One of the phrases that I heard over and over during my early days as a life coach was this:
If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it.
I understand that those who preach this are well-intended. They really do want the best for you and your business.
But it’s honestly the WORST BUSINESS ADVICE you could ever give someone who’s starting a new venture.
Why?
Because EVERYTHING FEELS HARD when you start a new business.
Learning to write copy? Hard!
Trying to sell? Hard!
Giving talks around town? Hard!
Self-promotion online? Hard!
Why?
Because it’s new!
Like when a baby learns to walk or when you first learned to ride a bike or when you tried speaking a new language to a native speaker… Most things are challenging when we try them for the first (dozen or five dozen) times!
Here’s what I want you to know:
Click to TweetIf starting and growing your business feels hard, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong!The problem is that women who are used to having things come easily to them assume that something must be wrong if building their business feels this hard.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Because sometimes it is hard!
Plenty of Things Are Hard for Me, Too
Just so you know you’re not alone, here is an uncensored (though definitely not complete) list of things that were really hard for me when I first started:
blogging
giving live talks
pitching guest posts
writing sales pages
writing sales emails
doing pitches at the end of a free call
holding consults
self promotion
networking
Now, here is another list of things that are still hard for me today:
blogging
giving live talks
pitching guest posts
writing sales pages
writing sales emails
writing pitches for the end of a free call
preparing for consults
self promotion
networking
You see, just because I’ve built a business with six figure profits doesn’t mean that everything is easy!
In fact, various aspects of business will always be challenging. AND THAT’S OKAY!
The sooner you make peace with a little discomfort, the further you’ll take your business and the more you’ll be able to accomplish.
Click to TweetHonestly, making peace with discomfort will help you grow faster and make more money.Not convinced? Here’s a totally different example to illustrate the point.
My Personal Recommendation for YouThe Thing You Must Do to Grow Your BusinessBuilding a Business Is Like Losing Weight
If you weighed over 300 pounds and were looking to lose weight, would a nutritionist or weight loss coach suggest that you only eat food that tastes good?
No way! If you kept doing what you’ve been always doing — eating unhealthy food full of sugar, fat, and white flour — do you think you’d lose weight? Of course not!
Like we talked about last week, you need to take new actions to see different results.
Eating pancakes, candy bars, and pizza every day, even though they might taste good, will not help you lose weight.
You will need to make peace with the discomfort of a new eating plan in order to get the results you’re hoping for.
Click to TweetIn fact, it’s when you’re uncomfortable that you get on track to creating the results you want.Stop Making Things Harder Than They Need to Be
This next point is important and where we make things harder than they have to be when we’re trying something new.
For example, blogging on its own might be challenging. But when we let our minds fill with crappy thinking like this, we make it even harder on ourselves:
It shouldn’t be this hard.
It must come easily for everyone else.
There’s no way I can do this every week.
What’s wrong with me?
I suck at this!
It’s challenging enough to do the things that are new, so don’t make it harder on yourself for thinking it shouldn’t be challenging.
Recognize that business can be a challenging, and it can be uncomfortable, and THAT’S OKAY!
Set the mental drama aside and focus your energy on the task at head. You’ll go farther and accomplish more when you do.
My Personal Recommendation for YouSteal This! A 3-Step Plan for Putting Yourself Out ThereNow It’s Your Turn
I want to hear from you!
Did you buy into the idea that you’re only supposed to do things that feel good?
How do you feel now knowing that it’s okay for things to be uncomfortable?
What’s that next uncomfortable thing that you need to do to grow your business?
I can’t wait to hear your stories in the comments below!
Oh Jenny, this is so true! When I first started on my new business I thought that since I was following my passion, got my ICA in line and utilizing my natural talents, everything was going to fall nicely together in an effortless manner. That could not be further from the truth! I found and still find a lot of resistance, a bunch of things I did not know how to do yet and needed to learn, I was terribly anxious to put myself out there and noticed how many blocks I had to clear from my past! It is a struggle but now it is a welcomed struggle as I grow. Thank you Jenny for being candid and true, as always!
