hours to get through, I’ll tell them, “This looks like more than we can cover in our session today. What’s your priority?” Then they’re clear that we have a set duration; we’re both clear on the primary objective; then we get to work to get it done in time… because my clients know I end on time 97% of the time.
Some of it is also energetic. I don’t like sessions to go over, so I almost don’t ever let them. I hold that energy within myself without apology, and they feel it. I also don’t let people drag on; I’ll actually cut them off or interrupt them to keep them focused. Some people are uncomfortable doing that and honestly, it’s not something I enjoy doing. However, I find it worse to have sessions that drag on, so when all else fails, I’ll do it.
How does any of this sound for you? Let me know, and we can always tweak…
Hi Jenny, I’m on the same page with everything you said – I do all of those same things, and do tend to end on time. I think generally clients know and come to expect this, but occasionally those “one last thing” requests still come in. I relate on your comment that, “honestly, it’s not something I enjoy doing” (setting those boundaries), even though I do it most of the time. When I give in to the “one last question” requests, it is typically because I have the time to give, but then again I don’t want to set a precedent (particularly if it’s with a new client). Any tips on closing sessions gracefully when these requests are put on the table?
I’d just say, “That’s a great question and we’re out of time for today. I’ll make a note of that one and we’ll cover that next time.” It sounds like you’ve done everything else, and this would be the time to draw that line. They might not be thrilled, but I can almost guarantee you won’t have to do it twice with the same person 🙂
Fabulous! Easy and yet revolutionary. Thank you : )
This question and Jenny’s responses have been very helpful for me – Thanks for asking Amy!
A long time friend who really helped me get through school (20 years ago), comes to me for healthcare. I feel like I should honor that help forever, and I allow him to pay me whatever he wants. Also feel like I should give time to socializing but it feels like the appointments go on too long and are draining. I’m feeling guilty that I’m not a good friend, but I also see that I am motivated by guilt and his expectations. I always allow a lot of time for him, but then he might stay longer. I’m not wanting to make extra time to go socializing, so I guess I feel like I should give it at that time. I guess I’m uncomfortable feeling like people want more socializing than I do, but I really don’t much, even with very good friends.
This is such a great question. In order to help you fully, I need to ask you a few questions so I understand it right.
1. Are you doing this work in person?
2. If he weren’t a friend, what would you do?
3. If it weren’t uncomfortable or if you didn’t have some of the guilty feelings, what desired end result would you like?
Fill me in (more detail, the better), and we’ll take it from there. It might require a few back-and-forths but we will get there.
I just don’t like to tell clients “no”, period! I struggle with this frequently and it’s a big stress to me.
The script for “a former client who is looking for support after your work together is complete” was perfect and I am going to use that, and offer her my website maintenance plan where I can offer up to 30 minutes of email advice per month.
Thanks for the great scripts!
Awesome, Jessica! Yes, use away (as much as you need)! I love that you came up with a middle ground solution where she can pay for that support she needs 🙂
This is awesome. Thank you so much Jenny. It’s like you read my mind 🙂
Jenny, “queen of boundaries” Shih, you’ve done it again! This post and the scripts are SO helpful!
It’s always hard to walk that line between being true to what you want to do as a business owner but not seeming unaccommodating when it comes to your clients. These scripts are so perfect for sticking to your boundaries while being super polite and kind in the process.
Thanks for sharing your signature brand of biz genius with us!
It’s my pleasure! Let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed. Happy to help! xo
OH, this so hits me in some truth right now! I have been giving clients open access to me (mostly to be liked!) but also, a third reason I’m experiencing is because they’re paying me! I think I have to give them 24/7, just because my clients pay in advance.
But you also brought up a good point in that I’ve NEVER stopped to think what boundaries I want to put in place, I let the client tell me theirs!
So, my focus in 2017 is getting these new boundaries in place. Thanks so much for the helpful scripts!
LOVE this Jessica! You’re more than ready for some good solid boundaries, and I’m stoked to hear you’re ready to think about and plan them. Cheering you on!
Hi Jenny. Love your blogs. Have my email all cleared out except for 14 for of your blogs. LOL. Enjoying them one by one. In terms of boundaries, here’s what happened today. I’ve had two “tough” clients in the last two years. One quit after the first session. The other one I worked with extensively day and night to please him and meet deadlines that were changed at the last minute. These are boundary lessons that I will not repeat. Still…I want to make every client happy and for them to get excellent results. My husband got a text today. It was his friend making it even more personal. This client said that his business has increased 60% since working with me and that it was a good move. Feeling vindicated and happy to have my efforts appreciated. 🙂 Thank you for the space to vent. Know most of you understand. Hugs Karen
Boundaries certainly take practice! Congrats on such an awesome client result. That’s amazing!!!
Jenny you are a Godsend. I’m working on trying to articulate a bounderies segment in my SOW and having challenges wording it. I downloaded your info and awiting it in my inbox. I have a client that is over ambitious, anxious and fast. Interupts doing sessions for long periods , is always defensive but know they need our help. Any advice on verbiage to establish a decorum bounderies would be night appreciated
Sorry to hear about your challenging client, but I’m thrilled to hear you found my scripts! Once you receive the download, play with the wording for your client, then repost here and tell me where it feels “off” then I’ll see what I can do to help.
Also, setting boundaries on the phone can be different than via email, but writing out a script ahead of time can really help for when you are on the phone.
HI. First, I love all the different scenarios that have been described and so glad I stumbled onto this site! I work for a nonprofit as an in home aide scheduler for senior citizens services. Although our aides have been told to never give their cell phone #s out to their clients, it happens. We would like to send a letter out to all of our clients reminding them that all necessary communication (cancellations, changes in schedule, questions, etc) need to come thru our office and not thru the aides(calls, texts, FB message). It’s difficult to reign something back in that has gotten out of control. We want to make the policy clear while presenting it in a manner that would benefit both the well being of the aide and client. I’m just not sure how to address such a letter nor how to begin{:-D Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I’m so happy to hear these helped you, Catarina. You ask a great question about cell numbers and how to help with your clients.
I’d suggest a few things. First, like you said, a letter to clients explaining the policy and WHY IT BENEFITS THEM to follow these guidelines. Second, give your aides a copy-and-paste, super short text that they can use to message back to clients when they text them.
It’s going to keep happening (which I understand can be annoying), so just go into it realizing this is part of what’s going to happen and make a plan to address it up front when they become clients, at a regular basis throughout their time with you, and to help the aides as well.
I hope this helps you!