I think we all think it’s going to be easier than it is 🙂 You’re definitely not alone, Sonja!!
I love that you’re welcoming the hard parts and see them as growing opportunities. Keep at it!
This reminds me of a book title called “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” HA! Most tasks do get easier after awhile, for the discomfort often stems from that fear of the unknown. Our world grows and changes so fast that even once we learn a task or two, that just opens a flow of more to learn… the more you learn, the more you learn there IS to learn.
Maybe that’s one reason many avoid the entrepreneur route, that they’ll have to be in a mode of constantly learning. That discomfort of facing new challenges all the time can be tough. I do catch myself resisting certain tasks I need to learn, doing a dance with fear. Often that anxiety is related to blocks from my past that I need to clear. Those who stick with it long-term in a self-owned business are strong folks indeed.
Such a great point about the constant learning, Carolan! In order to keep growing and moving forward, we do need to keep learning!
I believe what you said is true about those business owners who stick with it (and grow and succeed) are stronger for it. I know I feel that way and see it in my most successful clients as well.
You have no idea how much I needed this! I’ve been trying some terrifying new things in an attempt to get my coaching business to actually take off, and I have had multiple people (including one coach) respond to my discomfort by asking me if I’m sure this is really what I want to do, since I’m so uncomfortable with it.
I kind of wanted to scream, “Yes, I’m sure this is what I want to be doing! Just because it’s hard for me doesn’t mean I’m willing to do it, or try my damnedest to do it! That’s why I’m talking to you — to get some moral support and maybe some tips on doing the hardest thing I’ve ever done!!!”
In summary: I am right in the middle of this. Thank you so very much for acknowledging that discomfort is not a sign that I shouldn’t be doing this.
I’m so glad this came at the right time, Joanna! I love that you knew what was the truth for you — that something being hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong! You’re so wise!
Wishing you the best of luck as you plow through the hard parts and get your business off the ground!
Hi,
So many have heard that line.
Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel good. Thank God I’ve never applied it. Who knows where I would be – in a spa I guess. But even that would start to get uncomfortable after a while. So then where would I be?
My next things two things:
Getting JV Partners + Giving a pitch at the end of my talks where an investment is required.
Love & Light Jenny,
Nathalie
Way to claim your next challenging steps, Nathalie! I love how you’re keeping going for it no matter what. Bravo!
One popular way to treat binge eating disorder, which more often than not results in obesity, is to allow the person in treatment to eat what they want (sugar, fat, whatever) without restriction. That’s due to the fact that binge eating disorder is often the result of chronic dieting/restriction, and the person needs to be reintroduced to a healthy relationship with *all* foods, not just the “good” ones. It takes care of some of the mental aspect of the disorder.
I think this still fits into your analogy. It’s fine to do the things that are easy for you in your company and get comfortable doing them, which will also help you mentally tackle all the bits and pieces of business. BUT you need to incorporate the harder things to actually make progress.
(Disclaimer: I’m in therapy for binge eating disorder, so I thought this was a good chance to both educate and expand on your ideas :))
Interesting way to look at it, Mallie! I always appreciate new perspectives and insights — thanks for sharing yours!
Crazy–Just the other day, I had that exact same thought about how building a business being is like losing weight. I lost significant weight on my own, and I thought, you know, it was all a matter of starting doing and chipping away every day. So I’ve reframed my mindset and even created a motivational image for my desktop that reminds me to just start doing.
Great comparison! Thanks for sharing!
No. I do know when I want to do something and hold back because other people say to do it this way doesn’t work either. I think there is more than one way to do anything and sometimes depending on the niche of business you are in. I am looking at how to get out there besides all the things that you and Kendrick tell people. I have my trusted resources that I listen too. I think you do have to listen to you so if your business is getting created how you want it or others.. Put yourself out there completely.. I haven’t been doing that.. I am now.
I love this post! I wish I had read this back in 1999 when I started my first business. I learned SO DAMN MUCH, but I always felt like I was floundering in darkness. New business owners really need to hear this kind of reassurance, because there is so much learning going on all at once, and it can be totally overwhelming, frustrating, and disheartening. Thanks for this!
I wish I could have told you back in 1999 🙂 It’s amazing how much we learn with time and experience, isn’t it? It is so true that the process can be all of those crazy emotions and more — and it’s all OKAY!
Hi Jenny,
Thank you for the thoughtful reminders of our own mindfulness when starting our business. I am finally realizing that in order to grow not only in business but also in your personal life you need to take a risk. That risk is the fear of coming out of your comfort zone. The more you do it the easier it will be. This will allow for new paths to open, otherwise you have shut the door if you don’t take that risk. It is also important for each and everyone of us to celebrate our successes for taking that risk. There is no such thing as failure. Thank you for the wonderful insights that you so kindly share. Barbara
Yes, we absolutely must get out of our comfort zones in life and in business if we want to grow. In fact, that is how we grow!
I appreciate your reminder to celebrate successes along the way. That’s actually one area where I’m not so good…. 🙂
How about hitting the nail on the head with this post! And just when I needed it too… I’m a translator, specialized in translating Scandinavian literature to Dutch, and right now I’m doing the most scary thing I’ve ever done: I’m building a website to get clients. “How is that special?” you might ask. Because all my colleagues (and by that I mean every translator I know) has a sort of ‘calling card’-site; just an online list of books they’ve translated. Mine will be aimed at selling me and my services to publishers. A totally new concept in my world and I can tell you I get a lot of ‘is this a smart thing to do’, ‘why would you want to do something different’ and so on. Fact is, I’m scared stiff, but I’m doing it anyway. And after having read this post, I know it’s the right thing to do. Uncomfortable, but good. So thank you very much for posting this at the very right moment. It’s nice to know someone’s got your back, even if it’s virtual. Lammie
I love that you’re doing what you know is right to do for yourself even if it’s not the industry norm. Way to go, Lammie! I’m cheering you on in taking this scary step because I think you’re spot-on in your decision.
Thank you so much! I started 2 months ago and I really expected to feel free, fulfilled, doing what I am great at. And? Ending up with a lot of administrative things I never did before and everything takes much longer than I expected. Fortunately, I am writing a weekly blog (just for myself and being published after the first 52 weeks of an entrepreneur) which helps to remember that I DID a lot but the results will show up very much later…. I hope to be able to “really do what I love” soon – expect all the admin….
Totally true, Anja, that everything takes longer than we imagine. I remember when I was first starting out that learning to do what I thought would be such simple things was such a challenge! Now they come more easily, but it’s because I’ve had tons of practice. However, there’s always new things we’re learning and those things take time and can be challenging.
Stick with it. All of this stuff is learn-able. keep at it. You can do it.
So true! I feel like there is a trend (especially in online business) to assume that everything should come easy…which is actually just setting people up for ultimate failure because this stuff is hard in the beginning and if we don’t face that, we will give up at the first sign of challenge.
A lot of my clients and I use beta testing to help them transition away from fear and into confidence (because it’s ofter “fear” that makes it all seem harder than it has to).
Thanks for helping to de-bunk this myth. Sometimes I feel like I’m the black sheep when I say that building a business isn’t easy (because this isn’t what newbies want to hear…)
OMG is it hard… just like anything we do for the first time. So glad there are more women teaching women out there that it’s okay if it isn’t easy. Take small steps, one at a time, and we can build empires that way!
You are SO right, Jenny! When I became a cyclist, my mentor said, “it doesn’t get easier, you just go faster,” and he was right. Thank you for the reminder to use that principle in my business. The next big hairy scary thing I need to do is to get out there and help people and let them know what I do and how I can help.
Haha! Your mentor is so right on that one! Even in business, when we learn something and master it, we find the next challenge. It’s just how we’re wired. Honestly, easy never comes not because things don’t get easy, but because we keep choosing to go for the next challenging thing.
I’m cheering you on as you do the next big scary thing and get yourself out there. I know you have good things to share!
XO
So true! Pain is just fear leaving the body… one of my favorite workout motivations but also sometimes applicable to business! Thank you for the reminder that we need to preserve and get through the hard times so that we can enjoy the glow of success.
Yes yes yes!
I agree with you Jenny! I also feel that something can be challenging or outside of our comfort zone but still feel right in your gut, don’t you think? I think we all know what will work for our businesses on some level, even if it is challenging. It’s like working out, building muscle – it’s not easy and may leave us sore, but the results are awesome! Life is about expanding and sometimes the best things in life don’t come easy (childbirth!) but if we have courage, determination and hope the results are amazing!
Love,
Beth
I totally agree that we can be outside our comfort zones and know it’s right. Quitting my job was outside my comfort zone but I knew it was right… as well as dozens of other business decisions. You’re totally right that when we follow this combo the results can really be awesome 🙂
Great advice Jenny – thank you for sharing. 🙂
The predominant wisdom I have received is that “life is simple not easy”. Thank you for providing a concrete example of this and cementing my understanding of what that means. The discomfort you refer to, for me, is the feeling you have when you go beyond your comfort zone. In order to live a fuller life and live your dreams this is an essential ingredient. So it is an indication that you are on the right track. I appreciate your message!
Love that, “life is simple not easy.” Yes, it’s totally true for business (and everything!). To grow we must expand our comfort zones and it’s uncomfortable and that’s okay!!
Jenny I love this!
The past year has seen me basically bootstrap my way into business and even though I’m still a baby boss I’ve been amazed at how much I’ve been forced to learn and figure out. I have skills now (hello – graphics, a bit of coding, tweet this, tag that, etc and so on:) that I was forced to struggle and succeed through bc I didn’t have the capitol to hire much outside help. However, I can say now that many of those things that were super difficult and annoying in the beginning have become easier and more streamlined (for the most part). I also have these great skills that are marketable and insanely useful. I heard about “the grind” first from Brooke Castillo and then discussed it with Kendrick recently because it’s where I’ve personally been in the middle of for a bit and it’s been a windy road but beginning to pay off and I’m grateful to have stuck it out and read articles like this! Thanks Jenny!
Love your attitude, Mary! Yes, learning those things is hard (I had to learn them myself, too), but I also found it rewarding once I did figure it out. I also loved knowing how to do all of those things myself and really be in charge ob my business. They do get easier, as does everything with practice.
Kudos to you for doing the hard things and sticking with it. That’s how you will make your business work!
You know, this is not only good advice for business, but for life generally. Truth is some people stick to what’s hard because of self sacrifice, but neither marriage, nor college, neither learning new language, nor taking care of your body is easy. So why should we expect it in business.
Funny thing when we get thru the hard parts things are easier:)
Totally true!
I agree, Jenny. No achievement comes without stretch and challenge.
There’s just one caveat I’d add. When you build a muscle, you challenge it then release it. It’s that balance of pressure and relaxation that allows strength to grow.
Likewise, working mentally and emotionally under high pressure continually is almost always counter-productive. It saps our creativity, our problem-solving abilities, the core skills we do have, and undermines our health.
Release needs to be a deliberate, conscious part of our energy management. It means understanding fully what we need to energise and refresh us, both within work and outside it, and making it a non-negotiable part of our business planning.
Not understanding this is a huge problem in corporate life, and I see it carried over into the way solo business owners operate. Not the ones who buy into the ‘do it only if it feels good’, obviously, but the ones who believe that willpower conquers all. It does, but only for a short period.
Sometimes it’s something we need to release, sometimes it’s just something we need to learn or surmount. Like a baby learning to walk or learning a new language, it’s just a skill we have to acquire and a muscle we have to flex — not necessarily something we need to release. In the case of inner beliefs, old patterns, and crappy thinking, I completely agree that it does need to be released. In order to get to that next level of income or serve clients in a deeper way, we need to let go of the old way as we move into the next.